Edit: I am so so sorry about this poem. I didn’t think this through at all when I published it. I sincerely apologise if I insulted you.
pronouns and genders
what is the point anyway
i don't understand
why do we need she or he
science thinks they know all the answers
but they couldn't be more wrong
there is so much more so everything
then simply girl and boy
when a baby is born
they say "it's a girl" or "it's a boy"
but what would they say
if it was both or neither
i know they try their hardest to understand
but they really don't have a clue
what's going on
they just don't see
then there's those terrible times
when women and men are seperated
their ways of life are much too different
they go through so many different pains
so if you're a man or a woman
or neither or both
remember to always love yourself
because that's what life is really all about
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
I really like this. It shows how no matter what gender you are, boy, girl, both, neither or anything else, you should just be who you are and not worry about anyone else's opinion. I also like how it addresses the issue in society that people are so bothered about what gender someone is or how they think you can only be a boy or girl and how there are "no other genders". Yes there is, people should be able to walk freely around the streets without having to hear abuse and criticism from people who should just support them for who they are and their decisions and not get involved in someone else's lives because they may look, speak, or want to be addressed is a "different" way. I'm really glad that you shared this, it caught my eye and I think that you're right and that we should be supporting people and teaching them to love themselves even if others are unkind and mean because it's their choice and they aren't asking other people to do the same.
I did notice that you said "pronouns and genders, what is the point anyway" and I think that you meant well by that but I think that you should have worded it differently because it comes across as if you are saying that they don't matter at all rather than the fact that society shouldn't be bothered by what pronouns people use and what gender they are.
Ci I’d use a couple tweaks but overall good
I love it, it is very enlighting and pretty
Okay. Let's get to reviewing.
Now, I'm a liiiittle conservative. Just a little. But hey, I'm all for equal rights for everyone regardless of anything about them, so while it's not really a topic that hits home with me, I'll review your work from a purely professional standpoint. No politics involved.
Stanzas. You need stanzas. Stanzas are good in poetry. Same goes for rhythm, or, more professionally known as meter, and sometimes a bit of rhyme. Free-verse needn't necessarily have any of the above, but I'm a bit of a conservative poet, so I like stricter form.
An example would be the Onegin Stanza. That's what I personally use the most. It's a bit fancy for a beginner, but it's fun!
Look, bottom-line, poetry is all about fun. We write it to put down our feelings, we write it to put down facts. We write it to enjoy our day, to capture a moment worth sharing, a thought worth spreading.
You are young, we're all young, and we're here to improve. So while your poem isn't great, it's a great start. You have secured the foothold! You have breached the gates and are now a poet!
Congratulations, my friend. Your next work will be better. And the one after that too. We keep improving our poetry 'till our dying day. And do you know what we poets say to discouragement? You ain't got nothing on me.
So write, write, write what comes to your mind! Write it, edit it, post it, take in the feedback and keep on writing and editing and publishing again!
That's what poetry is about...
Gender dysphoria defined
love it!!! you are so write and talented
This poem will raise eyebrows (and maybe voices too) because of the theme, but I mostly just want to talk about the poetry side of it. I like to stay away from politics because I've been singed by it, but since you've so profusely apologised, and that too in the beginning, I'll have to talk about that too, I guess.
1. The topic - I appreciate the sentiment, however misguided it may be according to others. In my own (admittedly little) political experience, it's always better to either handle such matters with such delicate and precise wording so that it tends to lose its emotional punch, or be so good at your art, that although some or many grow uncomfortable on reading it, they at least recognize the artistic value of your creation. That is, talking about your current level of general awareness and knowledge and understanding. If those need to be increased, that is another enterprise to be embarked upon with careful deliberation.
Your opinion might or might not be in line with reality, but that is not always the purpose of art, to be perfectly rational and sensible. Because art is meant to push boundaries, and the people who stay inside the boundaries shouldn't always get to decide who crosses which lines and how. (Think of Freddie Mercury's homosexuality in the 20th century)
If someone does point out flaws in your thinking or reasoning, try to work it out if you went wrong and where you went wrong, and then think about if and how you should apologize as needed.
