I drew my first love a pink triangle
on her binder, the words
"Gag me with a spoon"
written on it with a small black
heart dotting the i.
She found it humorous,
I found it needy.
My parents sat me down
mid-hormone filled puberty
to let me know that it is
"natural for boys to like girls",
but a little bit weird for
boys to like girls who like girls.
"Queer" is outdated,
teenage confusion isn't,
lessons I've learned from our
underage drinking and
political discussions.who names a town benghazi?
Hoping for a pat on the back
is much easier than a drunk kiss
or the end to a hopeless crush,
personality plays a crucial factor
but so does preference.
I wear my heart on my sleeve
disguised as Weezer lyrics
and self deprecation,
stepping on fragile lily pads
between disorder and hope.
"At least you aren't shallow",
she says in the end,
but that's only because I needed
a pool to dive in.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,775 Reviews
Your poem is excellent, it captures the readers interest, it's meaningful, and it covers a variety of topics while maintaining the overall topic.
The stanza's run so.
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I love these types of things, as you end with him needing a pool to dive in, so do the stanzas get shorter and narrower the farther you read. It is almost like reading into a hole, which is perfect for this poem. I've used similar devices myself, and I have to ask, did you do it on purpose?
Second, Toward the end most of the stanzas are one sentence each, however it is more often split into two at the beginning. Another example of the narrowing effect! I feel that in essence as you read you are delving more into this persons psych as information adds up even as it seems he is pulling away, even deeper!
Good Job, I loved it.
Stranger,
I feel this piece has a definite meaning to it. The fact of the girl's romantic preferences brings up a topic that even though i may support, others don't, which i also respect. i feel that the parents in the story may be either against it, or at least don't support it, judging by their language in this poem. I also like the part where the boy thinks his actions are needy, while she thinks it's cute. Also, at the end when it says, and i feel a need to quote this here,
I feel that this defines how the boy is feeling and how the girl isn't realizing the obvious. Overall, i fell this is a great piece, and i hope to see more of your work in the future. Write on!!!!!
With love,
SpencerReidIsMyLife
The girl is aware, as it was said in the fourth and sixth stanza. It's basically the girl saying "you're a really cool guy and all, and i find you great, but I'm kind of a lesbian". But yeah, thanks for the review!