Young Writers Society

Sicily: Memoir

Prologue

“He gave you are chance and you went and blew it didn’t you?”

“Mother it’s not like that at all!”

“Sicily, I’ve had quite enough, you will obey me in this matter.”

“Mother he is a prudish pig, whose idea of charm is to wink and say most vulgar things about me”

“Sicily!”

“Oh mother it is only the truth, and it’s not like anyone can hear us.”

“That is not the point young lady, you should be happy, a delightful man who is well respected and well-liked by society is interested in you.”

“Mother… I’m not trying to discredit the man, I’m sure he is all that you say he is but he isn’t right for me.”

“That is quite enough!”

Chapter One

As you may have guessed by this point, my name is Sicily; the most unfortunate woman who is being forced into a marriage with a man not of my choosing. Though it wasn’t uncommon, I was uncommon for arguing about it. However, there is no point starting in the middle until we have finished the beginning.

My first memories of life are of my nursery. Its bright colours to this day can remind me of a carefree childhood, where everything was new and exciting, when the world was beautiful and simple.

My whole world was centred on one woman, Sophia, my nanny. She gave light when I saw only darkness. I worshiped her and loved her. She was beautiful, with porcelain skin, full red lips a graceful pale neck and delightful jaw lines. Sophia’s hair was long, black and wild, it would hang in tangles down her back and when she made an effort of a hairstyle it would sit precariously upon her head. However, it was her eyes that fascinated me the most. They were emeralds with flecks of ember in their hearts. Her eyes would change colour depending on her mood, it was a useful thing when I wanted something.

My life as an adult didn’t truly start until I met the man who stole my heart, however, as young girls often do, I thought I was most assuredly a woman when I was sixteen years of age. That was the year that my life changed dramatically and irreversibly. It was that year that both my life and story truly began.

It was summer, and all sorts of wonderful things were going to happen that summer. It was finally, my time to be able to show myself off, let the men swoon over me and the women be jealous. To me summer meant romance, passion and parties.

I was selfish, spoilt and had no respect for anyone, unless it suited me. I was obsessive with my image, if me hair wasn’t just so or if my dress didn’t fall in just the right way, I would throw a spectacular tantrum.

To this day I don’t know how Sophia put up with me.

There is one night and one ball that truly sets’ the wheel turning. It was the night I met the two most influential men in my life.

It wasn’t my first ball or the first of the summer. It was held at the Town Hall and was more of a meeting with a dinner and ball afterwards. It didn’t bother me; I could bear the short meeting because I was sure all the men would be catching glimpses of me.

The preparations for the Ball were stressful and incredibly lengthy. It took hours for Sophia to wrap me in the layers of intricately designed pieces of material. The result was breath taking, of course it all looked like the dress was simple and couldn’t possible take an hour to get into. I always thought that the layers were also a type of binding, so that no matter what you would always be in that dress. As it would take just as long to get out of it and then back into it, there never were any secretive affairs.

That night I can remember in detail what I was wearing. The dress was a long ruby dress, made of silk; the way it was designed ensured that my assets were on display while insuring a sense of modesty. Diamonds frosted the edges of my sleeves and collar. From my sleeves hung pieces of white material to accentuate the red of my dress. My hair was coiled and flowed down my back. Pearls were woven into my dark tresses. My shoes had a slight heel and were decorated with rubies. My make up was sparse, with red lipstick, slight rouge and red eye shadow.

I knew I was stunning. I was vain, but worse then that was the fact I actually was beautiful. My beauty was my betrayer that night.

Sophia was to go with me as my protector. We arrived at the ball just in time. It made for a spectacular entrance. The moment the doors opened and I had stepped through, all eyes were upon me. They tracked me as I made my way through the crowd. I was even flustered from the intensity of their looks. I was uneasy, something wasn’t right.

I kept my face perfectly still with a hint of warmth and a smile. I was immediately surrounded by men and women alike. However, just before they came, I caught a glimpse of one young man who was looking my way and scowling. I was intrigued; no man had looked at me that way since I was a child. I knew at that moment I had to meet him.