@Ladybird makes some valid arguments, for example. And their suggestion to do more research is true too.
2. So keeping that in mind, the message seems to come from a naive and egalitarian perspective (but still well-meaning), where you dislike gender roles (or that's how i saw it) to the point where you wish there were no genders at all. Fine enough topic. No, really. But talking about the poetry aspect of it, I think it lacks poetic elements like imagery, rhythm and all that. Try to read it without line breaks, all the sentences put together in a single paragraph, and then it's not really differentiable from ordinary prose.
3. This review will not be long, because honestly I kind of understand being lost in one singular idea and writing on it to the exclusion of all others, but in my opinion poetry should have imagery that is more visceral, more effortless, and yet more worldview-widening than prose, and that is the distinguishing element. It should make the readers think of things they never thought of before, or introduce them to fresh new ways of looking at the same old things and their interactions.
What I would advise is to think about what specific words, or events or emotions made you feel about this issue to the point of writing poetry about it. What inspired you enough to think of the other alternative (no genders)? Answer these questions and then work your way from there, and talk about those specific parts, because this feels vague, and good metaphors and personification and all the other good stuff isn't vague.
If you've decided however that you were wrong entirely then it's not my place to say anything of course.
So without that, since I'm a newbie myself I cannot talk about capitalization and punctuation and stuff, others are more experienced about those.
Keep thinking, learning and writing !
Hey there Writing Princess.
I'm sure you meant well with this poem but you've just harmed a large percentage of the queer population. I'm guessing that you consider yourself to be an ally and want to change the way that some people see gender identity. Everyone wants to do that but you don't do that by just announcing that no genders or pronouns matter.
Genders matter so darn much.
Imagine if a trans or genderqueer person read this poem? Such as all the ones in the YWS who are regularly reviewing or just seeing the main page, a population that includes me. I'm more stable in my pronouns than I used (barely) to be but for most people, this would be a very painful statement to hear.
The point is that with gender identity, people get to pick their own gender and their own pronouns. You're probably referring to this in the manner of binary genders and set practices by society. The wording however, says something completely different.
No genders matter? Or do just male and female not matter to you? Because there are so many more genders than the ones you're addressing in a few lines down.
This brings me to the fact that your vision of how far the problem stretches and all that is involved, is severely limited. The "traditional" western genders do hold a lot of issues but this poem is written only to consider those. My best advice for you if you want to improve this poem is to do some real research about the topic, so you can include lines that hold a better meaning than pain.
As someone who has studied psychology and is a scientist, please don't say that science doesn't understand this issue. There's no part of the science you're probably referring to that says there are just two genders. Ever heard of intersex?
And also in those sciences you're glossing over, there's neurology, which has many studies about gender.
With the social sciences like psychology or sociology, those fields certainly understand everything going on with gender identity.
So I guess another thing I have to say for your poem is please don't make such overreaching assumptions without having any facts. All the information to correct the mistakes in your poem is out there, you just need to do some actual research. I've said that many times and I will continue to repeat that fact until it goes through to you.
Might want to include yourself in this group.
I hope you meant to take the second part of this line out because otherwise, it's just really rude. To be so focused on a piece of comedy in the middle of your dramatic set up for the rest of this.
I'm just picking out lines as I see them and it's important that you know the full weight of what you're saying.
Queer kids hear this so much. They're told just to love and accept themselves as they are but this only adds more to the problem of feeling so different. This is also a common trigger for part of the reason that I started to state above, it's something that's been repeated so much in ignorance of pain.
This brings me to the bigger problem of how your wording leads to some standard trigger points. I think you might have been trying to go for vagueness to avoid offending people but it actually would have been better if you listed some legit genders. This current form is just bouncing around the issue until we hit the last line when it's all solved by some magical cupcake love.
These statements that you've presented to us could also be interpreted as highly religious, which is another thing that might not be the best to bring up in a poem about gender identity. I'm not sure if you were specifically trying to include that aspect within you piece but it's just another part of why this is such a painful poem to read for someone from the community.
