wow i liked that so much.....it's pretty creative. actually i can't critic your writing since i'm a flawed novice who needs a hell of corrections. But i enjoyed it alot.
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This is the Prologue and first chapter of something I thought up. Any kind of feedback, including ideas, is helpful. Thanks!
Prologue
We might have become a known race, but that didn’t mean that Shifters were welcome in society. We had come out of oblivion almost ten years ago, but since then, the only legislature passed in regard to the Shifters was to limit us. One that required us to state we could Shift on any document; one to prohibit us from Shifting in public; one that made it legal to discriminate against us in regards to housing and public facilities; and one to keep us out of a number of professions. We were the new minority and everyone, even the other minorities, took advantage of our low position.
The one surprising place we were wanted was in the police field, as search dogs. That’s where I worked. The program was new, and no one really wanted to work in it, so that’s where any new officers were assigned. We hadn’t had anyone new in a while, so I was partner-less for the time being.
Chapter 1
I didn’t know why I had been called in. All Carper said was to get in as soon as I could, so ten minutes later I was walking toward the Handlers Headquarters eagerly.
I walked into Carper’s office and eyed the scrawny boy in front of my superior’s desk.
“There you are, Jedda,” the head handler greeted me as I stepped up next to the boy.
“I got here as soon as I could,” I told him apologetically, brushing my hair off my neck. The motion exposed the mandatory paw tattoo, marking me as a Shifter. The boy noticed.
“I’m not working with a Shifter,” he said, as though he had any authority.
My temper sparked wildly, but I had long ago learned to reign myself in.
Carper looked at the boy, unmoved. “This is every officer-in-training’s first assignment. If you don’t like it, you can leave.” The gravelly voice was dismissive as he turned toward his computer.
The boy didn’t consider it for a moment longer. He turned 180 degrees and strode out the door. He even had the nerve to slam it behind him.
Carper let out a heavy sigh as he turned back toward me. “I’m sorry, Jedda. I didn’t think he’d leave.”
I plastered on a smile that hid my anger and disappointment. “What happens, happens. Right?” I thought of what I would do next. Go home, I guess. “Should I just go home?” Just in case he had something he wanted me to do first.
“Since you’re here, Brody is looking for a training partner and Lily is still recovering,” he informed me.
On their last bust, Lily, posing as an Irish Setter, got a bullet to the shoulder. “Will she be okay?”
“Definitely. Dr. Carrow says she’s just healing slowly,” he assured me.
I nodded as I absorbed the information. “I’ll be in the training arena with Brody, then.” It wasn’t exactly what I had in mind, but maybe being with my friend would help. With that I stepped out of the office and headed toward the ‘Kennel’, our locker room. Brody was already in there, wrapping huge fists in athletic tape.
Brody was 6'5" and built like a line-backer. He was intimidating to look at if you didn’t know him. To me, he was just the equivalent of my big brother. His fierce loyalty made him perfect for this job. That and the fact that he controlled an awe-inspiring amount of brute force. When he was out on the job, he usually took the form of an English Mastiff.
I rubbed one delicate hand through his closely cropped brown hair as I walked past him to my locker.
“Hey, Jed. Didn’t know you were coming in today,” he greeted me affectionately.
“I was supposed to get a partner today.” I looked over my shoulder and rolled my eyes at him. “Guess how well that went.”
A rumbling growl ripped from his throat. “That isn’t fair to you, Jedda. You’d be one of the best in this entire damn city if they could only get you out there.”
Not shy in front of my long time friend, I changed into my workout clothes without going into one of the booths. “Don’t get me wrong, it pisses me off, but it is what it is, you know?”
He shook his head as he watched me. “I’ll never know how you keep such an even temper.” He mused. “If you have some deep secret, let me know. Kelsey says she’s sick of me dragging her around once I get riled.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at the image of tiny Kelsey Laslow being dragged around by the huge creature, aka Brody, that was supposed to be in control on the other end of the leash. “Just good breeding, I guess. I’ve heard that can effect temperament,” I teased.
“Ha, ha, ha. You’re hilarious,” he assured me as we entered the padded training ring. “Do you want to practice first, or can I?”
“Go for it. I’ve always been better at taking a hit, anyways.” The shine in his eyes had been the thing to tell me he was itching to move around.
I donned the heavily padded suit while Brody switched into his fur and regained himself. Because he was only half Shifter it was harder for him than me, a pure breed. It shouldn’t have made a difference, since Shifting was a dominant gene, but for some unexplainable reason it did.