Chapter Two

I didn’t see him again until dinner. The meeting had dragged on. It was of no concern to me of what they were talking about. It wasn’t about anything that interested me. At the time I didn’t know I was acting just as men expect women to act; only to sit through the meeting to look pretty. I was an object of lust and beauty. I wasn’t supposed to have intelligence; it shames me now as I look back at myself at how selfish, clueless and so utterly stupid I was.

It was at dinner that I finally got my chance to meet the handsome young man. As it happens I was seated next to him. He was called Collum Fallows. For the first course he ignored me. I couldn’t believe it, so I gave him the cold shoulder and tried to act like I was having the best time with the 50 year old gentleman that sat across from me. His name was William Henderson. He was much delighted by our conversation and was unfortunately, incredibly vulgar during the conversation. So to save some dignity I gently stopped our conversation as gracefully as possible and began to talk to Sophia who was next to me. Sophia looked relieved that I had stopped talking to William because of his vulgar language.

By the time the last course came, Collum finally, decided to talk to me; commenting on the food and asking me other such nonsense questions. I answered not quite hearing what he was saying, he was after all unbelievably handsome. I asked him what he did and for some unknown reason asked him a political question about the meeting. The conversation went as follows, for he suddenly seemed interested.

“So Collum what do you do for a living?”

“I’m a trader of sorts.”

“Oh, so the impending war would be horrible for your business?”

“Disastrous, it would mean nearly 50% of my business would be cut off.”

“What can you do about it?”

“Unfortunately, nothing and worse is that I can understand why the war may happen. Hostilities have risen between the countries; it has been repressed for years and with the added burden of the drought it is no surprise it has finally happened. All we can do is hope that something happens for things to improve before we have a full-scale war.”

“Ahhh… but after the war won’t there be a boom in your industry as both countries try to recover from the war?”

It was at this point that he gave me a weird look, like he couldn’t believe I was saying such things. To tell you the truth neither could I, I mean I don’t even know where these things were coming from. Even Sophia was giving me strange sideways glances. I was quite pleased I had captured his attention. Most peculiar was that I was actually interested in what he would say next.

“Well…yes but only if we survive the war in its self.”

“A double edged knife.”

“Yes I’ve always thought of it that way as well.”

The last course was finished and many people were moving away to the dance floor. For once I wasn’t interested in dancing; I simply wanted to talk to Collum. For another hour we sat and talked about all sorts of things from politics (I’m so surprised at what I actually picked up from the meeting and from my fathers conversations) to simple things of whether we had brothers or sisters. I had just finished telling him about my favourite sister, Hannah and her love of flowers and gardens, when he invited me to dance. I was pleasantly surprised. He was in fact an excellent dancer; we soon had the ballroom as many other couples made room for us as we twirled our way through the steps. It was at that moment I fell in love with him.

Chapter Three

Weeks swept past; there were many more Balls, parties and meetings. However, it was only the meetings I ever looked forward to, and I don’t need to tell you how surprised my family was. I learnt a lot during those meetings and usually didn’t stay long after the dinner when I found out Collum wasn’t there.

I finally met up with him again, halfway through summer at a meeting. I was delighted to say at the least. We went to each other immediately and the entire night we sat next to each other and during dinner we were enraptured with each other. We danced and talked the night away. It is still one of my favourite memories of my life.

I was in love and I wasn’t afraid to show it. I knew he felt the same from the stolen kiss that we shared that night. I could see it in his eyes that it was true when he whispered in my ear of his feelings for me. I felt that life couldn’t be better or sweeter.

I went home floating. That night I was pulled back down sharply by my father’s announcement.

“Sicily I have wonderful news that will ensure that you are well-off for the rest of your life”

I should have picked up the bad news when he mentioned well-off.

“I have been asked for your hand in marriage by William Henderson.”

It took me a while to control myself and to remember who he was. My heart sank as I recalled the vulgar old man I had talked to at the meeting I had first met Collum. I looked at Sophia and there was both alarm and sympathy in her eyes. She hadn’t known. I looked at my father with eyes filling with tears. I strove to keep a straight face.

