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12+

You

by WannabeWriter112


You look in the mirror and no matter how hard you try you can't help but wonder,

How

did

this

happen?

How did you let yourself become this 

R

E

V

L

T

I

N

G

?

Every roll of 

F

A

T,

every ugly 

S

C

A

R,

every single 

imperfection 

is magnified.

So you cry

And you restrict

And you slice your skin

In the hopes to one day become

Beautiful

Perfect

Special 

Worth 

S

O

M

E

T

H

I

N

G.

To one day be

L

O

V

E

D.


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User avatar
126 Reviews


Points: 344
Reviews: 126

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Thu Dec 29, 2016 10:20 pm
Aleta wrote a review...



Hey, Aleta here for a short review.

I like what you are conveying here. It actually gives emotion into the reader and makes them believe they are saying that themselves. The emphasize on the words are great, however
you're giving off a very important message, but I don't think you're executing it too well. I'm kind of going to judge this like poetry, although it's marked in other, but there isn't much going on for this work compared to others about the same message. It's kind of cliche, and most don't present anything new to the table. You're feeding the reader information about cutting and one's looks that has been given to them before already, making it less strong and not as touching to the people that relate to this. Try to tell them something that hasn't been said before, and make your writing distinguishable from other writers trying to convey the same message.






Ok thank you%uD83D%uDC4C



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117 Reviews


Points: 11345
Reviews: 117

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Sun Nov 20, 2016 7:13 pm
Astronomer wrote a review...



Hello there, WannabeWriter112!
This is Moonwatcher here with a review! ^-^

I noticed this labeled as "Other", but as it is a piece that conveys emotion and in poetic format, I think this could potentially be labeled as poetry.

I think the way that the split up words are formatted is a little off, and I'm not sure if it was done intentionally or the YWS publishing center messed up the format. It's a very fun format to use, but maybe making it slanted would work a little better (although you'd need screenshots for that)? That's just my personal opinion, though.

You're giving off a very important message, but I don't think you're executing it /too/ well. I'm kind of going to judge this like poetry, although it's marked in other, but there isn't much going on for this work compared to others about the same message. It's kind of cliche, and most don't present anything new to the table. You're feeding the reader information about cutting and one's looks that has been given to them before already, making it less strong and not as touching to the people that relate to this. Try to tell them something that hasn't been said before, and make your writing distinguishable from other writers trying to convey the same message.

That's all I have to say about this work. I hope my review helps you out, and have a great day! ^-^






Thanks for the review! I'll think about formatting for the next thing I write for sure. As for the making it more original, this was based off of every single day of my life so it is very real for me. However I can see how it could be rather cliche. Thank you again for the review!



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63 Reviews


Points: 98
Reviews: 63

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Sun Nov 06, 2016 9:40 pm
amelie wrote a review...



Hey Wannabe, Waffle here for a very story review. This poem touches on some very serious topics, so please excuse my ignorance.
I don't have much to say about this other than some spelling errors I wanted to let you know about, which are:
The word you attempted to spell out (something.) is missing the S. And above it the lines read, "Every ugly C-A-R" which I believe might have been a spelling error as well.
Again, this covers some serious topics, so I'm not going to interfere with the message. Good job! Keep up the good work.
-Waffle






Haha thanks. Those spelling errors kind of take away from the story, I'll go fix them. Thank you.




I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.
— Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest