Prologue for [nameless]

Thanks, lupis!

Actually, I do have more posted. It's the 'NN -- Prologue' in my portfolio. XD It's the complete prologue, this and another longer bit.

- Camille xx

Hmm...

I liked this. It was engaging and well-written, and all the descriptions seemed to fit.

My one comment is the way you use lots of short sentences, such as this one:

The air was hot and heavy with sin.

To be honest with ya Ayra I see this more as a poem. I recommend you actually make it into a poem. You ever tried poetry if not, you should try change this into a poem. Can't say much more but awesome! XD

Good luck
VSN

You could, but if it's kind of long and not really related (in the sense that it's a new scene separate from this one) then a new thread will do. =P It's simpler then people know it's there. If you add it to this thread they won't unless you tell them. ^_^

Hehe, that sounds like fun! I love writing flashbacks.

This is just the first part. There's a second, in which Isaria is asking Guinevere to go and enroll as a student at Ayra's school and all. Maybe I'll post it here?

Flashbacks! XD I wrote a whole story about a character who can only remember things through flasbacks. I think her name was Zeela. ^_^ No plot, of course.

btw. Is this a small bit of the prologue, a sort of intro to the prologue, or does this scene continue?

Thank-you!

Don't worry, the style is only for the prologue. And maybe some flashbacks, but I'm not sure.

Yuppers. It's short. But very beautiful. ^_^ I have no help for you, except to say that though this style is lovely, don't write the whole story like this. I love description, but I get tired quickly if smothered in it. Also, the problem with metaphors is that they're vert passive, somehow. Actions done in metaphor don't feel done, they're implied. Thus, lots of fancy descriptions means not lots of stuff happening. Just my two cents for when you continue. Hope it will be of some help.

^_^ Keek!

like ur oter piece tis is ****! 'curdled moonlight'? how can moonlight b curdled? and how can pine trees be dusky?

Thanks!
I'll try to read your guide, but I'm grounded so it might be a while before I get around to it.

But you're really good!

Wanna read my short...thing?( I wouldn't exactly call it a story, mroe like a guide)

It's a few paragraphs long and in non-fic
called A guide to snowshoveling

I wrote in school while the teacher was going on about area. ( I would think that 7th graders would knows what l and w stand for)

Thanks Nikki!
I appreciate the compliments. But I'm sure you'll find that there are plenty of bette young writers on the site.

Wow Ayra. Honestly, I think you are the best Writer I have ever seen who's even under 18. You are outstanding! I have sloppy, short, un-detailed (I know it's not a word..) stories that I thought were good but then WOW! I read yours. You have amazing talent.Don't ever forget that

Nikki

Thanks!
I'm currently working on chapter one, but seeing as I can only get on during school ('cuz I'm grounded) I won't be able to post it for a while yet.
Cheers,
Narf
-Ayra

*blinks*

wow...

that was amazing. i love your use of adjectives....extremely original.

wow.

Aw, thanks!
I'll be adding more tomorrow, since now I'm not supposed to be on the computer...*shifty eyes*

this is.....excellent.
Short, to the point and obviously well thought-out

PM me when you write more please!!!

AAAYYYRRRAAA!

Why are you so incredible? I still can't believe how eloquent your prose is. Curdled moonlight...sheer genius.

There is nothing wrong with this. Every line is pure and piercing, just like the knife.

Fantastic. I'll be looking out for the next part.