Young Writers Society

Thank you - thats how I wanted the reader to feel... !

I did really like this. I've been in situations where I just wanted this person to show up, I'd made myself look the best I'd ever looked, I was practically shaking with anticipation. Then they don't come, and I keep sitting, and waiting, trying to stop myself from continually hoping, cos by then I knew they weren't coming. But I still hoped. Your poem made me relive that, I felt for that person. Which is good.

Oh yes, I particually like the last stranza too!

Well, the poem, in it's entirety, the way it was written--I didn't particulary care for. (Sorry, I'm in a real bad mood today) But the concept, the message you were conveying, especially this part:

You didn't come,
Yet I still waited,
Last night was my final plea,
My last hope shot down.

I totally agree with you myriadne!!!! I'm not happy with tihs poems I've got the right ideas lol just not the right words so I shall change it thank you for your help!

I thought this was really well written. The voice of the girl in the poem is so strong, you actually feel a bit sorry for her. That, my dear Wulie, is a rare experience for a reader. Loved it!

I waited last night,
My hair in place for you,
Hours of finding a perfect top,<--- I don't really like this line, I think it throws off the flow of the poem
My flaws hidden beneath my mask.

Seconds passed,
Minutes mounted,
Guests devouring the alcohol, <--- this is just a small nitpicky thing, but I don't know if "devouring" works well when you are talking about liquid
Hours left me alone.

You didn't come,
Yet I still waited,
Last night was my final plea,
My last hope shot down.

I read your name on so many walls,
Your figure upon the sofa,
Flash backs pouring through my heart,
I began to spin.

I waited, and waited,
Every piece of my fragile body,
Becoming unstuck, falling to pieces, <--- I love this whole stanza, it works really well for me.
Nothing left but broken hopes.