Crystal Valley Part III

“Fish day! Wake up sleepies!” Max called, bounding happily into her room and opening the window.

It was a couple of weeks later and Max had finally saved up enough money to buy herself a set of reed pipes. She was ready to get going, though her sleeping pets did not.

Cackle covered his face with his wing and went back to sleep, soft crooning sounds coming from his half open mouth. Malto opened his eyes, yawned and rolled over. Jo muttered something under his breath that sounded a lot like ‘five more minutes mummy.’

“Come on guys. Early start. The sooner we get there the sooner the more time we have to tour around,” Max urged. “I’ll give you each a fish.”

The animals ignored her and continued sleeping. Jo snored, Cackle flicked his tongue in and out and Malto made snuffling sounds as he slept.

“Fine, I’m going with Epona. We’ll have a splendid time together,” Max hissed. She grabbed her cloak and left, slamming the door.

“Havi, I’m leaving early today. If Karak comes by today tell him I’ll visit him this afternoon,” Max said, grabbing an apple.

“Okay dear. Remember watch out for Langs. And don’t talk to any strangers, particularly dragon riders,” Havi advised, without looking up from her outmeal. “Because I will find out.”

“Yes mother.” Max smiled and hurried out the door. She had already harnessed Epona to the wagon and the mare was patiently waiting for her mistress outside the house.

When Max came out of the house, Epona whinnied a greeting. She blew in her face and nuzzled her. Max rubbed the horse’s face and gave her a large hug.

“You’ll always be here when nobody else is Epona. The others aren’t coming, the sleepy heads. Come, let’s head to town.” Epona nodded her head as if she agreed.

Max smiled and hopped up into the wagon. She was in a good mood and felt as if nobody could ruin it. She clicked her tongue and Epona started up.

“Wait! We are coming! We didn’t think you’d actually leave without us,” called a voice. Jo, Malto and Cackle ran and flew up. Max had to smile.

“Well come on. Let’s not wait for the grass to grow,” Max giggled. She then paused. Where had she heard that saying before?

Malto leaped up beside her and Jo followed, breaking her thoughts. Cackle took his usual place on Epona’s back.

“What are you waiting for? Let’s get this show on the road,” Jo said in a loud voice. “Let’s go Epona!”

Epona started forwards to the gate. Flan opened up the wooden gate with no question at all. Soon the five of them were on their way. Epona trotted happily down the path, looking at all her surroundings. She snorted or whinnied at anything that was of interest to her.

Cackle flew about chasing little sparkles of magic. He snapped but the sparks always flew out of his reach. He soon gave up the chase and went after bugs, soon eating his fill. He rested onto Epona’s back and fell asleep, his belly bulging.

Malto lay down and went to sleep. Jo yawned and stretched himself over Malto’s back. The dogs tail began to thump on the wooden seat.

Max looked around and sighed. She really wanted to leave Lords Cove and to Duniden. She glanced behind her and saw nothing.

“I’m going to leave. That’s it. Today, I don’t have any belongings at home,” Max said aloud. Cackle looked over at her. “Right. My sword and bow. If I had those, I would go to town and never return.”

Cackle crooned in agreement and fell back asleep. Max sighed and continued to daydream about life outside Lords Cove. Soon Avalon’s large white towers loomed in front of them and the sound of the waterfall came to her ears. Max started and stared with surprise. Epona continued on over the bridge. The girl waved to the guard and he waved back, his face veiled by his helmet.

The grey mare walked through the busy streets to her usual place by the water trough. Max jumped from the wagon and tied the mare to a post. Epona drank from the well and sighed.

“I have half an hour to spend here. Malto, you watch Epona and the wagon. I’m going to go buy my reed pipe,” Max told her dog.

Malto’s tail thumped on the seat and he shoved his large snout into her face. Max laughed and gave the dog a good rubbing. When he was content, he laid down and closed his eyes. Max rolled her eyes and headed off for a merchant. She found a stand that sold musical instruments and it took all of her savings, save two Adus, to buy her pipe but she was proud.

She returned to her wagon and tried to play the reed pipe. She knew she would have to break it in but she was willing to play it in public at least till ten o’clock came around. The people seemed to enjoy her songs. They weren’t to bad either, considering they were on a new instrument.

“You know s-something that would improve y-your s-songs on th-that pipe?” said a voice.

