Published February 21, 2005
Was it too much to question?
A friendship so rare
The blossoming
Of a placid rose piercing me
Pleading for forbidden days
Nights of dreaming how
You wished it to be
The lies forgotten erased
So many poems written
Pleading for justice
Time to face the winter stare
I’m wasting my time here
In the past of elapsed kisses
Time to delete those messages
I know of by heart
Yet read every night and day
And to read your letters of love
With one final tear in my eye
Time to pack away the past
All the pictures of you
Torn from my walls
All the songs we ever listened to
Cutting my ears with memories
No matter how much
I wrap the past in cotton wool
And hide the boxes far away
You’ll always be my Achilles-heal.
Erm I haven't written in a while and I jsut wrote this please give me your idea etc
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141,367 Literary Works • 674,383 Reviews
MEH! Sorry but I have done different structed poems, no one seems to realise that look under dramatic poems. I did this one with different number of lines I didn't intentionally want to do four lines per stanza but it just came out like that on some of them. - look through my stuff and see I have tried different structures just no one is bothered to actually comment on my stuff.
Ah I retire from writing till later notice that that effects many people!!
This poem wasn't about a boyfriend or what twas my best friend but hey.
Thanks for comments wasn't having a go just stating some facts.
wu
To answer the poem's title somewhat cheekily, I'd say yes. Too much of the same, that is. Same structure as your other poems, same general topic, same general style. I'd like to see something different from you, and one day you'l pull it out, it'll have a different structure - you won't start a stanza every four lines constantly, you won't make your lines exactly the same length and you'll throw beautiful words at me by the bucketful - on that day I'll be happy. Until then, we need to work on originality and strcture.
You constrain yourself by sticking to this four line rigidness that ruins your poems for me (okay, so you have one of six). Don't feel like you have to stick to that. Sometimes you begin a point and it is harshly cut short and you feel a little irritated you didn't press it home further.
Originality is a harder egg to crack, but I feel if you just sit back and attempt to think of something else that affects you... anything ...whatsoever you feel vaguely annoyed or happy about, whatever it may be, just write and let the words flow. And come back to me.
Regarding this specific poem....
"I know of by heart "
I know off by heart.
I thought it was OK, for just getting back into it. The only thing i noticed was that you get kind of weak...boring, even at the beginning, but at the end it's great. If there's anything you could do to maybe liven it up a bit, it would be an awesome poem.
'I’m wasting my time here In the past of elapsed kisses'- Wow...I love that line...if it were funny, i would put it in my sig.
And that's a compliment, by the way lol.
I really like your stuff Wulie, and if the poems get better than this...I don't know.