Ticking and tapping on old tired trees,
A song played in morse
Conceives new harmonies.
Displayed in the wood
A magnificent painting,
A panoply of odd
Indentations reigning.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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130,003 Literary Works • 671,511 Reviews
the poem is good .i love the way you expressed the body of the wood pecker. the constant ticking is describeb as a music. the painting was what i dont know. however i wanted the poem to be a long so that it could be cherished for a longer period of time .the best part was the childish apprach, in standard one book we had such nature describing ever loving poem.
Thanks!
Hey WishUponAStar!
Welcome to YWS.
I think this poem is working in very little space to do something pretty cool. I like how you develop the understanding of woodpeckers and work towards creating an understanding of a different way to see them. It's unique and fun.
I would like to suggest that you work a little more on sounds. Right now you have a poem that has a lot of rhyming and alliteration which draws lot of attention to the sounds of the words, which is probably what you wanted, but I almost find it distracting because it's so heavy handed. You can't get more than a couple words before you end up in another multi-syllable word that rhymes. Rhyme is good, but it needs a bit more moderation. When you use it too much, it loses it's effectiveness, and I think you're bordering on that. Just a caution for the future really. This poem is good, and doesn't need much fixing.
You might want to consider moving more into the modern poetry movements with the capitalization following sentence structure, or even lack of capitalization, or lack of both capitalization and punctuation. Your punctuation is good, but you might find an interesting result if you take all of that away and just leave the words.
Aley
I really appreciate your input, and will definitely look into some of your suggestions!
Hmm, I really enjoy this!
CaptainSalty here with a review!
I did indeed like this. It's short and simple. There are some things that need to be tweaked though.
This part looks a bit jumbled together. Let's fix that with a comma!
This part also looks jumbled together. We can fix that though.
Otherwise, I really enjoyed this. It's kept simple and nice. I want to read more of your poetry. Don't give up and always write, WishUponAStar!
-CaptainSalty
Thanks so much! I really appreciate your input!
This is an interesting poem. I loved when you use descriptive words, it really creates a solid mental image of what you are writing about. You are very imaginative, I bet, to even think of woodpeckers as an intriuging creature!
Thanks so much!
I have no idea how to review this work. This poem is great and left me thinking about woodpeckers.
Thanks, glad you liked it!