Me: "Im over my crush" Crush"Hey Me: Never mind.
Dear Weekend I love you
Dude I wasn't THAT drunk ..... Friend: Dude, you gave a mushroom to a midget and kept yelling "GROW MARIO GROW"
Waving "Hi" to the security cameras
Dear Math, I dont' want to solve your problem, I have my own problems to solve. Sincerly, students.
Crazy times + crazy friends =a memory you will never forget
"Hey come with me to the store." "No!" " I'll buy you something." Ok"
SWAG = She wants a gentleman
Strict parents create sneaky kids
That awkward moment when you have a coughing attack in the middle of class
Babe why are you so quiet? Well, the thing is... today I went to cvs and I asked the pharmacy guy to help me find the best condoms for tonight...... And? I had no idea your Dad was a pharmacist.
I wish my friends houses were connected to mine by seceret tunnels
Asking a question you already know just to see if the person will LIE
See a bug outside : "Hello Mr. Bug" See a bug in your house : "DIE BITCH DIE!!"
I like boys who are alot taller than me, smell good, and give great hugs. So, uh, you.
A day without internet is like a year without rain.
When you just can't fall asleep and you have to wake up early the next day:
This is my FACEBOOK I post what I want. Dont like it? Unfriend me.
Always believe that something beautiful is going to happen
Surround yourself only with people who are going to life you higher
What if you went to heaven, Jesus be like NA BRUH!! Remember you kept scrolling!!??
That face you make right before you sneeze
Wait, sorry...youthink you look ugly in this picture, well that's odd seeing as you made it your profile picture
Im gonna kill whoever said you were adopted
When boy's get jealous it's kind of cute, but when girls get jealous, World War 3 is about to start
Peter, why are we stopped? Yeah, I'll have three cheeseburgers? Peter for God's sake she is having a baby! Oh that's right..... and a kid's meal
So there is this girl.......she is beautiful..........and she is reading this......right now
I remember when I was a kid; I went on the computer just to use Paint
I'm a girl and yes, I like to hang out with guys because it is LESS drama
I love cheese
Reading old messages and realizing how much you miss that person
I feel so stupid for liking you
You dinged No, you say "May I hep you?" Hep what's hep? You know! Hep! Hep! Hep! Hooray!
The most annoying moment when I get comfy in bed and I realize I forgot to do something
Life is hard but when you fall down pick yourself up and say, "WHO THE F**K PUSHED ME?!"
You know my name. Not my story. You see my smile. Not my pain. You notice my cuts. Not my scars. You can read my lips. Not my mind.
We all have that friend we can't be serious with
She likes him. He likes her. Everyone knows. Except them.
One day your going to miss her chasing you. Your going to miss her annoyingness. And you going to miss how much she cared.
No matter how long it takes, true love is ALWAYS worth the wait.
"your" chair, you say? WE DIDN'T SEE YOU NAME ON IT
If I had a British accent I would never shut up
If any boy ever hurt my little sister, i'll hurt him ten times harder
If the people in horror movies listened to me they would still be alive
When someone you don't like touches you
The little dance your thumbs do when you aren't sure how to reply to a text
Throwing a peice of paper in the trash and making it
If I am looking for somethin.....Google If I am looking for someone....Facebook If I don't find something.....MOM!!!!!!
Pain is what changes people
Thank you to all of my fans
I think I will end up like Plankton. Marrying my computer
Roses are red, violets are blue. Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't worry I'll be there too, not in the cage but laughing at you
When I say "theres nothing to eat" I mean there is nothing I like
Having to pee but not wanting to get up
Pretending to concentrate in class so the teacher wont ask you a question
Times get rough, youll find who your real friends are
-Joey, Rebecca is pregnant -Pregnant? -PREGNANT?! -Who's pregnant? "Uhm... I am -Way to go Joey!
Baby you light up my world like nobody else Nigga im black how the fuck do I light up
I hate it when I'm drinkging something and the ice attacks my face
The last bell on Friday
Wishing he would like you instead of her
If you don't like me, youre the only one who cares
Dear Dora, you have been 5 for 11 years now. Whats your seceret? Sincerly Amazed
No offense but I want to set you on fire
That awekward moment when you realize you probably shouldn't have told someone something...
I swear microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes
What are you doing? You can't pee without me?
Sorry can I call you back I'm in a tunnel
Ok I love this poem. Right from the start I thought it was random but hilarious. I do agree with the others you did have some grammar mistakes. Other than that and your structure it was good. I love the fact that it was a poem of random sentences.
--Bre
Hi WritingIsEverything! Welcome to YWS!