Max jumped and turned in her seat. A young handsome man with a basket in hand stood there watching her. She observed him and then realized he was a bit on the tan side. He’s a Piyer! She thought.

He had coal black hair and tanned skin. He wore black leather gauntlets on his hands. He had leather boots up to his knee which were black. He also wore black leather clothes–shirt and pants. His one sleeve had a tear in it, or it was sliced open. A sword was at his left side and a knife on the right. His eyes were also very dark and were green.

“And what would that be?” she inquired innocently.

He pursed his lips together. “Widen th-the holes w-with a knife. Not to w-wide or y-you’ll ruin th-the sound b-but peel some of th-the wood off,” he responded. Then he got an irritated look on his face and rolled his eyes. “S-sorry, a friend d-decided to be a b-busy body.”

Max tilted her head to the side in confusion. “What do you mean?” she asked.

The man grinned. “My dr-dragon. She’s a little n-nosy at t-times…” he paused.

“You’re a dragonrider?” Max gasped.

The man bobbed his head. “Anyways, s-since I’ve given you a h-helpful hint m-may I have two f-fish please?” he inquired. “I kn-know it’s a l-little early…”

“Oh!” Max quickly turned and took hold of two large fish and tossed them into his basket.

He smiled and handed her four shillings. As he did this, she smelt the beautiful smell of pine trees. Though she didn’t know what the source of the smell was from, she enjoyed it deeply.

“Thank-you.”

“You’re welcome,” Max replied. “I hope you enjoy them.”

He scrunched up his face. “Zena uses them to make a m-medicine when a v-virus is going around. S-something in them,” he explained. “I had the ch-chore to get them.”

“Medicine? Fish?” Max echoed. She snarled in disgust. “Ew.”

He nodded in agreement. “Thanks for the f-fish,” he said. He turned and began walking past Epona. He stopped and put a hand on Epona’s neck and gave her a good pat. “What a lovely mare.” He grinned, gave her a wink and began to leave.

“Wait!” Jo sat up and looked over at the retreating man. The man turned and raised an eyebrow at Max. She shook her head and pointed at Jo.

“The cat?”

“Are you a Piyer? I always thought they were a myth. Never thought they existed. Now I’ve seen one with my own eyes. It’s an honour to meet you,” babbled the orange cat.

The young man looked quite confused by the cats’ words. Max pushed the cat into the back of the wagon. “Ignore him. He can get carried away with words,” she hastily said.

The man nodded, waved good-bye and left. Max reached back and picked the cat up by the scruff of his neck. “What do you think you were doing asking him about his race?” she demanded. “Sometimes I think you’re stupid. You just don’t ask someone about their race. A Piyer indeed.”

Jo shook himself. “And sometimes I regret living with you,” he huffed.

Max snorted with laughter. She laughed so hard an long, that tears rolled down her face. Jo shook himself and went back to sleep, clearly annoyed by the humour she found in his statement.

On her way home, Max took the dragonrider’s tip and slightly widened the holes of her brand-new reed pipe. She was so proud of the sound that came out afterwards. She played all the songs she knew. Cackle crooned along with her playing, Jo sang and Malto howled, all for the joy of it. Though the mammals made the song sound horrid. Max, not wanting to hurt their feelings, said nothing of the matter.

“And she came home in a merry little wagon,” sang a new voice.

Max stopped Epona and giggled. “You have such a wonderful voice Flan. I didn’t know you could sing so wonderfully,” she said.

“It’s a talent I’ve hidden so well all these years,” responded Flan, looking down at her from the gate.

Max laughed again. “May I pass your Talentness?”

“I doubt that is a word, but you may pass for being so kind,” Flan chortled.

“Thank-you Flan!” Max waited for the large wooden gate to open. It silently opened and the horse pulled the empty wagon through. Epona eagerly headed back to the stable at a trot. Max didn’t bother to stop her. She was watching two men fight with a young stallion.

“I don’t know why they bother with that horse,” she muttered to her pets. “He simply doesn’t want to be broke.”

“Hey Max, take this horse,” ordered a man, thrusting the stallion’s lead rope into her hand before she could unhitch Epona. The stallion’s eyes rolled back and he tossed his head. “Put him back into his stall.”

Max spoke quietly to the horse, attempting to calm him. “Easy boy. No one is going to hurt you,” she whispered. Just as he calmed down there came a loud roar. The stallion shivered and again showed fear in his face. He pranced around, threatening to rear up again.

