“Couldn’t you have forced her or something?” Bevan asked me.
We were sitting in the clearing once again, discussing the little girl. Bevan’s right arm was in a sling, his knuckles were cleaned and he looked much better.
“It was like she had the mind of a six-year-old,” I said. “She couldn’t have hurt him.”
“Who knows what the minds of six-year-olds are like in Adwen?” Bevan said. “They could be murderous or something, I mean, look at her face.”
“I doubt murderous people carry rag dolls and play in sandpits.”
“How would you know she carries a rag doll?” Bevan asked bewilderedly.
I sighed. Bevan doesn’t know about my first excursion into Adwen. I didn’t know whether I should tell him.
“She’s just a kid okay?”
We sat in silence for a moment. It was hot in the dense foliage. I wanted to go back to the coolness of the cottage. Just as I stood up, Bevan spoke again.
“Any news from my father?” he asked to the ground.
“No one has seen him for a while,” I said. “The villagers think –“ I took a breath. “They think he’s gone back to the city.”
“What do you mean back?” Bevan asked, standing up quickly. He accidentally bumped his right elbow against the log we were leaning against, causing him to wince in pain.
“I don’t know, Bevan.”
He looked back at the ground.
“If he’s really gone,” he started. “I can come back.” His face lightened up. I could tell he missed it. I did too. The mark was fading rapidly now. I hoped it’d be gone in a few days.
“But there won’t be any Combat and Stealth without Magorian.”
“You’ll know where he is tomorrow,” Bevan said quickly.
He made for the opening to the clearing, but I grabbed his arm.
“Let me just make sure Bevan,” I said. “I’ll go to your cottage tonight and see if he’s there.” I knew Bevan could be reckless. I didn’t really want to go to his father. I like the rest of the town, was scared of him. I just didn’t want Bevan to know that.
“You’d do that?” Bevan asked, amazed. The sudden spark of admiration in his eyes made me smile.
“Anytime.”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,837 Reviews
This is another sweet and short chapter, Willow, and that's part of the reason why this novel is really great to read. This seemed extensively short compared to the other chapters I've encountered in this very same book, and those I consider short!
Well, I guess I should start fixing some of those grammar and comma mistakes, but there's not that many, mostly because of the length of this.
^I think you meant to add 'about' in between 'discussing' and 'the.' Just saying.
^I've just noticed that you keep the second line of dialogue in the same line as the other when they're being spoken by the same person, which I like that. Even though I was too late to tell you that, you did it anyways.
^This is a run-on sentence. You could have ended it where that comma is present.
Uhh, I wouldn't be too sure about that
^That needs a comma
^Nice imagery there, even if it's just a small portion. And yes, there were probably more examples of imagery in past chapters, but I decided to point this one out because this chapter doesn't really have that much. That's mostly because this is dialogue heavy, so I don't blame you.
^That is missing a comma.
Overall, I like the simplicity of this chapter. It really takes a step back and lets you think through what has happened lately. I'd read this again if I had to!
With caution,
WaterSpout
I like Amaia but it seems to bright and cheerful. I kind of have a, not dark sense of the girl, but not a bright and cheerful sense of her. And like Sam said this is good but no profound. But good
This is just like a little part in between.
Do you think I should change Nudith to Amaia?
Hmmm...
Not much else to say. Pretty good, not profound. But it's getting interesting...