fat cows moo (an eating disorder ditty)

Hello, Godly here for a review and happy review day!

First of all, loving the layout here. You are really good at this! I like how you focus on such a pressing topic and emphasise it with the shape of the cow. You seem to talk about how we are being pressured more and more into societies moulds and we are being restricted to a certain mind set. The first thing you focus on is veganism. This is quite the debatable topic but it is an issue which is pushed into our brains 24/7. More and more are converting to at least vegetarians making those that eat meat look worse and worse. Videos and pictures parade the internet and our friends and we are forced to consider it. The next topic you focus on is weight and eating disorders which links closely to vegans. How we are influenced by ideal lifestyle and body ideas on the media and it causes many to make themselves underweight in fear of being shamed for being anywhere above the norm. Why is veganism linked? Well there is an apparent lack of protein in their diets which is a large part of a healthy diet. This isn't recognised though and they continue to eat below what their body needs. All in all the cow shape acts as irony in a nutshell.

Overall a meaningful and thought provoking poem that was incredibly well thought out.

All the best,
Godly

Strange,

There's so much in here~

I like the fat legs on the cow.

The parenthetical (success) / (depression) kind of sunk down there...
at the bottom...
like little weights!

I like the don't come fast --not fat enough break.

The way veganism drifts somewhere, but not really, the 'm' really looks like the hairy tassley part of the tail (what is that called?)--anyway!


Everything from "Alex called..." to "...pouring out my nostrils and into the toilet drain" I loved. There is such a flow to it, a sardonic voice, a tone that is familiar in both sense. In one sense, we recognize this as a casual/speech kind of familiarity that is relatable to your audience. At the second point, familiar in how Alex and the speaker are familiar with one another and it is that which really drags us into this world as though we are a part of it. The experience for me is kind of like slipping into a maze and seeing myself out, not without stopping here and there, reflecting, taking note, feeling.

"Alone, on the tiles, would I feel the water lay my head to rest" is a bit awkward in construction. It is all passive voice. Passive voice does work in this, both for the way the speaker feels passive in this journey - but too much of it can really muddle up the flow, right? It works in "I was met with a slap" the sort of two-seconds-too-late realization hits the reader as well as the speaker, so it is brilliant in pacing. In the tiles line, I do like the sense of the water enveloping, but that is precisely why it works better in active voice. You can switch the subjects around and personify the water and keep it in active voice and get the same enveloping effect(?) Hit me up if this doesn't make sense to you.


The other thing that lost me was the switch in topics from bulimia to environmentalism. I don't mind at all the engulfing of topics and the switch itself, because it keeps it interesting how we see these connections, but it's more the suddenness and transition of the switch which is quite a literal break, I would've liked to have the narrative smooth into it.

Those are all my suggestions though, overall, beautiful job. I enjoyed this :3

~ as always Audy