“Easy now. Easy,” Max said. She led him into the barn and put him into his stall, talking quietly and gently the whole time. She returned outside to see a large bronze dragon. The rider was speaking quietly with Thidon.

Max stared in awe at the dragon but Epona whinnied. She walked over to her horse and unhitched her from the wagon. The mare turned her head and watched the massive dragon intently. Max wondered why the horse was so curious about the dragon. She had seen them before. She slid the harness off the mare’s dappled back and pulled the bridle off.

As soon as Max clipped the lead rope to Epona’s halter, the mare pulled it out of her hands and plodded over to the dragon. Max cursed under her breath and began to jog after the horse.

The grey mare sniffed the dragon and snorted, ears up. The dragon, feeling the horse’s warm breath, turned and looked at the horse, his eyes swirling blue. Max had a faint feeling she had seen those bright blue before. Epona, instead of jumping back, raised her head and sniffed noses with the great beast.

Max sighed in relief. She had thought Epona would have freaked and took off. She went up and snatched the lead rope. The horse snorted and turned to her mistress. Max hesitated, but gave the dragon a quick stroke of the leg. The scales were smooth and left the lovely smell of mint on her hand. She shrugged and led her horse to the stable. She gave Epona a good rub down and returned her to her stall.

Max fed all ten horses hay and hauled water from the well to them. She loved to care for the horses. It was one of the two chores she enjoyed doing. Their stalls had already been done that morning. She only had to give them lunch. She walked outside and wondered what she would do next. Cackle flew up to her and landed on her shoulder. He chirped and nuzzled her cheek.

“Where is Malto and Jo?” Max asked the dragon. Cackle jumped off and flew towards the dragon, slow enough for Max to follow.

The dragon led her to Thidon and the rider. Malto was at the rider’s feet, begging for attention. The rider was absently stroking the dogs’ head. Max’s eyes grew wide. She hid behind the large bronze’s leg and peered over at her dog. The dragon clicked his tongue and yawned, showing his large white teeth.

“Malto,” she hissed. The dog looked at her but didn’t come. He was enjoying his attention far to much to come to her. Max muttered under her breath and whistled. She was lucky she was hiding behind the dragon’s great foreleg. The two men looked in her direction but didn’t see her. Malto, pouting, left the dragonrider’s side and walked towards his mistress, tail behind his legs.

Max smothered a giggle but the rider did not. He laughed merrily at the dog. Thidon didn’t find anything funny about the dog and glared at the rider, who bit his lip to hide his amusement.

Malto turned away from the three and trotted to the stable, tail still between his legs. Max and the rider continued to chuckle. Cackle flew back over to her, his brown eyes large. He found his dog friend funny too.

“What’s so funny?” snapped Thidon.

“Nothing sir. The dog was just amusing,” the rider replied, stifling a laugh.

Thidon glared. “Young kids these days,” he muttered under his breath. “Well before we were disturbed, you were saying?”

“Oh! Um…uh…I think we were done. I was just thinking about saying good-bye,” the rider stammered. “Oh…have you seen any Langs lately? Any of the townsfolk?”

“We really don’t leave the village. But those who leave the town, just go down to the beach and I thought Langs did not like water,” Thidon said, looking irritated at the rider’s forgetfulness.

“You’re right. They hate water…but none of the people have seen anything?”

“Nope. But there is a girl who leaves every week. She goes up to the castle and has to go through the forest,” Thidon replied. His eyes swept around the town and spotted Max walking quickly towards the beach. “Maxenne! Come here now!”

Max stopped mid step and gritted her teeth in anger. She didn’t want to go near Thidon. She wanted to go to the beach. She turned around, a snarl on her face and walked over to the two men.

“Yes?” she asked in a rude, mocking tone.

“This rider needs to know if you have seen any Langs. Have you?” Thidon demanded, ignoring her rude tone.

“I’m sorry, I haven’t seen any,” Max said, looking at the rider. He didn’t seem to be disappointed. He also looked quite familiar. She had met many dragonriders in the past few weeks and she couldn’t remember what face went to what name.

“It’s alright…” he stared at her, furrowing his brow.

“Okay…I’m going then.” Max began to walk backwards.

Thidon narrowed his eyes. “Max, I want you to feed the horses,” he said.

“Already did,” Max responded, relieved she had gotten the chore done right away.

