Pierrot and his Jester

There was once a time when the pierrot showed his smile, it was long ago, until Columbine, his lover, chose to run away with Harlequin and abandon him. Disposed of him like something precious she had, but never wanted to begin with, like a chariot she rode, but once she reached her destination, she let him go without even reconsidering the feelings of the coachman who poured all of his effort into the one he loved. To her, this fleeting romance between her and Pierrot is nothing but love taken for granted, she loves him like a book she will lock away after reading, but to him she's poetry he can't get enough of. Harlequin may love her like how music swept him off his feet for a dance, but for Pierrot, she's an art beyond human comprehension, and no words could have existed in this world to describe his adoration for her. All of the happy memories they built together and all of the quiet moments shared under their forts disappeared in just one swift motion of a dancer who wore patterned clothes. A phantom dressed in disguise as a witty performer.

 Battered and bruised by the gut-wrenching betrayal he faced, he performed alone in front of many people, but the sudden change in his persona made them remember him differently. It started an era of him being recognized as a melodramatic clown masked by sadness, and the terrifying news is that, in the memory of everyone, he appears to be the one who has an unrequited love for Columbine. A misunderstanding he chose not to correct, but to live his life revolving around those baseless rumors. Everyone views him as a melancholic clown who pines for a woman of another man, without them knowing that behind the mask a performer wears hide tears and sobs no one ever heard. A man who grieves silently and mourns for the love story he was supposed to have. Under the moonlight, he ponders if Columbine left him all because he couldn't give her the life she wanted. 

Maybe it's because he couldn't make her happy the way she made him laugh, or was it because he is not as clever or talented as Harlequin? Does she prefer a dancer over a poet? Or could it also be because of the painful truth: was it because he lost his sight at a young age and couldn't view this world from her perspective? Is he not able to see her love for him, and does she think she was being played? But what she doesn't know is that ever since his youth, the world has always been black and white to him. 

Unbeknownst to him, who thinks no one really understands his feelings, stands a jester who is longingly ignored. He often hides behind the curtain and even blends with the crowd to watch Pierrot’s performance. The clown who is known for being humorous and clever with his words falls deaf and silent. He observes and chooses to smile despite being humiliated and mocked several times. He may flash people with his Cheshire Cat-like smile and share his contagious laugh, but deep inside he is hurting, shedding tears without anyone knowing. Unlike the Pierrot, who can cry openly, what would be the case if they watch a Jester come undone in front of them? Will they still applaud him if he brings them sorrow instead of joy? Will the audience still shower him with compliments if he chose to be emotional and show his true self? A jester's strength lies in the words he speaks, but what if this comically entertaining character couldn't speak for himself? His jokes can only be seen but never heard, they say action speaks louder than words, then why can't they hear him? He is slowly fading away but is desperately hiding behind those morbid humors. He plays the hymn of macabre with his flute despite him not hearing it all because he was raised to believe that his sole existence is to perform and earn everyone's perception, so he grew up as someone who seeks attention and tries his best to earn everyone's approval. He can’t verbally tell them that he is tired and suffocated of what seems to be a never ending boring loop of his life and society even strip him of his rights to weep and express his agony so he try to relate with the Pierrot, everyone watch him and thought they understand the the dramatic clown who express himself to theatrical actions and words which the jester couldn't even hear, however he don’t need words to understand Pierrot’s pain because clowns are born humans too and are more empathetic than others do.

The Jester admires his every performance and even steals unsupervised glances. He never misses any of it. He’s always there admiring Pierrot’s astonishing talent. Even when no one attends to watch their shows anymore due to its slow and almost repetitive nature, people harbor boredom in their shows, but despite that, the Jester still watches and cheers him on. He always makes the loudest applause at the very end of the show, but no amount of it makes up for Pierrot’s sadness. They became friends, and Pierrot became dependent on him. He became his sight, he became someone Pierrot never had, and on behalf of it, Jester grew accustomed to the mutual understanding and need they both share. He realized that they mend each other's broken parts. 

Jester keeps on wearing bright colors and continues on performing silly antics even when he knows that the person he is trying to impress will never even lay their eyes on him. He knows Pierrot can never see him and will always remain blind to his love, no matter how many blinding colors he tries to show him, he has to accept that he will never see them. Jester is well aware of the fact that Pierrot can never have his life back again as it was before with Columbine. Pierrot will never stop loving her and will remain yearning for her. 

Jester loves Pierrot so much that it burdens his heart with excruciating pain. He possesses a curse of living with an incurable illness of loving someone so much he is willing to do anything for them except confess. A man who is accustomed to a role of being a trickster, someone who never took anything seriously, expressing his love to someone who can't see him? He thought of it as the universe making a fool out of him. He, a man who can’t even speak and learn how to speak the language that Pierrot speaks, he who doesn't even know how to confess his love towards someone who is blind to his devotion. Alas, if he could only shout it, he would've already done it, but the problem is he can't…

The truth may be a hard pill to swallow for the Jester who constantly watches Pierrot pine for someone who will never go back. He pities him, and as long as he is alive, both of them will only end up stuck, succumbing to endless suffering. He thought of a solution as to how to end their pain forever, he thought that maybe next time they won't have to suffer again if he do it because between them two he believes that he is the only one who can do it.

So he concluded, he wanted to surprise Pierrot. He prepared a simple picnic for both of them. He spent half of his day looking for the perfect spot with a beautiful scenery to watch the sunset and not long before sunset he had everything prepared, he laid a soft cloth for them to sit on and prepare their food to feast on later. He then, fetched the clueless Pierrot and instructed him to sit down with him to enjoy the view. Pierrot talks and Jester watches how his mouth moves every time he speaks. They ate and enjoyed their drinks under the old oak tree as they enjoyed the moment.

“Thank you for your kindness, dear friend” The Pierrot speaks in the softest and gentle way a man can do.

The jester tilted his head, clueless of what he just said but he somehow there was an unfamiliar feeling knocking on his heart. Gratitude.

“You know I won't be able to see the view nor watch how the sun will peacefully set, but despite that you still insisted I come here.” Pierrot continued slowly reaching for the hand of someone closest to him. When his hand reaches for him he holds it tightly as if refusing to let go, Jester who seems to be confused on what is going on, furrows his brows, his gaze softens when he looks at Pierrot. For once, after a long time he finally saw his smile. “God, he looks majestic and innocent.” That's what he thought.

“It’s okay, friend. I hope that the next time we see each other, you are not wearing your mask anymore.”

Pierrot shut his eyes close and the jester witnessed how he breathed his last breath. The tears that were forming from the sides of Jester’s eyes flowed like a broken dam. His sobs fill the whole space between them as he pulls Pierrot’s corpse for an embrace. He thought that if Pierrot will forever live his whole life as a man who will cage himself for an endless suffering he will only live his life as a dead man with an empty shell. Jester couldn’t take it anymore, he can’t keep on pretending not to see Pierrot’s pain so he thought that the only thing he can offer is companionship but not in this world. So he chose to lace both of their cups with something deadly. 

Before he closed his eyes and took the hand of death, who was reaching for him, he slowly leaned towards Pierrot’s lips and gave him a gentle kiss.

 It was the Jester's first and last kiss, and he chose to give it to the man he had loved all along.