Believe it or not i made this up on the spot for my girlfriend. Please comment rating how good you think this is and i will comment you back.
Your eyes, sparkle in the light
Reflecting your emotion,
Our love's higher than a kite
Deeper than the ocean,
Your wings spread out wide,
Cos your an angel,
I can feel the love right inside
Baby your my angel,
For you, cliffs can be broken down,
Just with my bare hands,
Our voices create a sound,
Spread over all lands.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Is this a first attempt?
Well either ways not bad man (: you make this fellow male writer proud. It flowed pretty well.. a couple of notes though...
first is this a song or a poem?
may I suggest you write some more lines should it be a song,.. but anyhow the other thing is I can see you put a lot of thought in it, so criticism is the last thing I will add..however try working on incorporating.. trickier rhymes.. for development yah : )
good job
This is awesome. You really did a great job to be made on the spot. But I wouldn't recommend this to be a song. An actual Lyric has Verses, a chorus, and a bridge. I can put music to this very easily which is why I would recomend it to be reposted in Lyric Poetry. You would get quite a few positive critiques. Once again, Great Job
Hi, Will!
June
This was very cute! For being made-up on-the-spot, this was definitely excellent. I really liked the rhyme you used; it suited this piece well, and didn't come off as forced.
One thing, though! Is this a song, or is it a poem?
Nice work! Keep it up!