What Matters - Chapter 1 1/2

~Gone

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Caesar
Review
Caesar wrote a review · Sat Mar 31, 2012 9:59 am

Firstly, I'm interested in what's going to happen.
However, I find that in many points it's hard to visualize where the character is- as it lacks description-.
Also, in some points the character acts like an aloof, experienced commander, in others he's like a child, especially his thoughts as he talks to the old lady.
And that's another thing- in some points it's unclear whether he's thinking or speaking.
Just my humble opinion



"Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?"
— Albus Dumbledore