A Path For the President Elect

This is an awesome bit of writing, the word choice, the flow...everything mended well together to form an exquisite piece of poetry. I really enjoyed the outline all the way up to the one man, and that stanza alone sealed this piece for me. Very, very well done here you have quite a bit of talent!

Wow. It made me too, feel like it was written by a senior citizen. Can we send this to the White House? XD

Our dreams are now resounding,

As our own strength is vindicated.

Though the devil’s hammer’s pounding

Carves a road for the weak and floundering,

We have henceforth indicated

That our willingness to reach for change

With no contingency to bare

Builds a road through rough terrain

And pulls hope from black despair.

WarriorOfTheBrimstone wrote:

(Hey there Warrior! I love this poem! It is perfectly versed and written-- good job. Since there is basically nothing to nit-pick, I'll point out what I love.)

From my narrow pane of vision,
Through a shade of tinted rose
I looked upon our fated path
As a righteous dream imposed.
We have strayed from the asphalt,
To a sea of rising fear.
But through the sea is a road to Eden.
Hope past the grim veneer.

Second line; I would change the way it's worded to "Through a tinted shade of rose"
I would change the period after Eden to a semicolon.

The way this is written somehow made me imagine the narrator as an elderly citizen... and I don't know why.

Like vagabonds of the blinding night,
We have wandered, growing weary .
Walking towards no specific binding right.
And of any luminescent path, all men are rightly leery.
But from this chaotic way has come a man,
Whose skin is darker than the mold.
He sings a healing siren song
That calls us from the cold.

I would change the period in the second like to a semicolon.
I would change "Walking" to "Walked"

He is more than oratory power,
More than a pragmatic mind.
He is our collective bated breath,
Our most audacious road sign.
He is a mosaic of the races.
Like the melding of two avenues.
But who transcends colored faces,
To break the ancient platitudes.

Beautifully written! I liked this stanza alot.

Our dreams are now resounding,
As our own strength is vindicated.
Though the devil’s hammer’s pounding
Carves a road for the weak and floundering,
We have henceforth indicated
That our willingness to reach for change
With no contingency to bare
Builds a road through rough terrain
And pulls hope from black despair.

Good, good. It slightly lost the flow of the above stanzas, but nevertheless, seeing that I can't find anyway to change it, I find it beautiful.

WarriorOfTheBrimstone wrote:From my narrow pane of vision,
Through a shade of tinted rose
I looked upon our fated path
As a righteous dream imposed.
We have strayed from the asphalt,
To a sea of rising fear.
But through the sea is a road to Eden.
Hope past the grim veneer.

Like vagabonds of the blinding night,
We have wandered, growing weary .
Walking towards no specific binding right.
And of any luminescent path, all men are rightly leery.
But from this chaotic way has come a man,
Whose skin is darker than the mold.
He sings a healing siren song
That calls us from the cold.

He is more than oratory power,
More than a pragmatic mind.
He is our collective bated breath,
Our most audacious road sign.
He is a mosaic of the races.
Like the melding of two avenues.
But who transcends colored faces,
To break the ancient platitudes.

Our dreams are now resounding,
As our own strength is vindicated.
Though the devil’s hammer’s pounding
Carves a road for the weak and floundering,
We have henceforth indicated
That our willingness to reach for change
With no contingency to bare
Builds a road through rough terrain
And pulls hope from black despair.