My Drama teacher
pretends to be a puppy dog
hosting a birthday party.
ring;
an animal
hits the doorbell.
She dashes to the door,
where only the legs of the whiteboard
stands in the way.
One leg takes out her faulty knee,
and the first thing to hit the stage
was her face, then arms, then her whole body.
The whole class goes quiet except for one kid,
who decides to stand up at the back of the bleachers
and yells as loud as he can:
"Stay in character!"
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139,298 Literary Works • 672,525 Reviews
This is clever writing. It is hilarious and catches your attention.
It could have been longer and should maybe have had a bit more colour in it. In the part where an animal rings the bell, I think you could have expanded it, like explaining what the animal was. The over all poem is good, but could do with some more expansion. I get the joke and it was a good one, but writing is supposed to take you to another world and unfortunately this didn't quite do it for me.
I would read it again, but it needs a bit of work. I look forward to seeing more of your work.
I don't quite get how I'm supposed to expand?
The part where (an animal hits the doorbell.) I would like to know what the animal was. You could write it (a grey elephant hits the door bell.) Its just the two beginning parts feels a little rushed. The rest is great. It is just my opinion and I could be wrong, I don't want to get you down or anything.
The part where (an animal hits the doorbell.) I would like to know what the animal was. You could write it (a grey elephant hits the door bell.) Its just the two beginning parts feels a little rushed. The rest is great. It is just my opinion and I could be wrong, I don't want to get you down or anything.
Hey ¨Stranger¨! So I am here to do a review!
Ok so I liked your poem! I thought that it was humorous and really straight to the point.
So with this quote I think that you should have maybe described the situation a bit more. I did not really understand the whole situation until the very end of the poem. I did like though that you put the situation at the beginning of the poem to start it off. I just think you should have described the situation a bit more.
For this quote I was confused. I did not know if the teacher was the animal that hit the doorbell, or if there was someone else that hit the doorbell. One again I think that you should maybe explain more throughout the whole poem, or this part quote. It just sounded pretty confusing. I just did not really understand it, but I liked how you put the ring in to describe the sound.
I really liked this part of the poem. It was an encouraging and a good part to add. I also liked it because it shows that the students can encourage the teacher. It shows a type of leadership the student had, and it showed what the student had learned from the teacher. I just really liked this part!
Good poem! Keep up the great work!
Hello! My name is Wiley and, I'm here to review your poem. My first impression of this poem is that it's really funny, but also a bit dark. I'm not quite sure what conveyed this, but I think it was the slight schadenfreude that occurred towards the end, the apparent lack of sympathy for the drama teacher, and the overall bizarre situation described.
"Stands" should be "stand" or "are standing." This is because "stands" is present singular tense and you're talking about multiple legs.
I think you should say "her face, then her arms, then her whole body." This was, you are consistent in restating whose limbs are doing what.
You should say "standing up at the back of the bleachers, who yells as loud as he can:". I feel this flows better and is generally a better way to construct the statement.
Besides these grammatical and structural suggestions, I feel this poem is really good and that there's nothing more that needs to be said! It didn't take itself too seriously and included good imagery and an engaging story.
Good job!
- Wiley