The Seven

by WaningMoon

Published June 10, 2015

12+ Violence

In The Seven

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The Seven

I am a very sagacious man. No words will befuddle, confuse, or be unknown by me: except those seven words. Those seven words are the only ones I wish I could change. I truly despise them and will only mention them once: wrath, greed, envy, lust, pride, gluttony, and sloth. Let us call them something else: anger, need, interest, love, talent, hunger, and tiredness. That is the end of that story.

Now, I have people that I despise as well, do not fret. Emily is very musically inclined. I wish for her gracefulness on the harp, the swiftness on the drums, and the crisp tone on the clarinet. She is the number one on my list. Number two is Gary. He is rich, carries at least 700 dollars on hand at all times, and is widely known for just that. Number three is William. When I was a small boy, he teased me for my knowledge and love of books. He would snatch my beloved novels, and tear them up, before throwing them away. No one ever told the teacher on him. Only the kids knew the secrets. I will never forgive him for what he has done. I have invited all of them out to dinner at my estate on July, 7th, and plot retribution.

The only person that I have invited over that I do not despise, more of the opposite really, is my love Gabriella. I have loved her forever, and even just her hand glancing my shoulder can make me smile for days. At the event, she has decided to bring a guest: her beloved Paul, who she cannot live without. I will just add him as number five on my list.

About ten minutes before the gracious event will begin, the doorbell to my colossal estate rings: three pleasant chimes throughout the house. I stroll speedily down the long, curved staircase, stopping at the door at the end of it. I turn the cold brass doorknob, to reveal a girl with long black hair and green eyes.

She is wearing a flowing, dark green dress that grazes over her sandal-covered feet. A barrette with a few music notes on it clips back her hair, otherwise leaving it down.

“Hello…” she begins, pausing as she attempts to recollect my name.

“Septimus,” I offer, holding out my hand. “You may call me Sept.”

Emily takes my hand, as I guide her inside, closing the door behind her, before locking it. I guide her to the left of my stairwell, into a great dining room. A large, dark wooden table stands in the middle of it, with seven chairs pushed under it.

“Please,” I say, guiding her to a chair, “choose a seat. We will begin feasting once everyone arrives.”

The three chimes ring as Emily sits down.

“I will be back,” I say, walking out of the room.

I open the door to reveal the face of Gary. His light brown hair is gelled and combed back, with his gray eyes sparkling. He is wearing a black tuxedo, with a bold yellow tie. He tucks in what seems like a twenty-dollar bill into his pocket, before acknowledging me.

“Septimus, what a pleasure to see you,” he greets, shaking my hand, before quickly pulling it back.

“The pleasure is mine, Gary. May I take you to my dining room?” I inquire.

“Of course.”

I lead Gary to the dining room as well, to the left of the staircase. Halfway through the hallway the three chimes ring again. I wince, before facing Gary.

“I apologize, but I have to greet more guests. The dining room is straight down the hall. You cannot miss it,” I say.

I turn around and stride back down the hallway. I open the door, seeing Gabriella and Paul. Gabriella, with her golden blonde hair tied into a bun, revealing a large blue streak in her hair, smiles at me. Her blue dress shifts in the slight wind, her hand holding Paul’s hand. Paul is wearing a simple gray suit, with a blue bow tie, matching Gabriella’s dress. I scowl, before quickly covering it with a kind smile.

“Welcome! Follow me down the hallway, if you please,” I say, straining my smile.

I close the door behind Paul and Gabriella, and they follow me down the hall to the left of the stairwell.

“Gabriella, I have a spot reserved for you at my right,” I say, sitting her down.

“And me?” Paul asks, crossing his arms.

“You-“ I say, staring into his light blue eyes, tightening my jaw. “You can sit wherever you want to.”

“Great,” he says, sitting on Gabriella’s left, as the three chimes ring for the final time.

I walk out of the room, into the hall, and open the door.

“Hello, William,” I welcome, guiding a man with black hair and brown eyes into my estate. I take one last look outside, spotting a subtle mist in the encasing darkness, before closing the door.

“Follow me, if you will,”

William follows me, and sits in the last seat: on my left. I sit on my seat at the head of the table, while all conversations hush. The seven candles in the chandelier over the table flicker, dimming the room ever so slightly. I stand up, and open my arms, addressing all of my guests.

“Again, I would like to welcome all of you, my guests, to this humble estate. I am Septimus, as you all know, and I hope you all will meet each other in the meantime. It is now time for us to feast. Waiter, bring us the meal,” I announce, before sitting.

