Young Writers Society

Ok I love this poem. Right from the start I thought it was random but hilarious. I do agree with the others you did have some grammar mistakes. Other than that and your structure it was good. I love the fact that it was a poem of random sentences.

--Bre

Hi WritingIsEverything! Welcome to YWS!

I agree with Aria and niteowl. I'm not entirely sure that I see this as a poem. While there a lot of great abstract works of art out there, in those there's usually some kind of defining unifier that gives the piece some level of purpose. It lets your audience take away something valuable.

With this, I'm not exactly sure what you're trying to say or if there's any kind of message that you want to portray with this work. Right now it feels like a random collection of thoughts that are all over the place and I'm not exactly sure what it all means. Your grammar and structure is all over the place, and when I finished reading this I just thought, "oh, that was strange!"

If you want to work with this, I'd suggest taking or two or three of the ideas that you laid down here and working with them. Think of how you can connect them, how you can paint an image. Make me feel something. Make me understand and connect to it.

Hope this helps!

Hi there!

I think reading over this I have to assume you're doing a post-modernist take on the poem. What poem isn't post-modernist in the current age? No poems are not post-modern, really, but you're trying to mask this collection of random sayings into a poem and that's incredibly post-modern and abstract. I'd like to think you put some thought into this, but I suspect you didn't so I'm going to give you a hand and show how you could make some of these lines into a poem, if you inject some of your own creative and original lines.

I’m over my crush
(Sorry, can I call you back?)
I’m in a tunnel
running hot and bothered;
the last bell on Friday
(I’m out of credit)
doesn't come soon enough.

This uses several lines coupled with some original lines, placed into a form we usually term as "Free verse", which is to say, a general form. Here I've tried to tell a story, tried to keep it interesting and real even though it comes from re-used and over-used lines. Everyone knows these things, but you have to say them in a way which makes people see them all over again, differently. This takes a monumental amount of time, effort and practice. The more poetry you write, the better you’ll get at it.

Most of what you have here is copied from the internet, and it frankly isn't anything particularly interesting to look at. I would have preferred if you’d have connected some lines together, I could have justified those as a meta look at how the commentary of current society is an expression through these fragmented forms. However, that isn't what you were doing here; I think you just thought you should post something. Always remember that the YWS doesn't care if you think your writing is terrible – we would very much rather see your own work than your copying the works of others. The works of others don’t interest us, you do!

While I don’t think this was a serious attempt, if you want to look further at poetry and how to develop your skills in the area, I’d be more than happy to chat to you. There’s nothing I like better than having a long chat about poetry, it’s my favourite of all the topics. If you don’t want to talk poetry, I can also talk prose, although at a much slower rate.

Hit me up if you want to chat.
~Pen.

Hi WritingIsEverything! Welcome to YWS!

I agree with Aria and niteowl. I'm not entirely sure that I see this as a poem. While there a lot of great abstract works of art out there, in those there's usually some kind of defining unifier that gives the piece some level of purpose. It lets your audience take away something valuable.

With this, I'm not exactly sure what you're trying to say or if there's any kind of message that you want to portray with this work. Right now it feels like a random collection of thoughts that are all over the place and I'm not exactly sure what it all means. Your grammar and structure is all over the place, and when I finished reading this I just thought, "oh, that was strange!"

If you want to work with this, I'd suggest taking or two or three of the ideas that you laid down here and working with them. Think of how you can connect them, how you can paint an image. Make me feel something. Make me understand and connect to it.

Hope this helps!

Hello there ^^

Welcome to the Young Writers Society, I hope you'll love it here.

See, I'm not a poet myself, but I'm pretty sure you can't call this a proper poem. Some modern art version, perhaps, though. I'm not into it enough to know.

What bothers me here isn't the fact that it has no poetical flow or anything that I know is connected with poetry. It bothers me that I know none of these lines are your own. There's no real originality. Apart from some of them being funny (and some even true), nothing lays there that makes a person want to read it again. It's like you put together a list of Facebook status messages you liked or at least encountered recently, and just copy-pasted it here. They are from different groups, pages and people, but I saw pretty much all of them there already. So unless you're the creator behind it all, or you master all those profiles and groups and pages (in which case I'm a bit worried for you), it just doesn't make sense.

I have Facebook too, I know there's always this kind of stuff there. Frankly, it annoys me there. I guess it's a good thing that you put it all together here, so it all just annoys me once and not each line by itself.

All in all, I'm pretty sure you already know all that I said. I suggest you, if you're going to write about this lines, to put in some of your own thoughts and make us understand why the lines are there, what made them interesting to you.

That would be about it, and see you around!

Kind regards,
Aria

Hi WritingIsEverything and welcome to YWS! This is a great site for writing, but this just seems like a random collection of thoughts more appropriate for Randomosity in the general forums. If you have a poem you've been working on, edit this post, let me know, and I'd be happy to take a look at it. Otherwise, enjoy the site and keep writing!