Kinetic

Thank you. Agree with everything you two are saying.

But Kris, your criticism is only of help and use, so quit saying sorry and say "you're welcome wojovox"
and I will say "why thank you Kris"

Hmm... Seems like a good verse to put in a song, but maybe not so powerful on its own.

I do like the ending and first lines though, though the first could do some rearranging in terms of word order.

'Kinetic is the only Essential' yes, I like that, you are suggesting that movement is mandatory, to never stop, yes?

The other two lines seem a little 'Oh let's stick this in for padding' however, sort of like you forced some ryhming to make it so. I might like to add that the ryhming wouldn't actually ne necessary in this poem.

I like the message it's giving though, and it does have a nice, surreal sort of feel to it. It's short, snappy, quite dreamy and rhythmic despite the theme.

First of all, i commend you for attempting such a short poem. I do despise excessively long poems >< hehehe ( and NO! it's not because I'm lazy ><).
However, when you are writing such a short poem. One needs more than ever to have a strong message. I am very sorry to say, this poem does not seem to have any direction. The rhythm and the rhymes are nice and smooth - kudos on that. Anyway, I don't think that this poem is going anywhere, what is it saying?
I think it has the capacity to germinate into something very deep...I think i get a taste of introverted philosophy, but it is too vague and fleeting.

Wojovox wrote:Try to never fall asleep maybe "try never to sleep"