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16+ Violence


by Willard

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

Kill yourself, Martha,
so I can read through
all your books of poetry,
analyze your flowery
metaphors and imagery,
trace your train of thought
with an eager index finger
just to see if you still think of me.

Kill yourself, Martha,
so I can make crude art pieces
in memory of your memory
and our memories together,
because I'm tired of going
to fire stations and public parks
and feeling the taste of blood and bark
build up in the back of my throat.

Kill yourself, Martha,
so I don't have to
kill myself through
pro wrestling videos
and innate mental abuse,
trying to drown the
albatross in my bonnet
but I've always doubted
its ability to swim.

Kill yourself, Martha,
so I can break all the patterns
I've set, start capitalizing
every letter I will ever write
and know that I won't cut myself
if a small gust of wind knocks down
the foundation I've built.

Kill yourself, Martha,
because nothing else can.
I've never been a man of hate,
just one of regret and impatience.

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299 Reviews

Points: 24185
Reviews: 299

Mon Sep 11, 2017 12:59 am
TheSilverFox wrote a review...

Willard! It's been a long time since we've ever talked, much less since I've ever reviewed anything of yours. But, with this being RevMo, I thought I might as well go and review some of my favorite authors and poets, so here I am.

I remember I read this about the time it came out, but I doubt that it resonated with me as strongly as it has now. A good part of that is my growing depression and anxiety issues, but the poem could stand its ground no matter how I feel. As the narrator says at the end, "I've never been a man of hate,/just one of regret and impatience." It's a brilliant summary of the overlying impressions the narrator has of Martha, and which you masterfully convey to the audience. The narrator seems regretful of what might be a wasted life, wallowing in depression while trying to suffocate his mind and senses. Only the death of Martha, in its tragedy, can give him some kind of purpose to his life, as he can then dedicate himself to her legacy; regarding this, he has a heavy impatience. It's definitely not a healthy mentality, but there is some irony in the sense that only a suicide would stop his suicide. The awareness of mortality would cripple his own efforts to hurt himself, as it reminds him how easily he can be destroyed by the world. The way that you demonstrate all of this is magnificent, and that sense of irony brings an almost comical bleakness into this poem. True to your style, I'd say, and what I've always liked about it.

As for any criticisms, I don't have much. I was originally going to point out an almost weird contradiction where the narrator mentions trying to drown the albatross, but that he always doubted its ability to float. In retrospect, I realize that it's actually a clever way to state, as supported by the next stanza, his growing awareness that the world can stomp on him without his own efforts involved. I could suggest adding a comma at the end of "every letter I will ever write", just because the next line is sharply different. Otherwise, this is fantastic. Everything is well-written, the flow is amazing, and you've demonstrated your great skills as a poet. So, with that, I tip my hat (well, baseball cap, but you get the idea) to you. Well done!

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16 Reviews

Points: 428
Reviews: 16

Mon Jul 31, 2017 4:54 am
bloodstring says...


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55 Reviews

Points: 4517
Reviews: 55

Sun Jul 30, 2017 4:16 am
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DarshayataDeka wrote a review...

Hi! Thought I'd drop in for a quick review.

This poem is a very powerful one. I loved it!

I did not find any grammatical errors as such. The words were written very well indeed. Repetition of the line "Kill yourself, Martha" at the beginning of every stanza made the poem more powerful.

The title of the poem "Martha" complements it as it is what the poem is actually about. The words flow out naturally and are not forced. I guess it is quite poetic, if you know what I mean. The quaint poem is metaphorically resonant and relevant in today's age. I felt that it was somewhat pessimistic but that can be overlooked since depression and heartbreak are things which are meant to be crude. Moving on, I felt that you should have added a line or two about Martha instead of writing just about your point of view. Also, I felt that the last stanza was kind of short and ended the poem abruptly. Perhaps that was its point: to show how the tender strings of a relationship can be snap off (or be cut off) easily and suddenly. This is one of the things I love about your poems, Willard. One can find many metaphors and interpret them in several ways.

Overall, it was a great poem (though a bit different from the others, as Nikayla said). I loved it! Keep up the amazing work!

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141 Reviews

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Reviews: 141

Sun Jul 30, 2017 1:50 am
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Hattable says...

I've personally gone through depression and I found this really disrespectful.

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1080 Reviews

Points: 125
Reviews: 1080

Sun Jul 30, 2017 12:54 am
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Kaylaa wrote a review...

This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review, as promised.

Different from your usual poetry yet still the same. Huh. I have to say that I enjoy the usage of repetition in this poem. The first stanza kicks off quite strong with a dash towards being an impressive poem. That first step is powerful especially with the details and the poetic devices/elements being listed. The themes and ideas here are clear with the speaker wanting to know if Martha, this other person in the poem, thinks of them.

That being said, I found the line of repetition to be a little...crude? I'm looking past that for this poem and putting on thicker skin to ignore that because it does work in your favor. The second stanza is a still powerful second step--the wording of 'blood and bark' confuses me. I can understand blood. I however, cannot understand how bark gets in the back of your throat. It's possible that I'm being too literal here--not quite sure.

The third stanza and the third step however begins to weaken. The third step towards the top of the stairs is more of a stumble where we as the readers have to grab onto the railing to keep going to the Plateau of Understanding. The third stanza is definitely a mixed bag in terms of subject matter. It's this list stanza that you tend to do sometimes that lists maybe three or four different things that are only somewhat related--I don't like them much and this is one of them.

Only five stanzas here, actually! Shorter than I originally thought/remembered from the pad. I'm almost in the belief that this is one of those poems where the name 'Martha' is referencing something else. Reminds me of that one Logic song--Nikki, though I'm pretty sure that's not the case. Just a thought I had because of the last stanza in particular with the second line. The fourth stanza and even the fifth are easily the weakest in the poem for me. This isn't to say that I completely dislike them, I just felt that the ending here is less impactful than other poems of yours and that the fourth stanza doesn't really bring anything to the table. With that being said, solid poem Willdog! The meaning of the ending is a little confusing, but overall keep up the nice work.

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.



Willard says...

Thank you so much, Kay!

About the blood and bark line, the bark is in reference to public parks because, well, their playgrounds have bark.

The function of education is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically. Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education.
— Martin Luther King, Jr.