Hello Willow, hope you're having a good day wherever you are! I decided to stop by another story of yours. And sure enough, this didn't disappoint. But I'm a little confused by the whole plot. Not the entirety of it, I understand what this is about, enough of the story, and the police character. But I'm confused by the whole clown thing.
I suppose I should get on with it. So what I noticed is that you've improved on your grammar so much since the Smoke and Dust novel. I only found two potential errors and they're not even that bad.
So without further ado, I'll get started.
Even some grown ups wiped off a tear.
Okay, so I decided to list the grammar first since it's the easiest, then I'll come back to my confusion. That will hopefully be the main part of this review.
Sorry for being nitpicky, but that needs a hyphen.
Usually they’d still be in their beds, or at least in their houses.
Just one comma error, one. But I guess this story wasn't that long. Either way, good job!
And now, my confusion. I know this is so over hyped, but my reviews usually center around grammar, but you kinda made that impossible.
So I'm talking about the whole serial crime idea these criminals have in their minds. First off, they dressed Officer Binley up, they etched a smile on his face(by force...), and they drowned him in a lake. Or wait, what did they do?
So first off, why did the police department let a seventy-eight-year-old still on active duty? That doesn't make sense. If he didn't want to, maybe he could have taken role as the head, or a boss, but not roam the streets. Unless the criminals/criminal caught him. But I doubt that
Second of all, was Officer Binley already dressed up as a clown, then they killed him? Or did they dress him up? I'd say it was the latter. Why would a police be dressed as a clown. So I guess this was pointless. BUT, I'd still like to say this had some great potential. A crime group o criminal dressing people as clowns, then killing them, calling them Harlequins? That sounds awesome! But too bad this is, like, fifteen years old. Oh well. I will still wish you happy writing!
With caution,
WaterSpout
Points: 10511
Reviews: 83
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