I agree with Aria and niteowl. I'm not entirely sure that I see this as a poem. While there a lot of great abstract works of art out there, in those there's usually some kind of defining unifier that gives the piece some level of purpose. It lets your audience take away something valuable.
With this, I'm not exactly sure what you're trying to say or if there's any kind of message that you want to portray with this work. Right now it feels like a random collection of thoughts that are all over the place and I'm not exactly sure what it all means. Your grammar and structure is all over the place, and when I finished reading this I just thought, "oh, that was strange!"
If you want to work with this, I'd suggest taking or two or three of the ideas that you laid down here and working with them. Think of how you can connect them, how you can paint an image. Make me feel something. Make me understand and connect to it.
Hope this helps!
Hi there!
I think reading over this I have to assume you're doing a post-modernist take on the poem. What poem isn't post-modernist in the current age? No poems are not post-modern, really, but you're trying to mask this collection of random sayings into a poem and that's incredibly post-modern and abstract. I'd like to think you put some thought into this, but I suspect you didn't so I'm going to give you a hand and show how you could make some of these lines into a poem, if you inject some of your own creative and original lines.
I’m over my crush
(Sorry, can I call you back?)
I’m in a tunnel
running hot and bothered;
the last bell on Friday
(I’m out of credit)
doesn't come soon enough.
This uses several lines coupled with some original lines, placed into a form we usually term as "Free verse", which is to say, a general form. Here I've tried to tell a story, tried to keep it interesting and real even though it comes from re-used and over-used lines. Everyone knows these things, but you have to say them in a way which makes people see them all over again, differently. This takes a monumental amount of time, effort and practice. The more poetry you write, the better you’ll get at it.
Most of what you have here is copied from the internet, and it frankly isn't anything particularly interesting to look at. I would have preferred if you’d have connected some lines together, I could have justified those as a meta look at how the commentary of current society is an expression through these fragmented forms. However, that isn't what you were doing here; I think you just thought you should post something. Always remember that the YWS doesn't care if you think your writing is terrible – we would very much rather see your own work than your copying the works of others. The works of others don’t interest us, you do!
While I don’t think this was a serious attempt, if you want to look further at poetry and how to develop your skills in the area, I’d be more than happy to chat to you. There’s nothing I like better than having a long chat about poetry, it’s my favourite of all the topics. If you don’t want to talk poetry, I can also talk prose, although at a much slower rate.
Hit me up if you want to chat.
~Pen.
Hi WritingIsEverything! Welcome to YWS!
I agree with Aria and niteowl. I'm not entirely sure that I see this as a poem. While there a lot of great abstract works of art out there, in those there's usually some kind of defining unifier that gives the piece some level of purpose. It lets your audience take away something valuable.
With this, I'm not exactly sure what you're trying to say or if there's any kind of message that you want to portray with this work. Right now it feels like a random collection of thoughts that are all over the place and I'm not exactly sure what it all means. Your grammar and structure is all over the place, and when I finished reading this I just thought, "oh, that was strange!"
If you want to work with this, I'd suggest taking or two or three of the ideas that you laid down here and working with them. Think of how you can connect them, how you can paint an image. Make me feel something. Make me understand and connect to it.
Hope this helps!
Hello there ^^
Welcome to the Young Writers Society, I hope you'll love it here.
See, I'm not a poet myself, but I'm pretty sure you can't call this a proper poem. Some modern art version, perhaps, though. I'm not into it enough to know.
What bothers me here isn't the fact that it has no poetical flow or anything that I know is connected with poetry. It bothers me that I know none of these lines are your own. There's no real originality. Apart from some of them being funny (and some even true), nothing lays there that makes a person want to read it again. It's like you put together a list of Facebook status messages you liked or at least encountered recently, and just copy-pasted it here. They are from different groups, pages and people, but I saw pretty much all of them there already. So unless you're the creator behind it all, or you master all those profiles and groups and pages (in which case I'm a bit worried for you), it just doesn't make sense.
I have Facebook too, I know there's always this kind of stuff there. Frankly, it annoys me there. I guess it's a good thing that you put it all together here, so it all just annoys me once and not each line by itself.
All in all, I'm pretty sure you already know all that I said. I suggest you, if you're going to write about this lines, to put in some of your own thoughts and make us understand why the lines are there, what made them interesting to you.
That would be about it, and see you around!
Kind regards,
Aria
Hi WritingIsEverything and welcome to YWS! This is a great site for writing, but this just seems like a random collection of thoughts more appropriate for Randomosity in the general forums. If you have a poem you've been working on, edit this post, let me know, and I'd be happy to take a look at it. Otherwise, enjoy the site and keep writing!