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[Words]

by Wulie


Sunset settling on the clouds,
Of sadistic lies,
The drum beat accompanying,
My tears as they bleed.

Pieces of me falling apart,
The words you used to glue me together,
Becoming unwritten,
Vines of lies holding my heart.

There you are in the mirror,
On the floor in the window,
Every where I look you remain to be,
Clutching at every memory I have.

I just want to close my eyes to sleep,
But all I see is your image,
Your name hitting against my skin,
Like the fiery rain of hell.

Your number ready to call,
The words ready to cry,
But I know there will never be an answer,
Just computers telling me you’ll never come back.

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Erm go forth and read - man even I bore myself with my poems I'm sorry people!!!


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51 Reviews


Points: 2844
Reviews: 51

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Thu Aug 27, 2020 2:29 am
VioletFantasy wrote a review...



Hello!

VioletFantasy here to give you a quick review. This poem was very vivid and full of imagery!!
I can feel the narrator’s pain and I have the need to comfort her. It is jam-packed with longing and a feeling of hopelessness. You put so much feeling into it, and it really paid off!

I just want to close my eyes to sleep,
But all I see is your image,
Your name hitting against my skin,
Like the fiery rain of hell.


This stanza is my favourite. It seems to be the most powerful out of them all and it leaves a lasting impact with the reader. The narrator cannot escape this person, even in her sleep. He is always in her thoughts, plaguing everything she does. I just keep imagining the image of this person being seared into the inside of her eyelids, always looking straight at her. You did such a good job explaining it, and you didn’t even use that many words!

I also wanted to mention that your punctuation is very steady throughout the poem. There is a distinct pattern to it and it is used correctly. Also, your stanzas all have the same amount of lines, making the poem easy to read and visually pleasing. Good job!

I saw in the comments that you had meant for the computers to be an answering machine in the last line. Maybe you could replace the word computers with answering machines? This way, the meaning of that line won’t be misinterpreted. That’s just an idea, feel free to disregard it if it’s not something you want to change.

I think this poem is beautiful and very well written. It has a wonderful flow to it and is the picture of poetic works. Keep writing!! :)




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137 Reviews


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Reviews: 137

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Wed Jan 19, 2005 4:10 pm
Wulie says...



That last line

Just computers telling me you’ll never come back.


I was trying to say that the answermachine was telling me you're never coming back.... make senseness?



Sunset settling on the clouds
I see what you mean about this line I shall have to do some thinking :)!


tHanks for your comments :)!
love muchously *illified* wulie x




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665 Reviews


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Reviews: 665

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Wed Jan 19, 2005 4:02 pm
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Chevy wrote a review...



Sunset settling on the clouds,

This was written rather beautifully, but didn't seem to be the beginning of a poem. You should probably add another line or two above it.
The words you used to glue me together,

Do not change this part...it's sensational.
I just want to close my eyes to sleep,
But all I see is your image,

Meh...reminded me of Every time by Britney Spears. :shudders:
Just computers telling me you’ll never come back.

This line was a bit confusing...I didn't really understand what you were trying to say...perhaps I'm just to slow to get it. Eh, most likely.





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