“Then go and start helping with the fish!”

Max opened her mouth to protest but Thidon gave her a warning look. She snapped her mouth shut and she frowned. Knowing he wanted an answer she spat out, “Fine.” She turned on her heel and stomped to the docks.

The rider looked after Max and back to Thidon. “Sir, you don’t mind if I look around your town?” he asked.

“Not at all.” Thidon turned and walked away.

The rider frowned and walked after Max. She was walking slow and resentfully towards the docks. The narwhales were up and the villagers rarely saw them. They reminded her of the unicorns, another mythical creature which the people of Lords Cove thought unreal. She wanted to see one.

“Excuse me,” she heard a voice say.

Max turned around and was surprised to see the dragonrider walking toward her and without thinking she blurted out, “Have we met?”

The dragonrider stopped and studied her face. The bronze dragon plodded over and nudged his rider. A smile rose on the rider’s lips. “I believe so. Weeks ago in Avalon.”

“Thought so. I’m sorry for asking you that question. It must have sounded rude,” Max said, flushing. She turned away but the rider touched her shoulder.

“Max right? Or Maxenne?”

“Max. And Jack?”

The rider smiled. “Yes. Thanks for telling me about Charlie. He and Ranth were in a tight spot,” he replied. “His leg was mighty bruised for awhile.”

“It really was nothing. I had forgotten about that. Your friends Enelya and Aunidan said thank-you too,” Max responded.

“And they told me what you did for Aunidan.”

Max rolled her eyes. “That was nothing either. He killed the Langs that were coming towards my house and I killed the Lang choking him,” she laughed. “It was like debts repaid.”

Jack nodded. “What do you have to do with the…uh…fish?” he questioned.

“Fish? Oh, that’s right. I have to help gut fish or cut it,” Max answered in a disgusted and bored tone.

“Sounds fun,” Jack said, looking around.

“Yep. I guess I best go. The sooner it’s done, the sooner I’m free.”

“I’m sure they won’t miss you.”

“What?” Max asked, confused.

“Marth is offering to give you a ride,” Jack said. The bronze nudged him again, almost knocking him over. “If you want. Just down the beach.”

“A ride on a dragon?” Max gasped, surprised by the offer.

“Yes?”

“Down the beach?”

“Yes. Do you want to come?” Jack inquired. “We’ll understand if yea don’t want too.”

“On a dragon ride? I’d be dumb to refuse!” Max declared, excited.

Jack smiled. “I’ll show you how to mount a dragon,” he said, blue eyes twinkling.

Max smiled and walked to the dragon. She patted him on the nose and scratched his eye ridge. He leaned towards her, crooning. “It’s a pleasure to meet you properly Marth.” The dragon nodded his head in agreement.

“All you have to do is run up along his tail. You don’t want to fall or trip on his spikes. Then up to the saddle by his wings, sit down and just buckle the straps to your legs. You don’t want to fall off when the dragon is in the air,” Jack explained, smiling.

Max giggled. “After you.”

Jack chuckled and walked up the dragon’s tail. He sat in the saddle and buckled up the leg straps. Max hesitantly walked up the dragons tail. She slipped a few times, but grabbed hold of the brown spikes to hold herself up. She finally made it to the saddle and sat down, playing with her skirt to make it comfortable. Jack bent over and buckled the straps to her legs.

Marth opened up his wings and leaped into the air and flapped his wings. She grabbed onto Jack and hung on tight. The huge bronze dragon flew down the beach, but didn’t land. Max let her death hold on Jack go and relaxed. The dragon and rider both felt her relax and they all began to enjoy the ride. Though Max did find the dragons’ wing joints as they moved uncomfortable. The movements twisted and lifted the saddle up. But she decided to ignore that and enjoy the rest of the ride.

Marth flew happily down the beach. He swooped and down, clearly having fun. After ten minutes, the dragon landed on the beach and looked back at his riders, his blue eyes sparkling brightly in their vibrant shade of blue. Jack unbuckled the straps on his legs and Max’s. The dragon crouched down and Jack slid off.

“You can also mount this way too, but it doesn’t really matter. Charlie mounts this way,” Jack said, holding out his hand.

“Do you prefer walking up the tail?” Max inquired, taking his hand and jumping down.

“Yes. It’s quicker and the dragon doesn’t have to crouch down to let you on,” Jack answered, cheerfully.