The second line is added as this definite statement and by you declaring that only this one complex thing matters, from the poetry standpoint, it invalidates a lot of the other things that you've said. Such as the entire poem.
Also from the poetry standpoint as opposed to a lecture about LGBTQ+ representation in literature by allies, stanzas are a thing that exist. They're obviously not the most important thing on the list because you need to learn how to be diplomatic with writing about such a topic, but once you get past re-wording...
There's a lot of structural issues outside of a lack of separation of ideas. You might be used to poetry where everything is grouped together because "it's all one big idea", but I find that doesn't float most people'e boats.
There's nothing good about this poem and you need to actually consider how you want to present your opinion on the topic. At the moment, this is just generic and painful. I don't see an unique viewpoint coming out of the words, all I see is someone who didn't try to hard and hoped stereotypes would turn into kind words.
I%u2019m really sorry. I didn%u2019t think this through.
Ignore that comment. I really am truly sorry. You%u2019re right, I don%u2019t really understand.
Good lord, @Ladybird, could you be any less blunt? I'll regret saying this, because it's dangerous to say what I'm about to say, but it just needs to be said.
'There's nothing good about this poem..' What a thing to say to an aspiring writer.
You spent a few lengthy paragraphs giving an entirely subjective lecture on what's morally acceptable and what isn't, and not only can you not focus on the objective quality of this work without the absolute necessity of including your personal political agenda, you have concluded it to be complete and utterly worthless filth. Brilliant.
While it may not be a brilliant piece, which it definitely isn't (needs a lot of work), to be this blunt with a 14-year-old is like kicking a puppy for wetting its bed. Your personal trigger points should not and do not concern a poet. If you are incapable of moving on past works you personally disagree with, and cannot possibly halt your storm of vitriol, you should not be reviewing poetry from inexperienced upstarts and amateurs.
Your review disgusts me on a personal level, because it explains what's so wrong with today's poetry.
There's nothing good about your review and you should consider your manners and priorities.
@WritingPrincess Don't apologize to people like this. You are a WRITER, the feelings of others are not your concern. So keep writing. Take in all the advice, don't be an 'ally,' because that means surrendering any form of personal backbone or integrity, both of which is necessary for a poet!
One small correction, @WritingPrincess, the feelings of other do concern you as a writers, but not their political ideas. To invoke emotions is a necessary skill for every aspiring writer, such as you or me, but it's not our obligation to cater to people's political viewpoints.
Be brave, be different, be powerful. To be those things, sometimes you have to offend. Don't be afraid of offending, for it is a choice to be offended. You meant well, and that's all that matters in the end.
@LeutnantSchweinehund
You know dude, maybe it is a bit harsh and perhaps I could be less blunt, but you don't have the right to tell me to change my style.
As a poetry mod, it's my job to review poetry and to talk about issues in poetry. This is a long and ongoing issue in poetry that has presented to me around the site, and my mission is a simple one.
This was an obvious ally poem about acceptance it just wasn't presented in a format that could be appreciated by both sides of the table.
In hindsight it is sounding worse but at the time I was concerned about members seeing it and being impacted in several different ways.
If you would like to continue this conversation elsewhere, such as my inbox, please do. Just keep the literary comments spaces clean for the sake of everyone involved.
I posted my response to you here, in public, @Ladybird, because it must be made abundantly clear to everyone involved that politics should not belong in reviews. You're a scientist, write a paper on the issue. I'm an engineer, yet I don't find myself lecturing people about the imprecise use of steam power in their work.
As a poetry reviewer it is your job, just as it is mine, to provide an adequately objective and politics-free critique of one's work, which you have failed to do on every level. As such I find my response more than adequate and justified.
I do not intend to continue this discussion. I hope to have made a much-needed point. Thank you for understanding.
@LeutnantSchweinehund
Allow me to make an equally public response that all writing involves politics. Being ignorant of the politics of your work means robbing it of tremendous impact, and if you are writing a purposely political piece (such as this one) you must be doubly aware of it.
You are allowed to believe whatever you wish about reviews. But please refrain from making personal attacks on another person's reviewing style, because while you believe politics do not belong in reviews, Lizz obviously does, and that difference should be respected.