"Hey watch'a drawing?"a voice said making you slam your sketch book shut,"N-nothing significant Ink nothing at all..". "Aw come on (y,n) your a good artist lets see,its probably really cool", he grabbed it and started looking through it. Your face flushed as you tried to stop him,"W-wait d-don't oh no.." You had found yourself absentmindedly drawing the other day and you had drew something of you and him,it was embarrassing and you had kept it hidden from your other drawings but just now decided to get it out to compare to your other artwork.
His face seemed to light up as he paused at that one page, your heart sank. you didn't know how to reply, at least he knew you had liked him now," I-i um...yeah..". I looked down as his eyes met mine the atmosphere was unpredictable. He walked towards me laughing handing it back to you,"looks like Error had a point!~" You gave him a puzzled look," what dose that mean?!?!". He pushed you against the wall smiling," It means you like me correct (Y,n)?" You gulped nodding slowly,he grabbed your chin making you look him in the eyes.
Your chest tightened as he leaned into your ear whispering,"You know You captivate me everyday right? Every since you stepped through that portal with Error I could of sworn i nearly died." You let out a sharp intake of breath as he when't in to kiss you or so you thought. His teeth touched your forehead and he smiled," well I guess I have a human girlfriend now!" "What in gods name was that I-I thought-" you stopped yourself mid sentence. His smile widened," You thought what? You want me to do what i was in that drawing?" "Er..." I was speechless as he pulled me into a kiss that left me breathless nearly falling over.
A loud glitchy laugh sounded as Ink let out a growl of frustration," Go away I'm busy Error!" You smiled slightly as he started to tease Ink and chase him around the void. This was your life putting up with these two's antics and you couldn't be happier.
(I do not own Ink or under tale in general I also don't own Error.)
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141,299 Literary Works • 674,334 Reviews
this was a mistake I clicked refresh so it submitted it twice!
so this is really good but lets jump into a few things i have noticed.You might wan't to elaborate on what (Y,n) means,some readers might not be familiar with that term.You might wan't to add a explanation on how the reader came across Ink or Error or the other way around.Also their were some grammar mistakes I had noticed along the way like the commas and spacing.I recomend you put it through grammerly, it will fix alote of the bugs and kinks.
All and all this is a really good piece and I hope you continue to write more!
Hey there, how's it going?
I hope you're doing well today.
If you don't mind, I'm just going to slip in and review this piece. I'll admit I don't know anything about these characters or Undertale, so I'll try to keep my reviewing aside from that. Though Ink and this other character do appear to be rather interesting. Ink sounds like one of those people who fills a room with their presence and I thought you did a great job at portraying his personality through his dialogue and actions.
Also. This was funny:
However, I did find the story confusing and difficult to read at times because of the grammatical errors scattered throughout it. Here's one example:
I'm not sure what the "(y,n)" is for? I saw it again, as well as a "~" and I don't know what they're supposed to represent. I'd suggest taking them out, unless this is something significant in undertale.
But looking back at the sentence I highlighted, "garbed" should be "grabbed" and "trough" should be "through" and the commas are all over the place. I'd recommend giving your pieces a quick run-through before when you publish them and make sure they're ready to go. Sometimes my works have little mistakes like these scattered everywhere, which can make it hard for the reader to read. If you just hate grammar in general (like some of us lol), you can always check out these helpful articles! They might prove to be useful. :p
I can't say much more than that, thanks to my lack of undertale understanding. I'm not sure how to feel about this story being written in second person... I'd like to see it in first or third person. That might make it less confusing. (to be honest, I was never sure if Error was the "you" or someone else). But it all ended on a happy note and I like stories that do that!
So, thanks for sharing and I hope you have a great one! If you have any questions or concerns or complaints do let me know.
adieu for now!
~rosette <3
(Yn) stands for your name and thanks for pointing those errors out i hadn't noticed that.
Oh, okay! That makes more sense now.
Lol