Kay, here I go! First story post 
This is a very light, soon-to-be-silly stereotypical fantasy type thing. Sometimes I like to write stuff that's amusing rather than serious, and to be honest it's never my best work.
That's why I need a critique.
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Chapter One
“Kalen, your Grace, it’s no use. She doesn’t remember you,” said Jerome, shaking his head. “Or anyone else, for that matter.” He eyed the pitiful pair, wondering how it had ever come to this. Kalen looked ready to cry, which made him seem more ridiculous with his flamboyantly decorated purple and gold robes and mousy, girlish features. Jerome had never been very partial to Kalen’s choice of clothing, but as the prince’s guard he had no say in the matter. In any case, it did match Kalen’s usually pompous attitude.
Today, however, things were a little different.
On the bed sat Naia, Kalen’s newly betrothed. She had her graceful hands
folded neatly in her lap like a proper lady, but she was swinging her feet back and forth, scuffling them on the carpet, and looking around with an oddly blank expression on her face. Last thing anyone knew, she had gone for a walk in the garden with her sister, Armanie. Not a very good idea, walking in that garden without protection; after all, straight to the north of it lay the mysterious Gray Forest. Everyone knew the place was filled with sentient plants and many mischievous forms of Fey, among other things better not mentioned. It would seem Naia had run into some of those, and Armanie was no where to be found.
“But she has to remember me, Jerome,” whined Kalen. “How can we get married if she doesn’t know who I am?”
“We’re getting married?” asked Naia incredulously. Suddenly there seemed a little more attention in her large hazel eyes, but the smile on her face was no less empty than before. “How wonderful! I shall have to tell…oh, who was it I was speaking with earlier?” She lapsed back into silence again, brow furrowed as she tried to remember something which she could not. Looking at the mud and rips in her velvet gown and the tangle her long black hair had become, Jerome wondered just what had happened out in the garden. She must have been chased by something, but what?
He cleared his throat and smiled dryly. “Well, that problem’s solved, your Highness.”
“But her memory,” said Kalen. “What happened to it?”
“It’s been stolen.”
“Stolen? What kind of creature steals memories?”
“Faeries, pixies, the like,” Jerome said with a shrug. “Dragons, usually.”
Kalen stared at him blankly, so that his face nearly matched Naia’s. “Dragons,” he repeated. His face paled considerably, much to Jerome’s delight. “How…how do we get them back?”
“Oh, I imagine you’ll have to ride off valiantly into the wilderness, following whatever creature did this to your beloved, find her memories, and slay the thing, presumably without getting yourself killed,” said Jerome. “That’s what knights and princes have always done in these kinds of situations.” He clapped Kalen on the back heartily, metal gauntlets clinking against the gold and silver ornaments sewn to the prince’s clothes.
Kalen tried desperately to draw himself up and look confident, throwing out his chest and grabbing his sword from its place on the wall. He drew the shining, new blade clumsily from the ornate scabbard and swung it around a few times, as if vanquishing imaginary foes. On the last thrust, he overbalanced and stumbled into a bookshelf, sending the large, leather-bound volumes scattering across the floor. Naia, watching the entire time with barely disguised amusement, burst into a loud fit of giggles and fell backwards onto the bed.
Kalen picked himself up gingerly, feeling dejected. “Who am I trying to fool,” he said, a bitter tone in his voice. “I’m no good at this kind of thing. I’m supposed to rule a kingdom, not go off on wild adventures.” He turned to Jerome with pleading eyes and repeatedly ran his hands through his wispy brown hair. “Please, Sir Jerome, say you’ll help me! I’ve known you all my life, and there is no man I trust more.”
Pacing about the room, he began babbling to himself about what they would need to take on such a journey, and where they should go. Jerome listened and agreed or disagreed to each thing, as he was expected to, but he thought Kalen had forgotten something.
“Sire,” he said, “if I may, I think we should need to bring Princess Naia along with us.”
Kalen stopped pacing. “That would put her in terrible danger! Why do you suggest such a thing?” he sputtered. The wild look in Kalen’s eyes was starting to worry him.
“Well, because I don’t think there is any way to carry someone’s memories back to them. She’ll have to be there to receive what’s been taken from her.”
Naia jumped up from the bed and clapped her hands together. “I’ve always wanted to go adventuring! I know there’s some reason I’m not supposed to, but who cares about rules, anyway?” Kalen watched her in obvious misery.
“It’s because you’re a princess, sweetheart. However, it seems we shall need to bring you along.” He dropped down to one knee and took her hand in his. “I swear, no creature will harm you while I still live. On my oath, I put my life before yours.”
Naia raised an eyebrow at him and pulled away, looking a bit uncomfortable. “That’s all very romantic, kind sir, but I think I can take care of myself,” she said, picking up his sword and weighing it in her hands. “Why, it’s much lighter than I thought! Is it hard to learn?” Jerome realized that she was addressing him and grinned.
“Not particularly, your Highness. I’ll be happy to teach you on our journey.”
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I'm going away until saturday, so i'll post the second chapter then.
looking forward to replies
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