Published September 7, 2010
So sad to see that today true art, music, literature, and culture is not appreciated as it once had been. Though it only a matter of a opinion I feel that at least one of you will agree that Stephenie Meyer is not God and Justin Bieber is not the new king of pop. We live in a world were trends and styles rule the modern youth with a iron fist. Individuality is looked down upon and if you not wearing your peers clothing style you are considered an outcast no matter how many similar interest you share. The modern beauty is made in factories, the best music is computerized, and everyone whats to take a bite out of vampires. Social networking sites had once helped to bring far away friends (in a sense) closer together with the miracle of modern technology. Now it is used to post pointless events and ideals of your life and publicize it all over the world (or at least your friends list) that at the end of the day no one really cares, as well as hurting one another for God knows way. Nothing truly creative or truly initiative is idolized in this world any more its all about following the leaders and the ones leading the pack doesn't care! If you don't believe then print out your best piece you have posted on here and hand it out your co-works, classmates, etc. I pray that they appreciate it. If you are unable to print it out then copy and paste it to (if you have one) your myspace profile or facebook status in sections. Now I'm in no way trying to insult your writing skills, but simply trying to press the issue that its hard to find people who are unorthodox. Corporations have all the power of the world, but it is modern multi-media that has absolute control over most of the youth. It is ever changing 'the new fads are yesterdays news' and without even looking back most accept this postulate. When you have to put on a fake smile when you wake in the morning and wear the clothes you use to not like to wear, jam to music you use to not like to listen to, and have a mindset that being content will be my best standard of living, who are you?
Who am I?
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Hi Way2Dawn! Snoink just about covered it. I'll just go through and edit a few things.
Look how long that last sentence is. Loooooooooong.
The sentence is made up of several independent clauses. You can divide them using either commas with conjunctions, semicolons, or periods.
You may note I highlighted the repetition of the word "when" in green.
Overall, you have a very nice point, but, as Snoink said, it needs a bit of work. Keep writing!
- Abigail
Hey! Just a couple of things first:
the ones leading the pack doesn't care! <-- "doesn't" should be "don't"
Also, you have a bunch of run on sentences! There are a lot, so I'm not going to point them all out, but give a good look for them.
As far as your piece goes, what it lacks is evidence! I mean, there are some points that I look at and think, "Yeah, I can sympathize with that, to an extent" (like media having control of the youth) but at the some things that I look at and say, "Well, where is he getting that from?" In my age, Justin Bieber isn't that big. Twilight is just another book. And on and on I go. Also, you don't really specify why Justin Bieber and Twilight are the cause for the civilization collapsing, etc. True art? What is art? People have been trying to define that for centuries, with little success. So, if you want us to believe you, you have to offer your own definition.
Also, most of the people who I've shown my work to really like it and appreciate it. I don't show it to everyone because not everybody cares, really, but still. To say that the appreciation for things which are nice is going down is not supported.
So you basically really need to support your argument... maybe this is the case for your age, peers, and locality, but I can assure you that this isn't the case all the time.