Young Writers Society

hiiii....

i really enjoyed reading the poem....it was kinda funny....but on a whole,,,we know what you feel when you see her.....
great work...
I did find few things that were incorrect.....like....spelling mistakes..
anyhow,,,,great job
keep writing

I kind of like this poem it was written very well and I think you capture how you truly feel about this person. At first, I thought the last line was a little off from the flow of the rest of the poem but now I think it fits okay. I think I'll reread this later to see if I can come with anything else. Good job though.

this is very well written and gets straight to the point which i like a lot.
there are a few things i would point out though if i may...
Firstly, maybe it would be an idea to add a few more commas into the first stanza. This would help keep a suitable pace for the reader to read it. otherwise i feel as though it goes too fast and the reader doesnt take in as much as they could do.
Secondly, in the first stanza where it says....
'The circles of her hips

creates an orbit'
forgive me if im wrong but i think it ought to be...
'The circles of her hips CREATE...' rather than creates. but im not too sure if im right on that. sorry if im wrong!
i think that this poem is really good and because it gets straight to the point, it really involves the reader immediately.
good job!

A couple of mistakes-"I fall in love to fast" should be "I fall in love too fast" and loose should be lose. I liked "I grasp at soft flesh and logic fades
away…", and that you put a scientific, black and white spin on something that is usually portrayed as something very emotional and confusing, especially the part about her hips and the gravitational pull. Good work.