My Fallen Angel {Chapter 2}

by WriterXAnonymous

Published June 22, 2015

18+ Language Violence Mature Content

In My Fallen Angel

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.

     Jumping up onto a big boulder, I grab onto a tree growing in the middle of it and lean against it looking out into the woods ahead. It has been at least 3 hours and I haven't stopped walking. I don't know where I am, what time it is, or how far I am from that place of a nightmare, but honestly I don't care. I smile at myself, thinking, I did it, I actually did it. I jump down from the boulder and wince at the pain all over, but I don't care, its worth it.
     Looking up into the sun shining down on me, I close my eyes, soaking in the warmth and finally relax after all that has happened in the last twenty-four hours. I sit down and lean my back against the trunk of a tree and lean my head back onto it. The birds chirp high above me, and the wind blow through the trees all around. The leaves ruffle as they fall and blow across the ground. I open my eyes and take my backpack off. I unzip it and grab a water bottle and granola bar. I drink the half that was left of the bottle and eat the granola bar. Throwing the rapper and bottle on the ground, I get up to start walking again.
     Hearing water run up ahead as I jump over a fallen log makes me so relieved, and I smile. Running forward I finally reach a cliff. I look down and see that the river is about ten feet down from where I stand at the slope, and about 15 feet across to the other side. I spot a huge bush of berries on the other side that look so delicious. I need some fresh food. I need to get across this river.  Looking around, I ponder my options. I could jump into the river and swim across, risking myself hitting a rock that I can't see underneath the rapid water. Maybe, I could try to climb down the cliff and then swim across. Looking further up the river I see a log go across the gap. Maybe I could try crossing that with my balance. Or I could just walk along the cliff and follow the river, seeing where it leads, leaving the berries behind.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             I think all of the possibilities through and decide on the log. It looks easier and I can just go slow crawling across it. As I walk down towards it and have it in front of me, I get a closer look. The log has obviously been here for many years, but it looks like it could hold me. I put my foot on it, testing it. After it doesn't break, I put my other foot in front of the other, looking down at the river rushing under my now. I suck in a breath and look straight ahead to the other side.Taking another slow step, I am fully over the rapid water now. Before I can put my other foot forward again, the log groans and starts falling apart. Panicking, I jump off, landing on the same side where I began and fall on my left side where it's bruised. I let out a scream right before it crumbles to pieces, and plummets into the rushing water below. I lay there for a few minutes after getting the wind knocked out of me, and hold my side in pain. As it eases, I slowly sit up and look at the spot where the log was just a few moments ago. Getting up, I wipe my hands off on my jeans looking around.
     "I guess I overestimated its age. Time for plan B." I murmur to myself.
     Stepping to the edge of the cliff, I look down. I tighten my backpack to me and strap it across my chest, making sure the zippers are all closed. Turning around, I hold myself steady by grabbing a tree branch close to the bank, and lower my left leg first. I rest it on a sturdy branch from the roots sticking out of the cliff. Then I put my right foot down on the same branch, still holding onto the tree branch with my hands. Taking a deep breath, I lower my left leg down further, but I then pull it back up to the first root, realizing I have to let go of the branch I'm holding on to.
     I slowly release my grip of both hands and grab the cliffs edge. Standing there with the ground at eye level, my hands gripped tight to the cliff edge, I try to calm down.
     I take a deep breath and slowly lower my left leg back down. Finding a hole in the cliff below, I stick my foot in it. My arms are extended all the way now, so I reach down by my waist and grab a root. Before testing the root for strength, I grab it with both hands. It starts to come loose from the bank and I panic.
     I go to reach for the cliff above me, but it's too late. My foot slips out of the hole, and the root comes out all the way. Flailing my arms and legs, trying to grab onto anything to stop me from falling, I yell and reach out, but all I grab is air. I scream, and before I know it, my body hits the water hard and my mouth is filled with water instantly. I try to breathe in for air, but that was a big mistake. Getting more water in my mouth, I swallow instinctively. I start choking and try swimming to where I think the top of the water is.
     I can't see anything, and the rapid flows of the river carry me down its path with me underwater. As my head shoots into the air, my backpack gets caught on something and pulls me back under. Before I can take a shocking breath, my head hits a rock and I am knocked out cold.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
LordofLit101
Review
LordofLit101 wrote a review Review · Jun 24, 2015

Hey, me again!

This is a really good continuation, I like how you've toned the atmosphere down by expressing the beauty of the surrounding environment, it felt like i was standing in that wilderness, great job!

The subtle reminders of the events of the previous chapter are placed here and there, and this is just my opinion, but I think these particular elements are placed within the chapter really well in order to remind the reader how this peace can be disturbed at any moment.

Just a few thing here and there you need to work on:

Don't start every sentence with the word 'I', it gets very repetitive, and the usage of different words to start off your sentence will build on your already brilliant description.

Also like I said in my last review, you need to implement commas here and there otherwise it will be a lot for the reader to take in all at once.

Finally, 'chocking' should not have a second 'c'.

But other than that, this is a brilliantly written piece and I love the way how you did disturb the piece very suddenly at the end, very well done! I look forward to the next chapter!

LordofLit101

P.S.- I have a novel of my own if you want to take a look, it is called A Scale of Power.

thank you again for your review! i apriciate your time to review and make me a better writer. I will go through and fix them now. I didn't notice i spelled choke wrong thank you for that as well. ^.^

It is all fixed and better thanks to you. If you would like you could reread it and enjoy it more haha,

Happy to help, Chapter Five of my novel was posted last night if you wanna take a look, but I recommend reading the other chapters first as it will make a lot more sense ;D

User avatar
Prakash
Review
Prakash wrote a review Review · Jun 24, 2015

Here I am again!

“I could try and climb down the cliff and then swim across.

No 'and' use 'to' instead.

"I could jump into the river and swim across, risking the chance of hitting a rock that I can't see underneath the rapid water.

The word, 'risking' means exposing to the chance of injury or loss. So, instead of saying 'risking the chance of hitting a rock' rephrase it as 'risking myself hitting a rock'. It would be better.

'Breath' is a noun. Its verb form is 'Breathe'

"I start chocking (choking)

You are confusing “Its” and “It’s”

The correct usage is:
“I jump off and land on my left side where it’s bruised.

“I guess I overestimated its age.

Missing comma in the following compound sentences:

“And wince at the pain all over but I don't care

“The log has obviously been here for years and years but it looks like it could hold me

“I go to reach for the cliff above me but it's to (Not ‘to’, it is ‘too’) late

Add comma before 'but'
So far, it is a nice chapter. The cliffhanger at the end is also a good one. I hope this helps! Keep writing. Good luck:)

thank you for your input and errors I will go fix those now ^.^

it is all fixed. thank you so much for making me a better writer by pointing out my mistakes and errors. It is way better and if you would like you could reread it and enjoy it more.



They laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at them because they're all the same.
— Kurt Cobain