My Fallen Angel {Chapter 3}

by WriterXAnonymous

Published July 9, 2015

18+ Language Violence Mature Content

In My Fallen Angel

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.

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I open my eyes half way, but rethink it and close them a second after. My eyelids feel like they weigh ten pounds each. I moan, slowly reaching my hand up, I touch my aching head gently. As soon as my hand reaches my head, I feel fabric under my fingers. Confused, I open my eyes slowly and take a few seconds to adjust to a dim light. When my eyes open, I am staring up at what looks like a cave ceiling. My eyebrows draw closer together, confused even more. I turn my head to the side and see a fire. Next to the fire is my bag. It's open with my food, water, and medical kit surrounding it. I go to sit up, but my head throbs and I black out.

Regaining consciousness back, I keep my eyes closed. Letting out a sigh, I move my hands to hold my head again. I feel the bandage, realizing it wasn't a dream, and my eyes shoot open. Everything is blurry, but I see a dark figure hovering over me. I panic and try to push it away, swatting at it and kicking with all my might. I hear a faint voice that sounds like it's miles away. The figure grabs my wrists and pins them down above my head. Letting out a scream, I try to sit up while I kick and struggle, but my head goes woozy and I black out again.

When I come to, I open my eyes, not feeling dizzy anymore. Sitting up slowly, my head throbs. I place my hand on my head and try to relieve some pressure. It doesn't help. I close my eyes for a few seconds, then open them again, blinking a few times. Scanning my surroundings, I realize I am in a cave. In the middle of the cave, I see a fire burning and crackling. In curiosity, I look around me. The first thing I notice is what is under me. I don't remember having a sleeping bag with me. I don't remember how I got here, how long I have been here, or even where I am. I don't remember making a fire, or bandaging my head. What is going on?

I lift up my shirt, and sure as hell, my midsection is bandaged with new gauze around my gash wound.

I see my bag is still open with my food, water, and medical kit around it where I last saw it by the fire before I passed out the first time. I go to get up so I can get aspirin for my killer headache, but stop cold when I hear a deep voice I don't recognize from a man.

"You shouldn't move around a lot with injuries like that."

Looking over to where the voice is coming from, I only see shadows and darkness. I try to focus my eyesight to see who is there. After a few moments my eyes adjust and I see a dark figure standing and leaning against the cave wall with his arms crossed. I slowly move my body so I am completely facing him. I prepare myself in case he tries to attack so I can either fight or run. He speaks again, and I can hear a slight accent, but I can't quite place it. It is deep and musky.

"It's okay I'm not gonna hurt you. If I wanted you hurt, I would have let you drown."

Let me drown? As soon as he says this my memory and the recent events come flooding back. Running away, the berries, The log, the cliff, the fall, the water, then...nothing. I reach up to my head and wince, realizing I must have hit my head on a rock. I feel the bandage again and realized he must have been the one who bandaged me up. I stare at the figure in the shadows. Keeping a cautious eye on him, I look around the rest of the cave and notice next to me is a water bottle and aspirin. I pop the aspirin in my mouth, washing it down with the water.

Setting the bottle next to me, I look back at the figure, trying to study who is with me in this unfamiliar place. Bringing my knees up against me, I bite my tongue, holding back another wince as my leg presses against my gash wound.

"Who are you?" I ask in a wary voice.

"My name is Ash." He states.

He slowly walks into the dim light and I get a bit of a closer look at him. I can't quite tell, but something appears off... Almost as if hes injured.

"Are you okay? When I found you, you were pretty banged up. The river did a number on you."

He asks me this as he looks down at my stomach where my wound is wrapped up.

I hesitate to answer, wondering if I should trust this stranger or not. Although he did save my life.

"Yes, thank you. How did you know I was in trouble or did you just happen to come upon me." I say with a guarded tone.

"I was actually hunting very close to the river. Animals like to go and drink there. I heard a big splash up around the bend and I got curious. Thanks, by the way, for scaring all the animals for miles around."