My waiter Frederick, in all white, walks into the room, carrying as many trays as he can. Frederick carries all of the food and drinks. It takes four trips to deliver all of the food and drinks.

Then all of my guests turn towards me in their seats, and watch intently. Frederick stands up near the wall, waiting to be dismissed. I am not in need of food, since I have eaten a rather large lunch. I ignore my stomach telling me that I am full: I just go with the plan.

“Let us eat,” I say, lifting the tray piled with steaks near me.

When we are at the dessert part of the meal, I am quickly eating my third chocolate ice cream scoop, before pushing the plate aside.

“Gary!” I call from across the table.

Gary looks toward me as he stops talking to Emily.

“I have to ask: Do you like the architecture in my estate?”

Gary is a connoisseur with architecture, and always critiques it. He hesitates before answering.

“This room has a beautiful ceiling. I quite enjoy how the walls blend into the ceiling seamlessly,”

“If you love this room, you will love the rest of the house. Come,” I say, standing up as Gary does the same. “If you will excuse us, everyone. We will be back in a few minutes,”

I rush out of the room, having Gary follow me, as I go down a skinny hallway to the left.

“How is the ceiling in this hallway?” I question, stopping to let him look.

“This ceiling is similar to the last one, but with a more square-like shape. The walls are perfect except for-“

“Except for what?” I whisper, barely making a sound.

“The…uh…slight unevenness of this small painted section of the wall.” Gary replies, pointing to the high uneven section.

“Would you care to fix it for me?”

“If I must. If my tuxedo gets ruined, you will be the one to replace it.”

“Of course.”

I open a nearby closet and take out a tall ladder, paintbrush, and a can of paint. I take off the already opened lid, and hand the can and brush to Gary. I set up the ladder right in front of the uneven spot.

Gary slowly climbs up the ladder, and stops at the fifth step, putting the can on the seventh. He dips the brush into the paint, before raising the brush up to the wall. I slowly take out a knife from my pants pocket and step near the ladder.

“All d-“ starts Gary, stepping down to the fourth step of the ladder.

Before he could finish his sentence, I kicked down the ladder. Gary fell, with the ladder on him. The paint splatters away from him.

“Wha-“ he tries to yell.

I kneel down and start stabbing him with the knife, in the neck repeatedly. His breathing turns heavy as my stabbing persists. After a few minutes, his breathing stops altogether. I check his pulse, but I feel nothing. I take his arm and pull him over towards a door. I take a few hundred dollars from his pockets, before I open the closet door, and place Gary inside, pushing him in the corner, taking the ladder and paint, and hiding them in front of him.

I grab a dirty washcloth, and pour a cup full of water onto it. I wipe up the blood from the floor, along with the paint, before tossing the washcloth back into the closet. I close the door and adjust my suit, before walking back towards the dining room.

“I apologize for the wait. Gary realized that he was a bit nauseous, and had to leave,” I lie, striding back to my seat.

As I sit down I look up at the chandelier over the table. Six of the seven candles are left lit.

I end up talking to Emily about her music and performances.

“What was the last concert of mine that you have seen?” Emily asks, playing with her fork.

“Hmm… It has been a while since then. I saw your performance a few months ago in New York,” I reply, glancing around the room.

“Ohhh, that was my favorite.”

“It was a very enchanting performance. Speaking of enchanting, I have quite a few instruments in a room of mine. Would you like to see them?”

Emily’s eyes opened wide. “I would love to.”

“Just follow me,” I say, standing up.

“If you would excuse us, Emily and I are going to go look at a few of my instruments. We will be back shortly,” I announce.

As I walk out of the dining room, Emily follows me. We walk down the right hallway, and immediately turn into a longer hallway to the right. We then turn to the left, into a large room.

The whole room is full of instruments on the floors, tables, and shelves: there is even an antique cello placed carefully on the ceiling above our heads. Emily walks toward the wall, examining a wooden bassoon.

“This is beautiful,” she whispers, picking up the instrument.

“Why, thank you,” I reply, standing behind her.

“Where did you get all of these?” she asks, now walking around again.

“I have my sources. Have you seen the piano?” I point across the room towards the pure white piano.

Emily gasps as she rushes over, and sits in front of it.

“Do you mind if I play?” she questions.

“Of course not,” I say.

Emily tests a few keys, before she starts playing Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony. While she is distracted, I take a silver lighter out of my pocket. I walk over to a violin, and light it on fire, letting it burn. I walk over by Emily, and light a few more instruments behind her, without her noticing.

“I am sorry, but I have to go to the bathroom. You may stay here,” I say, pocketing the lighter.

