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Young Writers Society


12+ Violence

The Right to Happiness

by Werthan


Durch Feld und Wald zu schweifen,

Mein Liedchen wegzupfeifen,

So geht’s von Ort zu Ort,

So geht’s von Ort zu Ort…

“What are you singing? Is that German?” a policeman barked at me. I only then realized that I had been singing, and not only singing but skipping as well.

“Well, yes, I’m happy, that makes me want to sing and skip along. Yes, that is German, it happens to be the happiest song I know.”

“Well, you don’t have the right to sing that. You must sing ‘the Happy Song’ instead.”

“But ‘the Happy Song’ doesn’t actually sound happy. How about I meet you halfway and sing ‘Zip-i-dee-do-dah’?”

“That is my point, and that is much less than halfway.”

“Well, I have a right to happiness, so I think I’ll go on skipping along singing ‘Der Musensohn’.”

Und nach dem Takte reget

Und nach dem Maß beweget

Sich alles an mir fort…

“You don’t have a right to happiness, you have a right to pursue happiness. Now, tell, why are you happy?”

“The Sun is shining, the world is beautiful, the birds twitter in the trees, nothing bad has happened – but really I’m happy because I’ve been touched by a muse.”

“You’ve been touched by a muse? That means nothing. Anyways, you’re not happy for any approved reason, such as work, school, or finances, so I am afraid you are going to have to see a shrink to see if your brain is defective. I mean, of course it is, but I’m not allowed to actually make that pronouncement. Now come with me.”

“Why should I?”

The policeman had already grabbed handcuffs off his belt but at that moment I found myself on the branch of a nearby tree, and my limbs fluttered at my side, and my feet were clasped around the branch below me; I opened my little beak and continued to pipe away:

Ich kann sie kaum erwarten,

Die erste Blum’ im Garten…

Bang! I lay on the ground, again a human, albeit surrounded by feathers. I had been shot, straight through the head, and the policeman went from a look of triumph to horror as he saw that I was again human. The policeman, who had expected to get away with the mere killing of a songbird, holstered his weapon quickly and fled, and I, after a jolt of pain, watched him run from far above my body, and then I saw that muse beckoning to me from far above even where I floated, and bolted up toward her.

Hey, aren’t you supposed to at least let me finish my song?

You think I planned all that? Anyways, you can still finish it now.

I have no reason to finish it now.

No reason’s as good as any, go on.

…Die erste Blüt’ am Baum...

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383 Reviews

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Sun Jun 26, 2016 8:03 pm
Sujana wrote a review...



You know, I've read a couple of things from you already, and I can tell that you like surreal stuff with deep meaning. In other words, do you want to go get a cup of coffee sometime?

But anyway, I didn't find any notable grammatical or spelling mistakes on this one, but that's probably mostly because I was distracted by just how surreal and enticing the entire story was. I generally do agree with what the story is trying to say--humanity expects way too much of humans, and it seems like you aren't allowed to be happy until you've done *insert impossible thing here*. I'd argue that that is mostly something that's enforced by the individual's own view of what they should do to be happy, but that is also put there because society told the individual that they should be happy for *insert impossible thing here*. Anyway, very nicely done.

If I had to complain about anything, I think the only thing I should be complaining about is the weird muse thing. It's not much of a complaint, tons of other surreal works have elements that don't seem to make sense thrown in for symbolism (we're not going to talk about the bird because I personally liked the bird imagery), but I'm still not clear as to why the Muse is involved in the first place. Is it because inspiration is the only path to true happiness? Well, I suppose that makes sense, but I would've liked that concept to be played up a bit more. Maybe give the Muse a symbolism of its own, instead of leaving it an invisible creature with not much to do.

Another thing I really liked was your use of German songs. It's probably because you yourself are a German (guessing from your name and nothing else), but where I'm from there's an unfair assumption that the German language is crass and very harsh to the tongue. So to hear a German nursery rhyme used to be the epitome of happiness is quite refreshing. However, I will admit it doesn't help that the main character dies in the end, but that's not the point. The songs are happy, and therefore I'm very happy.

Signing out,

--EM.




Werthan says...


Thanks. The song is actually not a nursery rhyme, it's a poem by Goethe. The English translation of its title is "the Son of the Muses", which is where the muse comes from. This is the song: http://youtu.be/3jeHbqxoEOQ

If it were easy to go out and get coffe with people on the Internet, I would have done it a lot by now, and I would do it with you, haha. What I was saying with the story though is that in society, people are only expected to be happy for limited numbers of reasons (like money, or professional accomplishments) rather than because they are inspired by something beautiful, or have had something happen to them spiritually, and this is related to the muse inspiring them to randomly sing a song. I guess the fact that it's in German and people don't understand it could be related to no one understanding their happiness, but it's probably mostly just annoying to people who aren't familiar with the song/poem.



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Sun Jun 26, 2016 4:42 pm
Duncan wrote a review...



Hi! This is a cheerful short story, as I listen to the German art song and read your work. :)

Plot

Spoiler! :

I actually love the plot twist in your story because I have not imagined the narrator could become a song bird. Keeping the setting unknown in the beginning really helps to emphasize this twist. I also like how you conveyed the twisted idea that their should be a reason to be happy. To feel happy does not need a specific reason, right? That's the moral in this story, and through the dialogues readers can see this very clearly.

That means nothing. Anyways, you’re not happy for any approved reason, such as work, school, or finances, so I am afraid you are going to have to see a shrink to see if your brain is defective. I mean, of course it is, but I’m not allowed to actually make that pronouncement.


I love this.

Honestly I just wish to have more interactions between the narrator and the police officer in the sense of actions, not just through dialogues. Though mainly dialogue-driven, more actions would bring the whole story more depth and interest.


Setting and characters
Spoiler! :

While this story is quite effective in conveying a message, it lacks details. I mean, the readers could not quite well envision where and when this event happens. Is it during the morning, or during night time? In a park or in a market? All these can affect the flow of the story, so you could try adding more details and description into your short story.

Who is the narrator? What is his/her age? How does this affect his/her views towards happiness? How did he/she meet the muse? All these can add more interest to the story. While your story really have a good message behind, the narrator cannot touch the readers. By this I mean readers cannot feel with the protagonist.

When the police officer shoot the narrator, the readers should feel as shocked as the narrator, but right now we cannot feel this yet as constructions of characters were not completely three-dimensional. Your dialogues have great style, but it could just have been anyone on the streets singing and skipping, as opposed to this particular character, who has his/her own unique traits. Portraying characters with dialogues is a strength of your writing, but seriously you can consider adding background information of the characters as you write.


Language
Spoiler! :

Being a non-German speaker I must admit I do not want to go find Google to translate the lyrics for me. The German lyrics, I believe, must have something to do with the plot, and perhaps translating some parts and integrate them with the story will create a stronger effect?

As for the rest of the story, I cannot spot grammatical mistakes. Good job!


So this is the review. Keep writing! :)

-Duncan




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Sat Jun 11, 2016 4:12 pm
Ashley123 says...



This was defiantly an interesting short story. But I did actually happen to like it. It was something different, something that I've really never heard anyone write on this site before. Good job.




Werthan says...


Thanks!




In any free society, the conflict between social conformity and individual liberty is permanent, unresolvable, and necessary.
— Kathleen Norris