It just came to me when i'm reading about Erasmus. His tolerant attitude in many fields like religion really impressed me.And that shall be a steep contrary to many of his contemporaries and succecessors.
When one day, I turned open
the old, wreck`d history book
one thousand of valours, knights,
kings and ministers came
with all their virtues:
Bravery, Honesty, Resistence
and so on and on
Which could not interest me
not only when a little, pale elder
came with his petty folded pamphlet
Then I started upon
reading such joyful chapters
where all kings and barons gone
I saw some short-men
With their coats of many holes
and their worn shoes
suspiciously and hostily
watching another group of humans
----wandering, eating, wasting,
loving and laughing
when flowers had to blossom
amongst the most jolly guys
and those who were dull
forever staying in their mice-holes
Let misery and jealousy
Gone with them, only joys
remained for thus happy men
----Afer all, if you ever want
the author`s name
I shall tell you
people call him Eramus of Rotterdam
with his kind book
Praise of Follies
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,005 Literary Works • 672,794 Reviews
Hey and welcome to YWS, I'm kind of new myself, so, HIGH FIVE!!!!
.
I haven't got much to say about this poem; I haven't read the book you've based it on so I tried my best, but please forgive me for any mistakes
I'm guessing that you wrote this from your own past experience, from when you first read it, but I did feel like you could of added some more detail on how you were feeling. If the reader doesn't know how the character is feeling, then the can't feel any emotion from this poem theirselves. Especially since your poem doesn't follows a beat, doesn't rhyme, and is a free-line poem, it shouldn't matter if you add a few extra details to your poem.
These lines seemed a bit awkward for me to read as they were the only ones as they rhymed. Maybe change the third line to 'where all the kings and barons vanished' or something like that. It's just a suggestion, it's your choice.
Just wanted to say, AWESOME ALLITERATION!
Also, I think that your ending was a bit sudden and rushed, maybe build on it more as it seemed like you had just write a poem and cut it in half. I would of ended with just one word. Or maybe you could end it with your personal veiw of the book. I would of enjoyed to hear more about what you like about the story.
Overall, I think that the content of your poem wasn't bad at all, but you lacked emotion and truthfully, I didn't feel any. Sorry. Although it was good for your first piece, my first piece was very bad.
Hope this helped