“Sure,” she replies, not taking her eyes off of the keys on the piano as she plays.

I walk outside of the fully metal room, before closing and locking the metal door. I see the door rattle slightly, but hear nothing from the soundproof room. I walk back into the dining room smiling.

“Emily had to go to a concert, but she wishes she could have stayed,” I say to the crowd of four, including my waiter.

I look up at the second candle, watching it go out.

I start talking to William about how his life is.

“My life is great! I am a lawyer, and have won many cases. I got married last year to Patricia, and I have two beautiful children. We have a nice mansion, and usually go to Paris to visit Patricia’s family twice a year,” William admits, and he takes a sip of Merlot.

I clench my teeth as he keeps talking.

“So how is your life?” William asks me.

“Fine. No wife, no kids…but I am rich,” I say.

“Really?”

“Yes!” I exclaim, showing him the hundred dollars I got from Gary.

“May I see your vault?” William inquires.

“Of course,” I state, smirking.

Without even bothering to excuse us, I walk to the left hallway, and turn to the left to walk down a long stairway. Once down the stairway, I open a door into a dark room.

“Go ahead in,” I say. “I will turn on the lights in a second.”

William walks into the room and I follow him. I slowly pick up a loaded gun, equipped with a silencer, with my finger on the trigger, before turning on the bright light to reveal an empty closet.

“Hey! This isn’t y-“ starts William.

I pull the trigger, releasing the bullet into William’s forehead, causing him to fall to the ground. Taking a canvas from another closet next door, I put William in the corner, hiding him under the canvas. Then I hide the gun under the canvas with him. Quickly, I run up the stairs, getting impatient to see Gabriella.

I try to think of a plan to kill off Frederick. I am too tired to kill him with a knife, but he cannot realize any of the deaths. I finally decide on poison.

“Frederick, will you please clean up in the first closet downstairs? William cut his finger, and had to go to the bathroom to clean it up. I will let you have some wine when you come back,” I say, gesturing to where I came from, smiling from William’s death. The third candle has gone out.

Frederick watches as I pour some wine in a glass for him. As he leaves, I pour a few drips of poison from my flask into the glass without anyone’s notice.

“Paul, I want to show you my extensive library. Gabriella told me that you enjoy reading,” I state.

“I would love to see the books as well,” admits Gabriella.

“If you would like.”

The three of us get up, and walk down the right hallway. At the end of the hallway, I open a large door. Many bookshelves line the walls, filling the library. Across the floor, the loose floorboards are covered in a tarp, with a single book on it.

“Enjoy your reading,” I say, holding Gabriella’s hand, before Paul takes her hand away. “If you could, Paul, get my book from the tarp. The floor is pretty solid after the repairs.”

Paul walks over there, holding Gabriella’s hand. He picks up the book, while he stands on the tarp with Gabriella.

“Wait!” I shriek, running towards them.

Paul falls through the floorboards, into a steep hole, where he can never survive the fall. The problem is: Gabriella is pulled in with him. The last I see of them is Gabriella’s shocked face.

Tears start falling from my eyes in remorse of Gabriella’s death, and I run towards the dining room, without looking back.

I see Frederick on the floor, dead and pale from the poison. I smile in success. The room is dark, because only one of the seven candles in the chandelier is lit. I sit at my seat, and start gouging myself with some more dessert. I grab the last piece of chocolate. I sniff it, smelling the sprinkled sea salt and milk chocolate. I place it in my mouth.

I suddenly grab my throat, unable to breath. I realize, from eating the chocolate, I have consumed poison. The light in the room fades as my eyes close. My last sight is watching the last candle go out.

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
Pompadour
Review
Pompadour wrote a review Review · Jun 11, 2015

Hey there, Waning~ Welcome to YWS!

The beginning of the piece feels rather hurried; it was like falling headfirst into a maelstrom and trying to locate your feet. The narrator is speaking directly to the audience, as if they are familiar with the reader--but that's actually problematic because your reader is not familiar with the narrator. Give the reader some space; let them understand who the character is before they understand what he/she has to say. Why should the reader care for the narrator's dislike of certain words? They don't know anything about him/her at this point, and that might put a lot of people off from reading on.

