z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Even Heroes Need Saving

by WrittenEdge


    There goes Calloway, running through the halls with his cape trailing behind him as always. Only a single teacher has the heart to tell him not to run as he would any other student. He’s new, Parker deduces, he doesn’t know what happened to Calloway in second grade. He doesn’t know that there’s apparently a special way to treat him because of it.

    Parker then notices the superhero comic clutched in Boy Wonder’s hands. The same grease and condiment stains have been there since Mrs. Harty’s class in elementary. He’s probably memorized every line, every word on those pages front to backby now. He gives Calloway one last glance before turning around to head to class. He almost shoulders one of the worst kids in sixth grade, Grady, and his particularly evil looking goonies; all sporting shady grins. The goon he accidentally bumped into gives his shoulder a sharp shove without even looking.

    Parker releases a breath he didn’t know was holding, but then catches it again when he hears something hit the lockers behind him with a squeal. He doesn’t want to turn around. He has to. He should.

    “What is that, Under Boy?” He hears Grady sneer, jeering some laughs from his boys.

    “A-a comic.” The fear in Calloway’s voice makes him cringe. Superheroes are supposed to be brave. Parker’s ears perk when he hears the bully’s grating cackle.

    “A comic?” He recreates his whimper. “Is it about you? A fake superhero still searching for his father? You won’t find him, you know. Trust me.”

    Parker’s heart sinks to his stomach. He knows? He finally turns around and immediately regrets it when he sees the look on the Calloway’s face. Giant tears well-up in the corners of his misty eyes, his entire face turning the color of his mask. Before he can even stop himself, Parker rushes to the fallen hero’s side.

    “Go away, Grady. Don’t you have a teacher to chew out?”

    “What, are you his sidekick now? The Loser and His Reject.” Parker glances at Calloway, the boy’s eyes wide and expectant.

    “That’s exactly what I am.” He can’t help but smile when he sees relief wash over his new comrade’s face. He then notices the grouchiest teacher scanning the hallway behind him and he gives Boy Wonder a wink before yelling out, “Mrs. Barker, Grady won’t leave us alone!”

    “You’re so petty!” Grady shouts, giving Parker one last shove before running away. Calloway rubs his eyes with the back of his hands as he tries to control his heaving. When he finally composes himself enough he glances up at his sidekick; giddy to be able to finally call somebody that.

    “Why did you help me?”

    Parker shrugs, “Even superheroes need saving sometimes. So, ugh, what do we do now, Partner?”

    It was then he saw the biggest grin stretch across Boy Wonder’s face for what seemed like the first time. “I saw Fiona Lewis giving Devin Strump a wedgie.”

    “Alright, let’s go save him.”


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115 Reviews


Points: 75
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Sun Jul 02, 2017 4:39 pm
SereneSimpliciT wrote a review...



Hiya!

Maddie here with a review for yoooooou!

So, I'm not going to comment on like the one grammatical thing I saw, mainly 'cause Rydia already pointed it out. I'm gonna focus on the story overall.

And might I say, this story is utterly adorable. I love that Parker actually comes off as realistic. He argues with himself, questions his actions, and in the end, does act on his overwhelming need to just help this kid out.

I will say that there were two things that I kept asking myself about our lovely character Boy Wonder;
1. Is he autistic?
It's hinted at once or twice that he may not be at the same mental age as the rest of the cast, but at the same time he doesn't really give off the vibes of someone that is mentally handicapped. If anything, I'd say he sounds like a high functioning autistic person, probably just a few notches up on the spectrum.
2. What happened to his dad?
Yeah this is the one thing that I really want you to answer. You hint that something devastating happened to Wonder Boy when he was younger. You then add the hint about his father through the hateful Grady. (who'll I ask about in a sec) So, what happened to his dad? Did he abandon his kid due to his disability? Did he die in some freak accident? Is he even alive??

Answering, or at least clearing up the details so that we your audience can figure it out would be nice.

My last comment is about Grady; what high school guy has ever said "You're so petty!" ?

