Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well..this wasn't quite what I was expecting with that kind of title, but I will say I wasn't disappointed at all. This was a pretty neat little short story right here...and I certainly enjoyed it.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Foam-capped waves crept up the golden beach, and the sound of the ocean eased the minds of all the tourists packing up their beach umbrellas and sandy towels to head home for the night. It was peaceful—and seemingly the perfect place for a nice relaxing vacation.

But if someone . . . a more observant person, in particular . . . were to look towards the horizon where the sea touches the sky, they might find that something unusual was brewing beneath the surface of the calm.

Miles beneath the Pacific ocean, something was stirring. Or rather, many things.

They had been feared by the ancestors of the past. Forgotten by the people of the present. But surely, their kind would be unearthed by the generations of the future.

Suddenly a sharp, sucking sound came from far out into the sea. Strangely though, the deafening sound didn’t seem to reach the ears of the last straggling beachgoers. The water spiraled and shot downwards, making a freak whirlpool that all but touched the ocean floor.

Thousands of glowing eyes blinked open at once, staring at the strange movements of the water. It intrigued them. One by one the creatures formed a ring around the whirlpool and started chanting an ancient spell. Only moments later, a fissure started to form on the seafloor.

The ocean was awake.

Hi WishIHadASword,

Mailice here with a short review!

As you wrote, this is the beginning of a story you started. My first question here is whether you have continued writing and / or whether you want to publish it here.

The structure starts, I found it a very successful beginning and you create a really excellent touch of story in the way you start the narrative. You have put a lot of effort into choosing a writing style to tell the story in a neutral point of view and have developed it to the point where you have written a very great introduction/prologue with it.

I really like how you start with it getting dark and you approach with indirect references to the humans and legends before describing the creatures and their home. I like how the voice up to that point feels like it's a documentary or the beginning of an expedition.

Since this beginning is reasonably short, I think it fits very well as a kind of prologue before you introduce the possibly relevant characters with the next chapter. I assume you don't want to keep this style of writing for the rest of the book. (That documentary voice again).

Other points I noticed:

Foam-capped waves crept up the golden beach, and the sound of the ocean eased the minds of all the tourists packing up their beach umbrellas and sandy towels to head home for the night.

were to look towards the horizon where the sea touches the sky,

Miles beneath the Pacific ocean,

They had been feared by the ancestors of the past. Forgotten by the people of the present.

The ocean was awake. 

Hey there, I'd love to leave you a short review on this piece! ^_^ I'll start with my impressions while reading and then end with my overall thoughts c:

Foam-capped waves crept up the golden beach, and the sound of the ocean eased the minds of all the tourists packing up their beach umbrellas and sandy towels to head home for the night.

But if someone . . . a more observant person, in particular . . . were to look

Miles beneath the Pacific ocean, something was stirring. Or rather, many things.

But surely, their kind would be unearthed by the generations of the future.

Suddenly a sharp, sucking sound came from far out into the sea.

Thousands of glowing eyes blinked open at once, staring at the strange movements of the water. It intrigued them. One by one the creatures formed a ring around the whirlpool and started chanting an ancient spell.

The ocean was awake.

hi, Imma just say that...this story is interesting! but, like another reader, it is too short.
besides that, I think this story is interesting. although you said you wrote this like two years ago, I like your writing style!
hope you have a good day.

Hey!

I loved the opening paragraph. I really liked how you start with a beautiful seashore and finish up with a line that somehow conveys that danger lurks in the corner.

I really liked how you transition from a seemingly calm beach to a strange (maybe seismic?) event.

This line sounds really nice:

The water spiraled and shot downwards, making a freak whirlpool that all but touched the ocean floor.

On the whole, I'm intrigued by the plot that you have laid down. I can't wait to read the rest.

Keep writing.

Hello, IsProcrastinator here for the review!

The opening paragraph establishes a vivid picture of the seaside, which pulled me right in. The descriptions portray a pleasant scene, but at the same time there is a foreboding sense of something scary is about to happen as soon as we move on to the next paragraph.

Miles beneath the Pacific ocean, something was stirring. Or rather, many things.