“I see. Wait, how did you know I wanted to go to the beach?”

Jack looked up at Marth and the dragon tilted his head. “Marth told me you wanted to come down here.”

Max blushed. “I wanted to see the narwhales. We rarely see them. Mostly dolphins and the other whales. It’s really a sight to see a narwhale jump out of the water with their long horns. I heard that in some places only the males have those horns, but I read a book that here, where the waters are much colder, both female and male have them,” she explained.

“Wow. You seem to know a lot about those little ones.” Jack whistled his admiration. “They’re also almost as intelligent as the dragons.”

Marth growled in his throat. Jack smiled and patted he bronze. “Oh no friend. You are much, much more intelligent then them. I was merely saying they were almost as smart as you.”

Max laughed. “It’s okay Marth. Dragons will always be the most intelligent race of creatures in all of Orathia.”

“Indeed.” Jack smiled at his dragon. Suddenly there was a low splash by the rocks. Marth leaned forwards, clicking.

“It’s the whales,” Jack said. “Come, I’ll show you a spot where you can watch them.” He took her hand and led her towards some large rocks. Jack let her hand go and began to follow a well beaten path.

“Do you come here often?” she inquired, climbing after Jack.

“Once in awhile we come here,” Jack responded. “It’s the only spot we like on the beach.”

Max said nothing as she climbed after him. She finally caught up with Jack when he stopped at the top. He pointed out to the horizon where a long horn appeared from the water, followed by its owner.

“Wow. They’re so beautiful! Just listen to them!” Max exclaimed.

The three sat there for an hour or so before the whales left. Max sighed. It was wonderful to watch them. They were so peaceful. Unaffected by the raging wars on land. Jack looked at his dragon and then up at the sky.

“You best be getting back. It’s almost noon,” he finally said, frowning. He was enjoying the peaceful time with Max.

“Noon?” cried Max, jumping to her feet. She had been enjoying herself to much to bother about the time----and the consequences.

“Yes. I’m terribly sorry. You’re sure to be in lots of trouble. I heard Thidon can be quite mean,” Jack replied, climbing to his own feet.

“From whom?”

“Aunidan. He’s seen him when he’s in an angry mood,” Jack answered.

Marth walked over to the rocks and Max found she could step off the rocks and onto his back. Jack jumped on first, then Max behind him. Marth flew up into the air and back down to Lords Cove. The dragon folded his wings and landed outside the village.

“You think you could make it to your house without being seen?” Jack asked, helping Max off the dragon.

“Maybe. As long as I don’t encounter anyone who would tell Thidon, I’m safe,” Max replied. “Thanks for a wonderful time. I had lots of fun with you and Marth.” She gave the dragonrider a brief hug and let him go, blushing.

“I-I had fun too,” Jack stammered, surprised by the hug. “And I’m sure Marth enjoyed himself. Maybe we can do it again another time.” He mounted Marth and the dragon flew away.

Max sighed deeply. She had fun and enjoyed the time with Jack. She grinned and walked into he town. She ran as fast as she could to her house, but she was intercepted by a young man named Guy.

“Hey Max. Where have you been?” he inquired, a goofy smile on his face.

Max growled and looked at him. “I was down the beach, now will you move? I need to get back to my house,” she hissed.

“Let me escort you,” Guy said, taking Max’s hand into his own rough one.

Max jerked her hand away from the man and walked past him. He followed her and turned her around.

“Do you not like me Max?” Guy questioned, a tone of dejection in his voice.

“Maybe as a friend, but nothing more. And if you keep pestering me like this, you won’t even be that but an annoying man who follows me around,” Max snapped and she continued on her way.

“I asked Havi if I could marry you,” Guy called.

Max froze in her tracks. She dared not turn around in fear of seeing Guy’s smug expression. “Why?” she demanded.

“I love you and you’re of age. So now you can marry me.”

“So that’s why I wasn’t allowed to leave when I was sixteen,” Max muttered to herself. “Well I don’t love you.”

“You have no say in it,” Guy said smugly.

Max turned on her heel and marched over to Guy. She glared at him and then as quick as she could, slapped him hard in the face.

“I will not be your slave nor your housewife. Go take a long walk off a short dock,” Max hissed. She stormed away to her house and threw the door open. “Mother!”

“Yes dear?” Havi called. She sounded cheerful and Max could only guess why.