His ‘ready’ was a thunder boom of a bark. Mine was swinging my arm down. Suddenly, I had over 250lbs of English Mastiff racing to take me down hard and fast. I had just enough time to brace myself before pure muscle attached to teeth clamped around my arm. It hurt like hell, even through 4 inches of padding. I jerked my arm, trying to give some of the resistance a real victim would give, but we both knew I wasn’t going anywhere.
By the time half an hour was up, I was covered in slowly forming bruises and Brody was finally ready to switch.
While Brody suited up I slid into my fur. I decided I wanted to be a bit higher off the ground than usual. I usually picked a German Shepard, so my hound of choice became a Rhodesian Ridgeback.
The snapping and formation of bones was exhilarating, making a shiver of pure excitement rush along my spine. The transformation walked one of those extraordinarily fine lines between pain and pleasure.
When all was said and done, I was 52 lbs of pure, dun-colored muscle. It felt amazing. My eyes picked up every black and white detail surrounding me; just by inhaling I could tell every person who’d been in here withing the past few days; I could even hear Brody’s racing heart all the way across the room.
Adrenalin surged through me from nose to tail. I took a moment to gather all of my earlier anger, which, shamefully, wasn’t hard to do, and let out a quick yip. I was hurtling myself forward before he even got his arm all the way down.
A few feet away, my flanks bunched and I launched myself into the air, my nose heading straight for one of Brody’s biceps. He tried to jerk away, but I had anticipated that and angled my body a hair closer than necessary; putting me just close enough to still clamp onto the muscle. Sharp teeth sliced an inch or so into the padding.
Success!
My weight ended up taking Brody down. He put on a little bit of a fight, battering at my sides for a while, before giving up.
As I pranced off from on top of my poor friend, clapping from the doorway could be heard. I looked up to find Carper and an unfamiliar face keeping close to the entrance. It was the stranger that was clapping.
Heavily scarred hands slowed their steady rhythm. Jade eyes watched me watch him.
Brody took off the helmet before speaking. “Did you need something, Sir?”
“More like someone.” The superior officer corrected. “Jedda, could you join us I in a more vocal form, please?”
I nodded quickly, sat down, and let the shift ride me. It wasn’t nearly as fast going from animal to human but it still happened in a matter of seconds. I was sitting back on my heels when I came back to myself. When I looked back at the unknown person, dusty blond brows were pulled high in surprise.
As I stepped closer, Carper introduced the man next to him. “Jedda, Brody, this is Officer Chase Gode. He just transferred in and requested to be a handler. Jedda, since you’re the only one without a partner, I hope you don’t mind breaking in the rookie.”
I laughed. Like I would mind! “Jedda Flanders,” I introduced myself.
He shook my hand firmly. Apparently those scars didn’t hinder him. “Chase. That was really amazing,” he complimented me. His honey-smooth voice warned me that he was more than likely a ladies man.
“Thanks. I’m out of practice, though. Brody’s actually gotten better than me.” I gave Brody the opening I knew he was craving; I could feel his blue eyes boring through my shoulder.
“Brody MacMallen,” my friend introduced himself. Watching their handshake, I could tell they were testing each others’ strength; Brody just barely won.
“Neanderthal,” I murmured under my breath.
One brawny arm wrapped possessively around my waist. “But I’m your favorite,” he said it loud enough for Chase to hear. He was going into a completely unwarranted rendition of the ‘big brother routine,’ so I felt no remorse in punching him hard enough to bruise. He got the hint and let go.
Chase cleared his throat to get our attention again. “So, how long have you two known each other?”
“Brody and I have been friends our entire lives. We pretty much raised each other,” I explained, flashing a, hopefully, charming smile.
Something tense loosened in his shoulders. “So...I didn’t mean to interrupt training.”
A mischievous smile lit Brody’s face, making him look closer to four than twenty-two. “Actually, I’ve gotta go soon, so if you want to take over the suit, you’re more than welcome.”
Chase looked uncertain for a minute before mustering his courage and taking the helmet from Brody.
Pride swelled inside me at my new partner’s actions.
As he got settled, I slipped back into my fur. I picked my usual work form, a German Shepard.
Chase’s heart was thumping out of control as he got instructions from Brody. I wanted to go lightly on him the first time, but I had a job to do, or at least I would if it actually came down to this, so I decided to give it my all. I backed up to the opposite end of the hall and yipped playfully, trying to put my partner at ease; it only made his heart thunder harder.
