Published June 13, 2016
I sit and wonder why I'm such a mess,
Then I look at you, remembering again,
For at this time I'm not good enough,
The most pure appearance, and yet the darkest thoughts,
Many words remain unspoken,
Now you walk out, leaving behind a bloodied mess,
Now we both must ponder,
Because how can the insane man be the only survivor left?
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140,870 Literary Works • 673,696 Reviews
Chilow here for the review, let's do this
Keep up the good work, and know that I'll be keeping an eye out and reading what you have to offer! Cheers!
Perhaps you've seen some of my reviews on other poems..... if not, I'll fill you in on the fact that I simply love short and sweet poems, so my opinion towards your might be positively biased lol.
On to business! When people write without a discernible rhyme or rhythm, it can be hard to still write a good and meaningful poem, to avoid the jumbled mess that some people can run into. I can easily say that you quite easily avoided this, and instead of ending up with a 10-car pileup of words, you crafted a uniquely structured poem that leaves a reader (at least just me) thinking about the words for quite some times afterwards.
"I sit and wonder why I'm such a mess,
Then I look at you, remembering again,
For at this time I'm not good enough,
The most pure appearance, and yet the darkest thoughts"
^ ^ ^ I like this bit quite a lot, possibly because I've always liked the idea of an outwardly innocent but inwardly dark and venomous person/ entity, and possibly because it puts ideas of misplaced or forgotten love? I could be simply misconstruing that, and I apologize if that is that case.
I must admit that many possible meanings are lost on me and that you have poetry skills that far surpass my reviewing ability xD You may realize this more clearly in my next few lines...
"Many words remain unspoken,
Now you walk out, leaving behind a bloodied mess,
Now we both must ponder,
Because how can the insane man be the only survivor left?"
^ ^ ^I was originally completely lost on the ending of the poem, but then I got to reading some other reviews and what KaBooomm said really got me thinking. If you think about it, only the insane really make out well in life. The inordinately wealthy could be called insane, in a sense. Take oil tycoons for example. I'm sure it takes at least a few screws to be loose to be alright with ruining your own home, your own planet in order to make a buck. I'm ranting, I'm sorry, but I think that you will understand my point xD
So again, I apologize for any completely missed understandings of your work, and I hope that at least a small part of what I've said might prove helpful, or at least give you a little pride
I really like this poem!! Especially the last line.
I love how it makes me think that only the insane survive in this world. There is no room for sanity, it gets tramped by the disorder. Nobody is really perfect or sane. Which is why we survive, even if its barely surviving.Although I wonder, if you're talking about the speaker being insane or the addressee? This line seems to point that you're talking about the speaker. Also earlier the speaker admits to being a 'mess', which can be considered a jab towards insanity.
Though this line seems contradictory if it's the speaker. It say the 'only survivor', meaning that only one person survived. And from this line we also know that the addressee has walked out unscathed (I presume). That makes two survivors. If the Addressee is the survivor, the 'insane' seems a bit out of context and a bit vague to me.
Otherwise I really liked how simple yet full of meaning your poem was <333
OMG.
This poem is amazing. It`s not totally up front, but I can still see the meaning behind it. It`s confusing at first, but you have to read it multiple times, like any good poem. It`s not plain or simple, and It shouldn`t be. The only thing I would suggest to change is the end, because It feels out of the context of the poem, even more cryptic than the rest. Or maybe that works and I`m just oblivious.
Keep Writing!!!
~Lanastair
I really like the content of it. I just wish, the lines would rhyme. Great one