Published March 30, 2011
An interesting love poem I just came up with:
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I agree with Grif, I liked the title a lot and the material was good, but its not cut out to be a 'love' poem, which I think is a good thing! =] But keep working on it, flop things around. On the first few lines I thought it had good rhythm but then it just sort of... died. Which is not lovely. But good luck =]
Love poems tend to need more care than regular poems. What love poems need to convey is love, which can be quite difficult. The idea is to convey that feeling to someone special, or to help someone else convey what they feel to others.
I feel that this poem falls short.
I think what you're trying to do is draw an analogy; so that the poet is as close to their love as their loves skin is to their bones. The conclusion seems to be on the creepy side: "I am your bones; I am your skin." It is also confusing, if you are both her bones and her skin, then all you've said is that you're close to yourself. Which doesn't really flatter her very much, you know?
It just seems odd; but it might be perfect for cannibals, necromancers, and surgeons.