Young Writers Society

It looks like I am not the only one who has to fix my punctuation also, as I was reading the comments Reading out loud does help, as my english teacher says, thats kind of why every time I write I poem, I would had to write over and over again, so I could read my revisions, and its kind of tiring too. D: So that's kind of why I don't write poems that much also so I do it mostly in my free time.

Hi Way2Dawn,

Listen to brainychic212. Usually, I hardly comment on punctuation within poems because it is the least important quality of a work, but here things are different. As she has said, if you keep throwing roadblocks in front of the reader's way, it's impossible to understand what the poem is trying to say. In the end, the reader simply gets frustrated at the obstructing punctuation and then leaves.

This is tripping over its own feet so badly that things are getting bloody. For starters, I'm not sure why you ended every single line with a severing punctuation mark; unless your goal was to cause the reader to almost stop reading halfway through, you've failed at whatever you were trying to do. It was only made worse by the forced rhyme.

Way2Dawn wrote:Is it trivial to wait for love?
To pray to the heavens above?
Is it ridiculous to wait for the one?
The one that might not ever come?
Is it look down upon?
Is it frowned on?
Does it really matter?
If you might never have her?

As it kills you to grow sadder.
While your left without her.
Yet you still have hope in every day.
Like every waking morning in the month of May.
The sweet spring air.
Makes life all the more fair.
Yet there is alway one thing missing.
But you know that God is still listening.
So you wait for night to come.
So that Dawn my leave you numb.
Numb with anticipation.
That fate might make the declaration.
And their would be a celebration.
For she will be yours.

And you would be on all fours.
Thanking the lord.
As you hit floor
Transfixed by her beauty
For she is truly.

Now the pain is no more.
For she is now yours.
So is it trivial to wait for love?
After all you've read above?

Very good point.
And i believe that it is worth the wait (as you put in your poem).
It is very well put, and honest. I like it.
Keep up the good work.



-BG-

Hi! I'm going to review your poem!

Let me start by saying that this poem just about sums up something that I'm going through right now(except I'm a girl and the subject of the poem would be a guy, for me). That's so interesting that I just happen to choose this poem to read.

Now on to more important things...

Rhythm

I thought your rhythm was a little off in some places. It wasn't too noticeable to me, but it's something you should watch out for. Just try reading the poem out loud, if you don't already do that, and see if that helps.

Punctuation

You don't need to put a period at the end of every line. I know punctuation is very important in poetry but not every line is a sentence.

Tiny Nit Picks

That fate might make the declaration.
And their would be a celebration.

As it kills you to grow sadder.
While your left without her.

Hello!!
I'm Layla, I really like this. It's very unique actually.
Okayy, on to the review. Uuum, despite the very powerful message in this poem, it's just a little bit choppy in some parts. You have some short stanzas and then you have longer ones. It's not a big deal to where you have to change it or anything but just watch put for that in your next piece or something, okay??
I hope I helped!! If you would like me to review your other pieces or something, or you need some advice, PM me. I'm here to help!!
<3;
Layla