z

Young Writers Society



A Christmas Song: Christmas Present

by WaltzingDreams


SCENE 9: (Scrooge, Ghost of Christmas Present, Tammy, Frederick, the Council)

(The scene is the Auditorium again, same setting as that of scene 1. Replay this scene)

SCROOGE: *glares* No, Tammy. *getting ready to leave* I will not hear anymore of this, you should know by now that I have had enough. My answer is No. *walks away*

COUNCIL: *just watches him*

TAMMY: *calls out to him when he reaches the door* Scrooge.

SCROOGE: *turns around halfway*

TAMMY: Merry Christmas.

SCROOGE: *leaves and slams the door behind him*

(SCROOGE and GCPr emerge from the door)

SCROOGE: This is earlier. I’ve seen this.

GCPr: Really? *eyes Tammy and Fred*

SCROOGE: *follows her gaze*

COUNCIL: *makes comments about that scene as they go back to work*

**Tammy and Fred stand alone**

TAMMY: *sadly* I pity the soul.

FRED: *nods* He never should’ve said those things about you.

TAMMY: I pity his soul.

SCROOGE: Oh, you fool me, Tammy!

FREDRICK: He really was never like that when we were younger, right?

TAMMY: *shakes her head* I miss his ambition and kindness.

FREDRICK: But the thing is, he’s not like that anymore. *looks at her seriously* what is really going on, Tam? An unannounced trip abroad? That is not like you at all.

TAMMY: *looks away to check if the others are listening* Keep this between you and me, Fredrick… I-it’s my… *gestures to her left chest*

FREDRICK: *surprised* Tammy!

TAMMY: *worried look* Quiet, Fred!

FREDRICK: *a little angry* I can’t believe you!

TAMMY: *confused* What?!

FREDRICK: You’re going abroad just because you can no longer contain the feelings you have for Elliot?!

SCROOGE: *durh* W-what..???

GCPr: hmm… hmmm

TAMMY: *denial!* WHAT?! No. It’s not that!

FREDRICK: Then what? You want to find someone there?

TAMMY: I need heart surgery in Germany!

SCROOGE: *freezes in fear*

GCPr: (aside) oh, look at that, he does seem to care about something!

FREDRICK: *freezes*

TAMMY: *sadly* At first it was just medication, but my folks want to be sure. True enough, to completely remove all obstacles in my health, this operation must be made. I say that I can still go on, but my parents won’t listen to me. A one way trip, cure me a little more and give me a bit more endurance… Elliot just needs to say yes tomorrow.

SCROOGE: I say yes now! Yes!

GCPr: It is useless!

FREDRICK: Why have you been keeping this from us?

TAMMY: I didn’t think it was much of a big issue until I saw my appointment date and place. I didn’t want to worry anyone unnecessarily.

FREDRICK: *shakes head* Is there really no other way? To… hold position while you’re gone?

TAMMY: He is the most advisable! Beneath his rough exterior persona, he is still responsible, practical and a leader.

SCROOGE: *disbelief, amazed* Why?

FREDRICK: And if he becomes a tyrant in the course of a few weeks? You know he doesn’t do Christmas breaks. He’d rather do paperwork for the next semester.

TAMMY: *shakes her head* He wouldn’t do that.

SCROOGE: *sad* Why Tammy?

FREDRICK: What makes you so sure?

TAMMY: How about Trust?

SCROOGE: *sad* Why do you believe in me?

FREDRICK: *teasing* How about Love?

TAMMY: *knocks him on the head* *smiling* Seriously, okay? If he declines, I’d need to stay here and work then. I guess this is a sign! *smiles still* This means I must be strong enough to keep it up! Fate cancelled my flight by making Elliot say no, I wouldn’t need to go through painful surgery!

FREDRICK: *worried* But Tammy, how about the—.

TAMMY: Let us not talk about the other consequence if he declines. Simply because he will not decline, I know he’ll understand. I swear, once this is all over, I’d never ask another favor from him again.

SCROOGE: Why, Tammy?

FREDRICK: Why?

TAMMY: Because giving me a chance at life—to live without fearing of the next attack—would be the greatest favor anyone could ever give me.

SCROOGE: Why do you love me?

**Scrooge and the Ghost of Christmas Present teleport back to Scrooge’s**

SCENE 10: (SCROOGE, Ghost of Christmas Present, Ghost of Christmas Future)

SCROOGE: *sitting on his couch again* *dazed* Was that all true, Christmas Present?

GCPr: Why? Are you scared?

SCROOGE: Yes.

GCPr: Then it must be true; to instill true emotions in you.

SCROOGE: *thinks* *stands* What will Christmas Future show me?

