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I'm back, Two poems I wrote while ill.

by Whatsarahsaid

Published November 16, 2005

I've not wrote for a few months, I had block. Situation: I was bored out of my mind yesterday with the Gastric flu so I decided to write some poetry. Nothing personal, just some brainstorming resulted in what you see below. Not my best work, but I'd be happy with suggestions. Punctuation is crap I know.


NO TITLE.

White chrome, drowning in red
My blood, only mine.
I fell
I hit my head
All my fault
I pray he won't do this again
I hope my scars heal
A copper key scratches in the lock
What a homecoming..?




DOLL

My child
Opaque skin, faultless, a doll.
All mothers say this.
Your sleeping so soundly
Since that October afternoon, I've had insomnia, I've wandered streets, back to that place.
I scour for memories, details I've forgotten
But I've forgotten nothing.
Caressing your hair, dark as pitch.
Lifting a lock I expose the mark.
When my life ended.
The only mark on you
They said you were thrown clear
Kissing you softly I say good night
I leave you in your coffin
Sleeping forever more.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Whatsarahsaid
Comment
Whatsarahsaid commented Comment · Nov 18, 2005

Thanks Matt.

User avatar
Matt Bellamy
Review
Matt Bellamy wrote a review Review · Nov 16, 2005

I liked them both. I wasn't sure about the ...? at the end of the first poem, though, it confused me a little. Also, the long line in the second poem looks out of place, those things niggle at me, but when I read it, it sounds right, like it should be one long line. Anyway, nice work.



What will live longer, you or your words? Something to think about the next time you abandon a project...
— Omni