He look up at me and as I met him eye to eye I saw that they were milk white. The man was blind, yet I felt as though he saw all my conviction and all my sin. He smiled like it didn't matter. I laughed not because I thought it was ridiculous to see one's past mistakes and dismiss them. No, I felt over-whelmed with joy due to the reassurance that he choose not to judge. He opened his mouth to speak, yet there were no teeth. His mouth began to move and words began to form. Every sentence penetrated my ears. He spoke Latin the only language he ever knew, and I completely understood. He said: "Hundreds of millions have read this book here in my lab, yet most never finish. Should you choose to open it I promise that it will bring you salvation and peace of mind as you face you're impending trials and tribulations. However it is not the ambiguous text that shall save you. No, it is more much more then either of us will ever be able to understand." Thousands of questions ran through my mind, but they were all dismissed. I wanted to tell him that I was beyond salvation, that I could not be saved, yet when I was in the presence of this man I felt that I had a chance.
As soon as he was done talking he stood up straight with his hands still on either side of the book. He walked towards me without the assistance of his cane. His movements we elegant and gentle as if he never needed it all, yet it still took him longer then usual to reach me. I walked as close as I could get, yet the bars of my steel imprisonment restricted me from hugging the old man. He turned the book vertical so that it might fit through the bars. I retrieved it with a bit of amazement of how heavy it was. He shook is head in a positive notion and smiled once more. Without any words spoken he returned to his chair picked up his cane and the guard escorted him out. "Thank you dad", I whispered to myself as a single tear ran down off my cheek and fell on the book. I walked over to my cot, lied down, and I thought of my dad. Before today I had not seen the old man in 50 years, and after noticing his condition I might not ever see him again. Without looking at the title I opened to book and began to read.[/center]
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
This was one cool story! I really enjoyed reading it. What i didn't understand however was the man that visited him. Did he visit him in prison? If yes, make it more clear I would say. And also, was the man who visited him God, or his actual earthly dad? because i think it would be so cool if it was God. I simply got shivers when you wrote
This is... interesting. Is it a stand alone or a one-shot?
The inclusion of the cane confused me, if the subject is the book and how he is clutching it, then I would suggest you omit the cane, or seperate it somehow.
I get the feeling the figure is god, and if that's accurate why would Latin be his only language? I'm kind of confused. latin was the language the first bibles were in, and the reason they kept them that way was so people had to come to church for their faith, and couldn't read the bible themselves.
The 'than usual' makes it sound like he's done this before. Maybe reword it, 'yet it still took him longer than it should to reach me.' or something similar.
I get a sense of redemption and, like I said, the figure from my perspective represents God. It's an interesting approach to the subject, and quite well written, so well done.
If you have any questions, don't hesitate to PM me.
-Nutty
Yikes, I just got chills.
Very good. I mean at first I was like, 'Huh?" Mostly because I didn't understand the setting and I thought they were in the park and the whole 'shivering' thing was weird but as the story progressed, it deepened and I couldn't stop reading.
Anyways, I hate to be too nitpicky, especially because this is a great piece, but you did miss a couple comma and things along the road. But it was good, I'm afraid I said that too many times but it was still good.
I would have liked more explanation with the characters and all but I think too much background knowledge would have taken something away from this piece, so I would keep this as it is.
*likes*
~Pink
It was interesting. There was a rhythm to your sentences that I thought seemed kind of odd in a prose. Maybe try poetry if that's how you write normally. A little more history and details on the characters in general would be appreciated.