The sun sets over the ocean,
An ocean that blooms across the earth,
Its heart berried so deep into the earths watery crust,
not one will find its heart of water
This earth that we are standing on will fall
if that heart is to come out into the open air.
Our hearts will drift away and will be sucked up,
and in replace of our hearts there will be oceans.
That is filled up with water that purse out as it breaths
but one day there won't be anything like earth,
not even heaven or the heart of the ocean,
the only thing that will be seen
is the streaming water from that oceans heart,
the sunlight will dance on its glory.
this is the ocean that will no longer be touched,
this ocean will only get winder and bigger over the place that is empty.
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
This is so cool.....good job to both of you
Thanks Morgan for the kind words.
Awww no prob......%uD83D%uDE0A
Hi,
here is a review.
I loved the imagery and the way the poem was written and the meaning of it. I kind of wish that the format of the poem would be a little different as I feel the complicated slanting takes away from the overall power of just the words. The words just spoke to me and opened up an image of a heart filled with water. I also love the flow and rhythm. Its a very deep meaning in a seemingly non deep image that really gives a strong feeling to it. Thank you so much for writing and I hope to see more like this soon.
I am so happy to here this, thanks for the kind words.
Wow, this is great! It's so beautifully perfect... <3
Aww thanks.
Your welcome!
Hello,
This is such a well-written poem! I really like all the emotion that was conveyed really well from it... and how each line flowed really smoothly together... It's all out just a great poem with amazing imagery! I also like the structure of the poem... I don't really know what it signifies but it probably means something since it's like that.
There are a couple spelling errors that were probably already pointed out. Also, I kept rereading lines 3 and 4. I feel like it's kind of repetitive because in line 3, you're saying "It's <b>heart</b> buried in earths <b>watery</b> crust." Then in line 4, you mention a heart filled with water again. I would recommend maybe just cutting out the "heart of water" from line 4 to make it flow better.
Overall, this is a 8/10 poem... I really enjoyed reading it. I can't wait to read more of you work!
Thanks so much.
Thanks.
This is so pretty!
Thanks,
I am glade to here that.
Thanks.
you're welcome guys!
Hello @WildBloomer! FlamingPhoenix here with a review for you, on your amazing work on this gloomy day. I'll try to make this short.
Let's begin:
So out of the whole poem I only saw one thing that really bugged me a little.
Okay so the two words that are in bold is what I want to talk to you about. You see one of them starts with a capitol letter, and the other one doesn't, now this doesn't affect the poem in any way, it just looks a little messy, and when you have tried to make this poem look really perfect. So my advise to you is to ether have all the sentences start with capitol letters of this out, it would make the poem look better.
Well that all I could see that needed to be fixed.
I think your poem was very well written, it flowed really well, I didin't have any trouble with the punctuation at all, to be honest there was nothing wrong there. I just love the amount of emotion you put into this poem, just made it feel so real, and what made it even better was the words you chose to use, it just helped with the emotion within the poem.
I really like the way you have destined this poem, it's rather fitting in an odd way. And makes it more fun to read.
I'm really glad I got the chance to read one of your first poems that has been posted on YWS, and I got the chance to review it. Amazing job, I hope you will keep writing and post more perfect work. Never stop writing and have a great day/night.
Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing this a fiery passion.
Remember this was also EagleFlys poem,
anyways thanks for the review it was really help full to me.
I'm glad I could help.
Thanks sis.
I love it!
You guys did really great, and i love the staircase effect, lemme tell ya. Lol, there is a few grammar and punctuation errors but either than that its good! I hope you do more of these! Oh and I'd love to do a group one too! It sounds super doper fun!
Anyway....
Keep up the good work!
Sincerely Anma
Thanks Anma for the kind words.
Thanks again Anma.
No problem! I really like it!
Hi there! This is a very beautiful poem! I love it. There is one sentence that could use a little editing, and that is this one:
" Its heart berried so deep into the earths watery crust,"
So I'm not sure if that was on purpose, because I can kind of see that. Otherwise, just a small spelling error.
That was all, and just curious about that one line!
EagleFly and I both have problems with spelling so I think it was a spelling mistake, thanks for pointing that out.
Lol yeah thanks.