Hiya!
Maddie here with a review for yoooooou!
So, I'm not going to comment on like the one grammatical thing I saw, mainly 'cause Rydia already pointed it out. I'm gonna focus on the story overall.
And might I say, this story is utterly adorable. I love that Parker actually comes off as realistic. He argues with himself, questions his actions, and in the end, does act on his overwhelming need to just help this kid out.
I will say that there were two things that I kept asking myself about our lovely character Boy Wonder;
1. Is he autistic?
It's hinted at once or twice that he may not be at the same mental age as the rest of the cast, but at the same time he doesn't really give off the vibes of someone that is mentally handicapped. If anything, I'd say he sounds like a high functioning autistic person, probably just a few notches up on the spectrum.
2. What happened to his dad?
Yeah this is the one thing that I really want you to answer. You hint that something devastating happened to Wonder Boy when he was younger. You then add the hint about his father through the hateful Grady. (who'll I ask about in a sec) So, what happened to his dad? Did he abandon his kid due to his disability? Did he die in some freak accident? Is he even alive??
Answering, or at least clearing up the details so that we your audience can figure it out would be nice.
My last comment is about Grady; what high school guy has ever said "You're so petty!" ?
Like I read that and actually laughed. I was once a high schooler, not too long ago in fact, and not one guy I ever knew, especially some of the shady guys, would have ever said that. The only people I imagine saying that are the preppy girls that make up the student council and use advanced words like that to make themselves sound more refined. I would definitely change that. If it was me writing this, I'd have it say something along the lines of "You're so weak!" or even "You're such a chicken!"
Still the same idea, but it can be much more easily placed in the mouth of a teenage guy than the word "petty."
That's all I got for this bad boy. Overall great job, just needs some tweaks!
~Maddie
Points: 75
Reviews: 115
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