Published December 31, 2005
I have no idea what this is,as in genre. it is about a impressionable outsider, makes you think about what you've got.
The shadow limped through suburbia, past sparkling dinner parties and glowing homes, perfect families and neighbours. It grasped the air as it walked, feeling the sheets of snow, glittering in the streetlamps, trying to feel something, anything. But its body was numb. Every step tainted the snow with dirty boot prints, the pure snow turned to sludge. The figure pulled its loose clothing roughly around itself and dropped like a stone onto grey ground.
Hours passed and nothing would awaken the stranger, stiletto-clad toes, dizzy from plenty of champagne cuffed it roughly round the head, salty blood tricked through into its eyes, but they remained glued shut. Unheard were the couple who argued in the cold, unheard was the biting slap as husband hit wife. Unheard were the sobs of the girl, hiding the razor marks underneath her lovely clothes. Lover’s liased, weapons were pulled and the beautifully dressed girl drew her last breath, the shadow still caressing the soaking earth. The bars of the town had closed and raucous laughter and footsteps, touching pure, crisp snow fell down the lane. The figure heaved itself up from its soaking, grey bed and stood, at the beginning of Clematis Lane. Taking its last look at this suburban dreamland, she sighed and began to walk back into the city.
And she longed for a home.
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141,423 Literary Works • 674,398 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well this is quite the description to be starting things off here. There's certainly quite the opening that does in fact get your attention as a reader quite nicely here. I think you've done a wonderful job in terms of that, and of course telling us about what sort of person this is and how they interact with the world as well through this little description. It also sets a rather intriguing tone to things here because even though we're clearly going somewhat from the POV of this being we have no idea what it is quite yet.
Well that is quite the ending. The way it ends makes you wonder if this is a human after all despite the fact that some of those descriptions don't quite seem fully human. Either way it certainly does a really good of at least presenting what seems like a chilling account of this mixed with this tinge of loneliness that creates a surprising amount of emotion for the ending here, that was certainly quite unexpected given how this started. Overall, I can say this has been a very intriguing piece here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Yeah it could be a poem, it would probably be sadder as a poem.
Thank you all, it was inspired by Edward Scissorhands.
Wow suburbia in New Zealand must be different. I love living in the suburbs, we have BBQ with neighbors and street party's and great stuff! but anyway I'm off track, i also think it would be better as a poem rather than a short story sort of thing but other than that i liked it.
I liked it. I live in Subaria and I hate it her. Nobody seems to care about the world picture and just do not seem to care about bettering their minds. But I do think this imagery would fit much better in a poem.
'But its body was numb. '
I somehow thought it was a shadow, and therefore incapable of having a body. But it could be just me.
The whole piece was sort of abstract and random, and I think it would be a lot better as a poem. You've got some really good imagery in here, it just doesn't seem to fit. Good luck with it!
"The grass is always greener on the other side" is what I was trying to say lol