Haltingly, his arm went from above his head to right by his side. I shot like a rocket, aiming low this time, at his calf.
Chase tried to dance away from me, but I turned quickly and grabbed him from behind. I tugged his foot out from under him and kept pulling until he fell. As soon as he landed, I let go.
Once I released him, I could hear Brody snickering by the door. Finding him, I crouched low, curled my lip up, and growled low in my throat. He was alone, so Carper must of snuck out.
“I’m a big boy, Jedda.” Chase laughed as he sat up. “He can laugh.”
I snapped at Brody one last time before returning to Chase’s side.
“You’re damn strong,” he muttered as he pushed to his feet.
Brody spoke up from his corner. “She was the best in our training class. She’s the one who convinced Lily and I to come to the station.”
“Good to know I’m working with the best.” Something akin to respect rang in his voice this time. “Ready to go again?” he proposed.
My tail twitched excitedly as I trotted back to my starting position.
The signal came and I raced at the new officer once again. This time we grappled with each other for a few minutes before he gave up.
We did this drill over and over until Chase couldn't get up again. For an inexperienced ‘victim,’ he had lasted a long time; forty-five minutes.
Done for the day, I switched back to my skin and walked unsteadily to where Brody was waiting for me with a water bottle.
Brody watched something beyond my body for a minute before speaking. “I think you killed him.”
I stood over Chase for a minute before nudging him with my foot. The only sign of life I got from him was a low moan. I knelt next to him and pulled off the helmet and unzipped the heavy jacket.
Nabbing my water bottle, I poured a little water in his mouth. “Are you alright?”
“I’m fine, I just need to rest for a minute,” he panted.
“You did really good for your first time,” I offered.
“C’mon, Chase. Quit the dramatics,” Brody teased, still staying in his corner.
Chase’s vivid green eyes lit up slightly as what I think was a brief laugh wooshed out of him. “Thanks.”
wow i liked that so much.....it's pretty creative. actually i can't critic your writing since i'm a flawed novice who needs a hell of corrections. But i enjoyed it alot.
Hey! Good Job!
My only thing is you might want to expand a bit in the prologue. That sounded (At least to me) like you just slapped it together. I would suggest a flashback to the day the shifters *came out of the closet*.
Other than that its great!
Thanks for all the corrections! I can't believe I made so many! I must not have looked it over again in my processor after I took a break. Thanks for being so tolerent
Hey! Basket here. =D
I'm going to review this as I read, so if I say something near the beginning that is explained later on in the chapter and I forget to come back and delete it, I apologize.
However!
My changes/or something I'm going to suggest be changed will be in bold within the cool and nifty quotation boxes we can do.
Sounds easy enough?
Great! Lets get reading and reviewing. =D
but since then, the only legislature
The program was new, and on one really wanted
I didn’t know why I had been called in. All Carper said was to get in as soon as I could, but ten minutes after the call I was walking toward the Handlers Headquarters eagerly.
“Will she be ok?”
With that, I stepped out of the office and headed towards the ‘Kennel’, our locker room. Brody was already in there, wrapping his huge fists in athletic tape.
“I’ll never know how you keep such an even temper.” He mused.
dragged around by the huge creature, a.k.a. Brody, that was supposed to be in control on the other end of the leash.
“Ha, ha, ha. You’re hilarious,”
half Shifter, it was harder for him that me, a pure breed. It shouldn’t have made a difference, since Shifting was a dominant gene, but for some unexplainable reason, it did.
His ‘ok’ was a thunder boom of a bark. Mine was swinging my arm down.
Suddenly, I had upwards of 250 pounds of
I decided I wanted to be a bit higher off the ground than usual, since I usually picked a German, so my hound of choice became a Rhodesian Ridgeback.
“More like someone,” the superior officer corrected. “Jedda, could you join us in a more vocal form, please?”
I sitting back on my heel when I came back to myself.
“Neanderthal,” I murmured under my favorite.
He was going into a , completely unwarranted, rendition of the ‘big brother routine,’
She’s the one who convinced Lily and I to come to the station.”
Thsi time we grappled with each other for a few minutes before he gave up.
For an inexperienced ‘victim,’ he had lasted a long time; forty-five minutes.
where Brody was waiting fro me with a water bottle.
“Are you ok?”
Chase’s vivid green eyes lit up slightly as what I think was a brief laugh wooshed out of him. “Thanks.”
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