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Young Writers Society



[Is this my good bye?]

by Wulie


Another day rising to its end,
The bus journey home confronts me,
Screaming kids and splitting headaches,
Goodbye for another night.

The questions in my heart riding to my confusion,
The emotions inside drawn to a blank,
There you sat all alone,
And my heart stayed with me.

It’s been so long that I haven't felt,
Darkness sets in the rain falling,
No tears to cry, no pain to feel,
Today I let go of you.

I saw you go but my heart didn’t flinch,
I wade through the sea of denial,
Trying to find an answer,
Guilt rises though I know you love her.

How I wished I could believe forever,
That my heart wont fall back again,
How I wish that this was my goodbye,
Never been so confused.

The pain you set upon me became my friend I lost that too.

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I'm not sure if people will like this or if it will make sense to others... but hey go forth and read.

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665 Reviews

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Reviews: 665

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Fri Jan 14, 2005 2:07 pm
Chevy wrote a review...



I think I loved this poem so much because after reading the first stanza, I was reminded of something that went on in my life a couple of years ago and I almost found myself crying. Well, Wulie, you got me on this one. I can't find any mistakes or anything. Probably because of the way it made me feel, I was blinded by all except the words themselves.




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Tue Jan 11, 2005 5:44 pm
Firestarter wrote a review...



This is quite good, however I feel with some changes it could become much better.

The bus journey home confronts me


I don't think the verb "confronts" works here. I think something establishing a sort of painful experience would do better.

Goodbye for another night.


I don't like the final line of the first stanza. Don't know why...just seems random and unneccesary. Replace this with something better...I'm not sure what however (not good at this, am I?)

Stanza 2 is fine.

Darkness sets in the rain falling,


I think there should be a comma between 'sets' and 'in' to make it clearer.

No tears to cry, no pain to feel,
Today I let go of you.


Best lines...

Guilt rises though I know you love her


I'd personally split this into two lines - Guilt rises through you/I know you still love her.

Stanza 5 is good.

I dislike the last line though -

The pain you set upon me became my friend I lost that too.


It's longer than the other lines in the poem and feels unwieldy. If it was your intention to make it longer, to make it stand out or whatever, I think you should change the structure. "...became my friend I lost that too" is badly done. Split into two lines maybe - "The pain you set upon me became my friend/I lost that too."





No one achieves anything alone.
— Leslie Knope