A Walk In The Woods-
I walk. all I do is walk and clear out my mind. the woods is my shelter, warm, and cold.I watch as the golden red and orange leaves cover the path I walk on. my eyes get teary from the cold bitter wind and I pull my scarf up closer, wishing it were summer again, and wishing the lakes weren't frozen over and that I could swim, in the gloriously clean lake that was once here, but is now polluted by garbage and wastes. People are so careless sometimes, but there is a creek, that I love to fish in, that nobody knows about.
I see the deer tracks of a young doe, and then human tracks, figures sense its hunting season. I sigh and I start walking again,the first snow of the year I can smell it. would come just as the weather man said, the first wintery soft blanket, of about three inches. I call out to Cali, my dog and she comes running
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hai PerfectWeapon here!
Okay...So right off in the beginning I see no capitalization! This is is irking to me, for either one of two reasons. Rather A: You don't understand capitalization, or B: You didn't bother two proof read it. I know it is not A, because with such an amazing detailed story like this, I know you should be able to understand it.
I also have a question, "People are so careless sometimes, but there is a creek, that I love to fish in, that nobody knows about." What does having a secret creek have to do with everyone being so careless?
Could you add a bit more detail? For example, how does this character know how to identify the tracks of a doe, and for future reference, it wouldn't be "sense," but "since."
Last, at the very end of the story, you forgot the period to end it.
These is a great little thing to read though. Keep up the good work, and can't wait for another story.
-Like birds who's wings are broken,
You live without direction!
-Perfect Weapon
Hai PerfectWeapon here!
Okay...So right off in the beginning I see no capitalization! This is is irking to me, for either one of two reasons. Rather A: You don't understand capitalization, or B: You didn't bother two proof read it. I know it is not A, because with such an amazing detailed story like this, I know you should be able to understand it.
I also have a question, "People are so careless sometimes, but there is a creek, that I love to fish in, that nobody knows about." What does having a secret creek have to do with everyone being so careless?
Could you add a bit more detail? For example, how does this character know how to identify the tracks of a doe, and for future reference, it wouldn't be "sense," but "since."
Last, at the very end of the story, you forgot the period to end it.
These is a great little thing to read though. Keep up the good work, and can't wait for another story.
-Like birds who's wings are broken,
You live without direction!
-Perfect Weapon
Hi..
This is a nice short story. This also gives us a glimpse of the negligent behavior of the society and the tendency of the people to throw the trash around.
One thing I would point out is-
"People are so careless sometimes, but there is a creek, that I love to fish in, that nobody knows about" I don't get it.. These is a creek so how people are careless? And if people don't know about it, then they are not careless.. You can replace careless with some other word or like, people are so busy in their lives that they don't know about it or something...
That's all! Enjoyed your poem though... It shows the different weather and is capable of bringing people close to the nature!
Keep writing..
It was very descriptive, and I liked the words used, but it got a little choppy at sometimes. Maybe try connecting the sentences with and or but in some points to make it flow a bit better. Also, before publishing, you might want to go over it and edit. There were just some small errors with capitalization. Other than that, it was all good.
Thank you for reviewing.
Hi there and welcome to YWS!
I'm going to dive right in on this. I like the idea of this story, so far it has a good amount of detail. Although, you could describe a bit more. I know this is probably unfinished, and if it is finished I recommend you write some more. Also, don't publish things before finishing. There should be a button that saves your work but doesn't publish it, or you could use a different program for typing your story.
Pretty much all of your mistakes are grammar. You don't have any capitals at the beginning of the sentences.
I would reword this. Maybe try: " People are so careless sometimes, but there is this creek nobody knows about that I like to fish in."
I would maybe explain how the character knows how to identify tracks? Also, it's "since" not "sense"
I'm sorry, but this makes no sense to me at all.
Right now there's not much of a plot, there's nothing about the characters, anything. I would certainly develop this more.
I really think if you work on this story, it could be something really good.
Keep writing!
~Fire
Thank you for your support and yes I know I mess up a lot and get it mixed up.
Heya, Gravity here for a review!
It should be the woods 'are' because woods is plural. You also aren't clear about "warm" and "cold". Is it "my warmth" and "my cold" or are you saying the woods is your shelter whether it's warm or cold? You should clarify this. Oh and the 't' needs to be capitalized at the beginning of the sentences.
So in your description you mentioned it had been a while since you've last written something. You've got lots of little spelling and grammar mistakes which I am going to enspoiler, so if you want to read it, great, if not, that's fine too.
Spoiler
The m needs to be capitalized and this is one of the longest run on sentences I've ever seen. And it's also very... jumpy. At first you talk about wishing it were summer and then wanting to swim and then about how the lake is polluted. Plus your commas aren't placed correctly.
There should not be any commas between creek and that, or between in and that. Basically, after your first comma, you don't need anymore.
This sentence doesn't even make sense.
This is very awkward and disjointed. Try changing it to "I sigh and start walking again, smelling the first snow of the year.
Again, this doesn't make sense either. And you should indent once the MC calls out to the dog and not end the piece in the middle of a paragraph...
This is unfinished. I really think it would benefit you to finish the short story before having it reviewed because even though there are lots of mistakes to pick out... there's not much here to actually review. There is no plot structure, no character development, etc. It's just very unfinished. So yeah...
XOXO,
Gravity
I said that I whould publish more tomorrow.