~Gone
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Darn it! I come here to read this, and I find it has been taken away to the repair shop...let me know when it's back up!
~Blue
Hey Kyousuke!
Hm. Post modern? Eh. Well, I guess it is. Kind of. But not really. It's post modern in the way that things don't really mesh together as they should. For example, the dialogue is really kind of bad juxtaposed with all the description. I mean, you have this lush scenery depicted in your description, and then it goes to the dialogue, which is either archaic or too new and it really doesn't make sense or is good together. Like, "pity the fool" is reminiscent of Mr. T. Not sure if that was your intention, but hey!
And your dialogue isn't really supported at all. There is no description of the people or anything so that we can see what this dialogue means for other people. It's just kind of... there. This wouldn't be a problem if you had wild or fantastical dialogue, but it's really dry and boring. Dry and boring dialogue doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing, mind you. I know some people who would scoff at that statement and call my words heretical, since they think that all dialogue must be absolutely riveting or whatever, but it's true! However, just because the dialogue may be uninteresting doesn't mean the story is allowed to be uninteresting. A quick way to make it interesting is to make sure there are character interactions outside of the dialogue so that there is more depth of the dialogue than simply the words. If the dialogue were particularly strong, then this wouldn't be an issue, but dialogue can't be strong all the time, so this is a good compromise.
Anyway, keep the lushness, but be careful with your dialogue and make sure you use it so that it remains interesting to the reader.
Hi!
Okay honestly, I found this a little confusing. You said it was post-modern, but it sounds kind of old-timey to me. Also, I was confused about who Dead was. Was it just a person, and he had a strange name or was he really death? I hope you elaborate on this, because I feel like this is going somewhere.
Nice job though!