“I have a bone to pick with you,” Max said, stomping around the corner to confront her mother.

“Like what?” Havi inquired, innocently.

“Guy. I am not marrying that great oaf and nobody will make me!” Max declared.

“But dear, you are of age and it’s high time. I was your age when I married your father. It was an arranged marriage too,” Havi reasoned, setting her wooden spoon down and facing her daughter.

“So? I will not be cooped up in a house and clean up after a filthy stupid fisherman. I refuse it,” Max replied, heatedly. “I wish you had let me leave when I was sixteen. And besides, I am not like you.”

“Dear, it’s the way of the country. You know women don’t have many rights. Besides those who live in the valleys. They are the boss there,” Havi said. “But you do not live there and I will not have you live there. All the dragonriders do is eat our food and they are strange folk. People who interact with giant winged lizards are strange.”

“They are not! I have a dragon. Does that make me strange? Dragonriders and all those others are not strange. They are the same as you and I. Just because you don’t understand them, or whatever the reason you have a problem with them, doesn’t make them strange. You are the one who is strange,” Max explained. “But we weren’t talking about dragonriders! We were talking about Guy and this stupid marriage thing!”

“You’re getting married whether you like it or not missy,” Havi argued.

Max glared at her mother. “When is this stupid wedding?” she inquired, an idea popping into her head.

“Next week on Thursday.”

“Okay, fine. Thursday night it is. Goody.” Max turned and stormed into her room. She slammed the door and plopped herself onto her bed.

“What’s wrong with you?” Jo asked, raising his head to peer up at her. “Oh wait, it has to do with that fisherman…that fat one?”

“I’m getting married next Thursday. I need to escape before then,” Max responded.

Jo jumped to his feet and stretched. “You’re taking me with you…right?” he questioned.

Max gave him a small smile. “Of course. You, Malto, Cackle and Epona,” she answered.

“So when?”

“Next Wednesday. I’m going to take all my things with me when I go to Avalon. Hopefully me running away won’t clue in,” the girl replied. “I just need a plan.”

Jo licked his paw. “I’ve always liked making plans. But I need to know. Where are you going when you run away?”

“I really have no money. Remember I bought my reed pipe today,” Max said. “But I wish to go to Duniden.”

“Hmm. This is a difficult task indeed.” Jo put paw on his face. “Let me think. If you were to go to Avalon and got a job of some sort…”

“But that would be the first place they looked,” Max reminded. “Unless I spread rumours around that I was heading to the plains of Murcia. Would that work?”

“Possibly. I know a great tavern in Avalon. The Cat and Cheese,” Jo said. “But you can pocket the fish money.”

Max giggled. “I’ve heard of it. The name is quite funny.”

“But it’s a nice place and the owners are real nice. You should go there.”

“As long as they need help. So next week on fish day I’ll deliver the fish, pocket the money, dump the wagon somewhere in the Forest and return to Avalon. Epona will need…wait…Father had a saddle and bridle just for Epona. I can’t leave those. I’ll have to smuggle them out of town somehow.”

“Tuesday night, avoid the guards, grab the tack and carry it out into the Far Up. Then the next morning, pick it up on your way to Avalon,” Jo advised. “It should work.”

“Do you think Fred and Flan could be trusted with this? Or Karak?”

“I wouldn’t tell anyone.”

“Right. Oh, I’m also going to let that stallion go. Tomorrow morning when I clean the stalls out. I’ll just pretend he got away from me so the lead rope and halter will have to stay on,” Max added.

“Sounds good. Now go away. I want my sleep.”

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
Wanderer777
Comment

Hey thanks! I actually didn't catch that first mistake and now that you mention the others...I'll fix those as soon before I forget. I'm glad you like it!

User avatar
Stori
Review
Stori wrote a review · Tue Nov 18, 2008 9:43 pm

That must be one patient horse. She puts up with a dog, a dragon and a smart-alec cat.

Anyway, the review.

She was ready, but her sleeping pets did not.


You mean "were not."

Jo, Mato and Cackle ran and flew up. Max had to smile.


That might work better with a semicolon.

breaking her thoughts


I think it should be "breaking into her thoughts."

We'll understand if you don't want too.


Should be "to." That's all I've got as far as grammar goes. Overall, I liked it. Your characters are very believable and the narration is great. Keep up the good work!



If you have a Kuzco in your life and they don't turn into a llama, bail.
— Alan SeaWright