GCPr: *shrugs* I am just the Present. I am made from the Past and I create future. Only now, in your Present, you choose to leave them, not hearing all that could’ve helped you make your decision. Good luck with Future. *disappears*

SCROOGE: *sits on the couch, his head in his hands, worried* *looks up* *sees the dark hooded figure of the Ghost of Christmas Future*

SCROOGE: *brushes himself as he stands* I am ready for my Future…

GCF: *stares* The future I will show you is what will happen if you stay on the path you chose today; if you didn’t change your mind.

SCROOGE: If I said no?

GCF: *nods* *bangs the floor with her staff* *A girl’s agonizing shriek is heard*

SCROOGE: *falls on his knees and boxes his ears of the pain*

***


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
125 Reviews


Points: 59
Reviews: 125

Donate
Wed Dec 30, 2015 2:59 pm
Songmorning wrote a review...



sWell, I ran out of time to finish reading this on Christmas itself, so I'm picking it up again now. ^_^ No matter, it's still the holiday season.

TAMMY: *shakes her head* I miss his ambition and kindness.

That was kind of a surprising statement, in a good way. That is, the use of the word "ambition" was surprising. My first thought was, "I thought he still was ambitious." Everything built up around Scrooge's character makes him seem ambitious--though currently in a self-centered way. I wonder if, in loosing his kindness, he also began to lose true ambition, in a way. After all, he's apathetic about this Christmas party...

You played that "gestures to her left chest" thing really well. I was just as confused as Fredrick. My first thought was a pitying, "Oh my gosh...she has breast cancer or something..."--and then Fredrick came in with a completely different assumption, and I laughed and reeled a bit like, "Oh, whoops! I was wrong! Silly of me!", and then Tammy returned with her revelation that she need heart surgery, and I was immediately pulled back toward my first assumption, thinking, "Ah! So it's medical after all! My goodness..."
I'd forgotten a bit, though, that Tammy had a weak health. Now I remember that from the first part.

SCROOGE: *thinks* *stands* What will Christmas Future show me?

Did they mention previously to Scrooge that there would be a Christmas Future? Sorry if I don't remember, but it just seemed odd to me that he's suddenly going with the flow so much that he's now expecting Christmas Future and asking questions about what will be shown to him.

GCF: *nods* *bangs the floor with her staff* *A girl’s agonizing shriek is heard*

SCROOGE: *falls on his knees and boxes his ears of the pain*

Oh my gosh, oh no--what's going to happen? I don't see any more parts to this story...Did you stop writing it? I see you were writing it around the last holiday season. I want to know what happens next, but if you're not planning on finishing it, well...that's up to you. It's a good story. I love how in some ways, it's so much like "A Christmas Carol", and in other ways, it's so very different.




User avatar
131 Reviews


Points: 8053
Reviews: 131

Donate
Sun Jan 25, 2015 3:30 pm
godlypopo wrote a review...



Hello, happy review day!

This was a very interesting interpretation on the Christmas carol. My only suggestion is that you do not need to say most of the emotions. From what I have learnt doing GCSE drama, emotions created by the actor them self are a lot more believable than those forced by script. If you let out small hints of the characters mood through dialogue, the actor will improve their acting just by working out the script. Also try to keep all of the dialogue starting in the same place so the script is easier to read.

Apart from that wee suggestion I really enjoyed reading this. The words are easy to pronounce and the directions are clear.
That's all from me,
Godly :D




User avatar
863 Reviews


Points: 29221
Reviews: 863

Donate
Sat Jan 17, 2015 4:23 pm
Morrigan wrote a review...



Hello there, WaltzingDreams!

Today, I'm going to talk to you about form.

Playscripts are about performance more than the writer, to be honest. The actor needs to be free to make their own choices at times. Stage directions are important, yes, but go easy on them. Also, it helps if it's formatted correctly.

Stage directions should not be denoted *like this*. Instead, they should be denoted (with parentheses and italics.) Also, all characters names should be IN ALL CAPS. So instead of

**Tammy and Fred stand alone**
It should be
(TAMMY and FRED stand alone.)


When you have two stage directions next to each other, you should combine them into one. So instead of
*sitting on his couch again* *dazed*
You should have
(sitting on the couch again, dazed)
.

You have a lot of emotional directions. Let the actors infer what the emotion of the line should be most of the time, unless the emotion of the line is different from what the line seems to be.

I am not sure why some of the character lines are indented. Try to keep them all at the same alignment, whether that's center aligned or left aligned.

Anyway, I hope this chat about format is useful to you. Here is another helpful link about script format: http://ptfaculty.gordonstate.edu/lking/ ... tting2.pdf






Thanks for the advice! Reason why I wrote all those strange directions was that this piece was actually performed, and the actors I got weren't good, knew not a thing of stage acting. ^^
Thanks for the link, I'll keep in mind of all the tips.
Thanks again :)




You can't blame the writer for what the characters say.
— Truman Capote