You also start off by talking to the reader directly, in narrative form, but the shift to the scene (i.e.: what's happening) is very abrupt. When I began reading, this felt like a monologue of sorts, but--I'm sorry, I'll have to put this bluntly--it was extremely monotonous. People are not attracted to info-dumps, as a general rule. I understand that the reason the narrator has gone through this systematically is so the reader is more aware of how the actual story is going to progress, but it hasn't really worked out to your advantage. You might also be going for an old-prose effect, but to be old-prose doesn't mean to shower your reader with info-dumps. ;) You could very well inform us of the narrator's opinion via direct interaction with the mentioned characters; I'm pretty sure that the reader will understand the narrator's dislike of them better if, instead of lumping your reasoning in the first paras, you take us through everything as it happens. This means you're going to have to narrate a lot of things to us as well as 'showing' us what happens. I'm pretty sure you have the potential to do that, because you ease into it after the first couple of paragraphs, but that beginning needs to be more of a hook.

Some grammar-related iffies I had:

I have loved her ... even just her hand glancing my shoulder can make me smile...


~ Think you meant 'grazing' here?

...her beloved Paul, who she cannot live without.


~ 'who' should be 'whom'. Take a look at this.

About ten minutes before the gracious event will begin,...


~ Try replacing 'will' with 'is scheduled to', seeing as it flows better.

Okay, so overall, I have a couple of things I want to talk about:

A) Pacing. The story started out pretty slowly, then accelerated 'til it was fast enough to race in a derby. To be honest, I felt my interest waning, because things got rather predictable, and the suspense was largely downplayed by the sheer rush of events. Try taking things a little slower: use your time to build up on atmosphere and tone, rather than simply wrapping things up. You want the reader to be entranced by not only the story, but the manner in which it is written; I'm not saying you slow it down to a snail's pace, but do focus on developing your characters, their surroundings, and their purposes. At this point, your world is merely two-dimensional.

B) Also, as a short story, although you had a middle and an end, I felt like the beginning was rather lacking, as was the real conflict. Yes, the main character hated these people--but over what? Childish quibbles? I didn't really understand Septimus' logic behind his retribution, and the manner with which things progressed reminded me of Clue. This work would look a lot better if you were to flesh out the characters some more and give them a history, maybe, rather than just speed into a series of 'He died. He died. I hate him. He died,' so the reader can more readily sympathise and/or hate the main character. Give your character more believable purpose--don't be afraid to take a pen to this and edit!

Let me know if you have any questions~ I hope to see more from you soon!

Hope this helped.

~Pomp c:

User avatar
raevynstar
Review
raevynstar wrote a review Review · Jun 10, 2015

Wow. This was reminiscent of "The Tell-Tale Heart" and "And Then There Were None", but not overly so. A few minor problems:
"July, 7th...": there shouldn't be a comma after July.
At the end, I don't think the phrase "from eating the chocolate" is necessary.
The writing was very good, except for all the adverbs. Try not to use so many, and it will be even better.
Also, I love how you gave the narrator a motive. He wasn't just one of those "I'll do bad things for the sake of it" characters; even if his reasons were crazy, they existed, and that's great when you write about criminals.

Keep calm and
Write more stories. ;)

Thank you for the review. This was actually a class assignment after we read many Edgar Allan Poe stories, and our teacher wanted it to be a "spooky story"

User avatar
ThePhoenix
Review
ThePhoenix wrote a review Review · Jun 10, 2015

Aha, that twist at the end. I so saw that coming... Totally.
*Whispers* No I didn't.

But there was one thing that annoyed me. Only one thing (ok maybe there were more but you know... I'm lazy so...). You replace lust with love. This annoys me a lot. Because to me, love and lust are completely different. Love is when you truly would do anything for that person so they would be happy. You truly do LOVE them. But lust is nothing more than just liking a pretty face. This is why sometimes the sin Lust is replaced with Prostitution (I searched this up, I'm not kidding) because they're is not much difference. But hey, this is my point of view and what do I know?

Besides that, GOOD JOB! This was really interesting but I can't tell if this was a single... thing by itself. But I'm guessing it is. And it was really good. Seriously. I always had a fascination with the Seven Deadly Sins. :D

Happy writing.

Thank you so much! I appreciate your review.

User avatar
fukase
Review
fukase wrote a review Review · Jun 10, 2015

Hi.
A river of review is flowing by.
Your story was somewhat of interesting. Jealousy is a dangerous thing after all. I didn't feel sorry at all for that Sept. monster. Well think before you act, huh? However, your story was predictable. Very clear. The plots are quite simple and I liked it. I felt this story was rushing. Overall, this story rocks. Anyway,

[That is the end of that story.]

What were you trying to say at the first paragraph? And I think that sentence wasn't necessary.

Awaiting your next story,
I hope you'll keep writing and I hope this helped.

Thank you for the review. I will take those tips into consideration



The first thing I do when I have a good quote is always to put a goat in it. uwu
— Liminality