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Young Writers Society

The Demon in My Bedroom

by WordWeaver1357

When the demon struck, the last thing I expected was to befriend it.

It began as a curse.

Every night, the sinister shadows in my bedroom coiled and shifted and loomed above me. Sometimes they took on different forms, each more chilling than the next. “Stay away from me,” I whispered desperately, but the only response was the wind laughing with amusement at my words.

One night, something materialised from the shadows. “Hello, Iris.” I quivered with shock. Surely this was merely a figment of my imagination- a dream, perhaps.

Hovering above me was a seven-foot tall, faceless creature - a heresy of nature - that seemed to be made entirely of shadows. Its bulging eyes, devoid of humanity, glowed red in the dark, and its features contorted into a nightmarish grin, a mockery of a human smile.

I was petrified and glued to the spot in shock. Every fibre of my being screamed in terror, my blood frozen.

But you should never trust what you see. “Iris,” the demon said. “Why are you afraid?”

I couldn’t tell if it was mocking me or if there was genuineness in its tone.

“I am not here to torment you. I am here to guide you through the difficult nights, the nights where the wind is the only one listening to your heaving sobs.” The creature’s hand reached out in an embrace.

The shadows wrapped around me tightly, and I found…comfort. Comfort in the tenebrosity that engulfed me, in the lilt to the demon’s voice.

The nights became easier.

The shadows stirred still, but this time I knew what lay within the darkness.

Is this a review?



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821 Reviews

Points: 121
Reviews: 821

Sun Nov 19, 2023 6:08 pm
vampricone6783 wrote a review...

Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Shalt we start?

Top Graham Cracker - Iris is alone in their bedroom with only the darkness to face. A demon with glowing red eyes and unfathomably sharp claws appears in their room, but surprisingly, it doesn’t want to harm Iris…

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - If you would like, you could make Iris’ dialogue in italics, to show that they are whispering. That’s only if you want, though.

Chocolate Bar - I liked how the demon hugged Iris after it talked to them. It may have looked like a dangerous monster, but it was a friend. Goes to show that no one should judge a book by its cover.

Closing Graham Cracker - A cute, yet slightly spooky short story! (If it were a genre then it’d be one of my favorites). There are friends in those one least expects, even the demons.

Have a fantastic day/night!

User avatar
106 Reviews

Points: 1154
Reviews: 106

Sun Nov 19, 2023 5:54 pm
GengarIsBestBoy wrote a review...

Howdy hey! Gengar here to leave a (short) review!

General Impression:

This was a super spooky story with a wholesome twist! Those kinds of stories are always super cool.

What I Liked:

I liked the descriptive vocabulary used, such as “heresy of nature” and “comfort in the tenebrosity”. It invokes strong emotion and really shows how scared Iris is.

Areas of Improvement:

I feel that this story ends abruptly. There could be some more detail about what Iris and the monster did with each other after their meeting

I hope my review could be helpful. I wish you a good day/night!

Be careful or be roadkill.
— Calvin