“Thank you, father for thinking of me and caring about my future.” My voice quavered at the word future.

My father didn’t appear to notice or pretended not to have notice.

“Father, have you agreed to his request?” My heart was desperate for the word no to be spoken.

“Why of course Sicily.”

I went still, all dreams and hopes died with his words. I was robotic throughout the rest of the night. Sophia was worried for me.

The rest of the week I couldn’t eat or sleep, I refused to go out to parties or anything. I wandered listlessly through my garden. Not truly listening to Sophia’s constant chatter as she tried to get me to talk. All life had left me.

One evening as I was apathetically playing with my food, my father asked me a question. I hadn’t been listening and it took him three times and a nudge from Sophia for me to look up and actually answer him. I don’t think I answered the right thing because he looked annoyed and worried.

“Sicily?”

“Sicily!”

“What? Yes father?”

“What’s wrong? You haven’t eaten for quite sometime, you look tired. You look horrible. What with your wedding coming up you have to look your best.”

Precisely the wrong words to say to me at that moment. My eyes welled up with tears and I looked at him with my emotions raw in my eyes. He flinched back as though I had physically hit him. I looked down at my plate where there was a mangled mess that was once food. I had hurt him, I hadn’t meant to but that was the way it was and it wasn’t like he hadn’t hurt me. He was marrying me off like I didn’t have a mind of my own. It was then that I decided to take action. I was determined to show them who I truly was.

I looked once more at my father took a breath and calmly said to him:

“Father I do not wish to marry William Henderson. I am in love with another man.”

He looked aback and shocked. He gathered himself up and told me that I would obey his will for he only had my best wishes in mind. I was furious; he had no right to say that this was the best thing for me.

“I doubt that very much father, you have only his wealth in mind.” I spat at him.

He went red and all bloated as he stood up and ordered me to go to my room. I bitterly looked at him one last time and told him that he had better get used to me ordering him around when I married William as he was higher born and had a higher status. He took two strides to reach me and he slapped me. It was the first time he had ever hit me. I stood there looking him full in the face, unflinching and cold. I looked down at him and said goodbye to him. As I was walking away I tossed over my shoulder a cruel jab at him about me making sure that the rest of his life would be one horrible pitfall after another. I walked away from that part of my life with only one look back at Sophia with love, farewell and apology in my glance. It was a long time before I ever saw her again.

Epilogue

So now that you know how it began I suppose you wish to know how it ended. I would like to say that I lived happily ever after but life isn’t like fairytales. I did marry Collum and we loved each other to the end of our days. I had three children, the eldest was Edward my son, and twins Shelley and Sophia (after my nanny). We grew old together, Collum passed away three years ago at the age of 65. I did have my revenge on my family. While I was wife to Collum I became renowned for my sharp trading skills and my highly informed political views. With these skills at my disposal I destroyed my father. However, revenge is never sweet. I helped my mother and my sisters who had not married to survive. My father and I never forgave each other and he died an empty man five years after I left. It is one of my biggest regrets; you only ever have one father.

My son became a famous poet and writer. Shelley received the business as she loved it so much and was a truly marvellous trader. She was a sharp woman and wasn’t easy to get to know, a brilliant business woman. Her sister, Sophia fell in love and married a young man named Henry. She is happy to simply be a mother and wife.

William Henderson went on to marry Hannah my oldest sister who was thirty and had been widowed from her first husband. Surprisingly they got on well and enjoyed each others company. It was a happy marriage.

My life wasn’t all happiness and love I had my low moments. However, I always had Collum to lean on when things got tough. My time is ending I have not much time left on Earth. I have written this memoir of my life for my children and most importantly to Sophia; though she passed away many years ago. I feel that I need to explain myself to her for my actions. I have few regrets in my life but one of them is never keeping in touch with Sophia.

I grow older with each passing day and feel my age. I wish simply to move on and go to Collum and Sophia. I couldn’t do that before, I had to tell my story. Death is but the beginning of another story and the end of this one.