He says this with a slight frown, though I can tell if he were really mad, he could do some serious damage. I don't know what it is about him, but he has an aura that screams 'I can, and will, rip someone apart if provoked'. I put my most annoyed face on and look straight at him.

"Yeah, anytime. Sorry to trouble you. I wouldn't want you to break a nail or anything."

I try to get up, but it was a little to fast for my body and suddenly I start to fall back down. Before I get far, Ash is instantly by my side, wrapping his arms around my waist holding me up. I stare up into his eyes and notice how beautiful they are. The blue and white mix around his iris's are mesmerizing. I could get lost in them forever. They are nothing like I have ever seen before.

I hear a distant howl and grab onto Ash's sweatshirt on his chest. Holding him tight against me with his arms around me, he winces slightly and tries to cover it up, but I notice it and stare up at him questioningly.

"Are you okay? You look like you're a little hurt yourself."

He pulls me up, releasing me, and moves back a little bit. It's hard to tell in this lighting, but he looks a little pale.

"I'm fine. It's just, last time I was out hunting, I hurt my ribs. It's not that bad really. It's just some bruising."

I can instantly tell he's lying by the way he talks.

"You know, you're a horrible liar." 

I tell him as I sit back down, slowly glancing over at him.

He looks away like he is ashamed.

"Fine then, don't tell me. That's okay."

Settling back down, I suddenly realize I'm still kind of drowsy, so I close my eyes and slowly drift off to a slumber.

    

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Prakash
Review
Prakash wrote a review Review · Jul 16, 2015

Hi Writer,

I am back again for the review. It seemed that the story was heading towards a lively romance. In last chapter, you have mentioned that she slipped while climbing down on the cliff and got knocked out. Thank god! she has been saved. That too, by a young man! But the idea of finding herself in a strange place after her consciousness return and her response seemed to be cliche for me. Especially, when she hugs him on hearing the wolf's howl. There are little mistakes, not much:

In the middle of the cave (,) I see a fire burning and crackling.


I open my eyes a little bit ('little' is a redundant expression)


I place my hand on my head to try and relieve some pressure.


Rewrite the sentence as:

I place my hand on my head and try to relieve some pressure. (or)
I place my hand on my head to try to relieve some pressure.


I can't quit (quite) tell


How did you know I was in trouble, (unnecessary comma before 'or') or did you just happen to come upon me.


You know, you're a horrible liar. (Used period instead of comma)


Overall a nice chapter. I am eager to know more about the young man and how his relationship with the main character is going to move on. Keep writing :) All the best :)

Thank you for the review. it helps me more and more get better and make the story as good as it can get. I will go and fix those {you have a good eye and get to the details. i appriciate that} and i hope I can keep you ad everyone else interested the rest of the way through the book. Hope to have mroe reviews from you in the future! :)

User avatar
Scribble
Review
Scribble wrote a review Review · Jul 11, 2015

Hi, Scribble reviewing here :)

So I really liked your story, kept me reading and interested. You write maturely and there are little grammar or spelling mistakes. However at some points you don't quite make it clear what is happening. For example from your previous chapter (i have decided to write one here instead of two) when she had jumped from the log, you did not specify that she landed on the ground and also which side of the river she'd fallen. There are a few other incidences of this, but not many.

Also there was the word 'moaning' repeated at the beginning of each of the first three paragraphs. Maybe you could vary your vocabulary a little? One more critique is that i would have liked to hear more description about what she sees, feels, hears etc. Your story seems to only tell us what is happening, try to add some description and let the reader create more of an image in their head.

I do like your protagonist, very strong willed and determined. I like that in a character.

Other than that you have a good story here, great plot and i am very much looking forward to reading you next chapter!
Keep writing.

- Scribble

thank you this is a very good review and i will try and use more description and more vocabulary. I see your points and will try my best to fix them. every review helps me more and makes me and the story better. I will try to make things more clearer. thank you again :)



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