Like I read that and actually laughed. I was once a high schooler, not too long ago in fact, and not one guy I ever knew, especially some of the shady guys, would have ever said that. The only people I imagine saying that are the preppy girls that make up the student council and use advanced words like that to make themselves sound more refined. I would definitely change that. If it was me writing this, I'd have it say something along the lines of "You're so weak!" or even "You're such a chicken!"

Still the same idea, but it can be much more easily placed in the mouth of a teenage guy than the word "petty."

That's all I got for this bad boy. Overall great job, just needs some tweaks!
~Maddie




WrittenEdge says...


Thank you so much for your review! You even picked up on all of the things I was concerned about, which I'm very grateful for.
I really wanted to make Parker seem as realistic as possible and I wanted it to be heavily character-driven, which was a HUGE challenge with such a short word count restriction (500-words). So I'm glad that came across.
As for your questions:
1. I never actually considered whether or not Calloway is autistic, but I can definitely see it now that you mentioned it. What I was ultimately going for was showing the kind of psychological effect his father's disappearance might have had on him, since I assume he grew up admiring his father. Whether or not they somehow go hand in hand I might have to figure out haha.
2. That was another issue, finding enough room to explain a bit of backstory, such as what happened to Calloway. So I think I somehow fit it in upon editing: "He%u2019s new, Parker deduces, he wasn%u2019t told about the day Calloway%u2019s father disappeared. He doesn%u2019t know the %u201Cpsychological effect it%u2019s had on the poor boy%u201D, as the Psych teacher put it."
Do you think this would work?

I also fixed the whole Petty incident. I actually laughed myself while reading your comment 'cause your so right, I've never actually heard a guy call anyone petty in High School. So I did use your chicken line XD

Thank you again for your review and comments, I really appreciate it!



WrittenEdge says...


Wow, it really didn't like my apostrophe's though...



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Sun Jul 02, 2017 4:20 pm
Rydia wrote a review...



Hey there! I thought I'd take a look at this and I'm going to start by giving some specific comments as I read through and then a few more general thoughts at the end.

Specifics

1.

He’s probably memorized every line, every word on those pages front to backby now.
Missing a space here.

2.
Parker releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding, but then catches it again when he hears something hit the lockers behind him with a squeal.


3.
“What is that, Under Boy?” He hears Grady sneer, jeering some laughs from his boys.
This is phrased a little awkwardly - jeering some laughs doesn't make sense. It should be getting some laughs or evoking some laughs or another similar word.

4. Why wouldn't the bully know? If this is something every teacher at the school except the new ones knows then surely all the pupils know what happened to Calloway as well? That seemed a touch inconsistent for Parker to be surprised that the bully knows. Especially since he seems to know who Grady is and therefore should know how long he's been at the school.

Overall

There's very little to comment on since this was super cute and a really polished story for something so short. It would be nice to see more description and I think you should consider writing a slightly extended version with a little more of the backstory and maybe a slightly longer build to the tension/ a longer focus on the fight scene.

I'm a little uncertain about the bully running away at the end because his name got shouted out so the teacher knows it was him and generally kids like that don't believe in the authority of teachers and don't feel like they can touch him. It makes sense that he leaves but I'd actually expect him to stroll away nonchalantly or to act like he was going to leave anyway or at least to make it clear that this isn't over. Bullies don't tend to just run away so that felt a little bit unrealistic to me but should be easy to fix. Maybe you can even have Calloway express worry that he will come back and Parker can say they'll deal with him if he does.

Good work on the sweet story and best of luck with any changes you decide to make.

Keep writing!

~Heather




WrittenEdge says...


Thank you so much for your reply and comments! I fixed every issue you mentioned, I'm glad you picked up on them because they would have bugged me even haha.
I'll have to come up with a better description now that the story is actually written. This was also for a little contest I'm participating in and the story had to be no more than 500-words, which is a lot harder than I thought since I can easily write 500-words in any other circumstances. I do like the story idea though, so I might have to extend it some day.
The bully's exit was one of my concerns as well and one of the hardest parts to write for me, but I think I fixed it in editing... hopefully.

Thank you again for your review and comments!



Rydia says...


No problem and yes, writing to a word limit is really difficult! Especially when it's so short so I'm really impressed with how much story and characterisation you managed to get in here :)




Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
— Mark Twain