Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.
Cannot comprehend why these fuckers think they can win
Topple the king of rapping wombats and throw his crown in the bin
AAGH! What’s that sound? Is it the Fuzz? Did I mess up?
Nah I never make mistakes, put these phonies in a steak bake
And throw it at a wall and watch the gravy sprawl
With a ferocity that would make a diabetic’s blood boil
It’s ok! Nah, not really, still murdering and clearly
Ain’t gonna stop till you’re torn limb from limb, so sorry
I think I’ll incinerate you and then taunt you later
You’ll be my taxidermist masterpiece like my purple alligator
Conform to my opinions- yours be swimming in contradictions
I’m the Lord of all the Flies and behold my drooling minions
By the millions who hold me back from my true ambition
Popping pills in the kitchen before destroying Christopher Hitchens
Fat arse drunken atheist who was a gay sadist
He gonna burn in Hell with Richard Dawkins, the rapist!
I cannot even see why my enemies gain momentum
And support of those who should be in detention
But meritocracy ain’t the answer, for mass murder is
How else can we mine for the fruits that spring brings?
Go fuck yourself with an immortal dildo from Hell
Why should we spend so much money on those in poor health?
God’s will and all! Can’t you see? I stand side by side with Jesus
This album is my Yeezus but with a better rapper with a bigger penis
And a hotter wife who ain’t made out of plastic bin lining
Imma shrining and pining so baby please stop your whining
You never know when you’ll experience that death blow
And you still know nothing about nothing, Jon Snow!
Oh please spare me the hairy as Harry Potter details
Take a detour on our safari; we’ll start hunting females
A cheap lab coat to distinguish us from the scientists
When they lie and deny creationism, I get pissed
And drink myself into such a state- yeah, such a state
That I impregnate Mother Theresa’s ballsack with a grape
Too many snitches and too many of them selling rocks
And where are all the bitches waiting in line to suck my cock?!
I cannot even see why my enemies gain momentum
And support of those who should be in detention
But meritocracy ain’t the answer, for mass murder is
How else can we mine for the fruits that spring brings?
Leave me be to tear from all limb from limb, end on end again
Skin the meat from dem bones like they’re ribs- throw them in the bin
Bathe in sin, biatch! Feel the burning wimpy burger whip
Lady Gaga can’t even recognise that she’s so full of shit
Woo! A master hit, a left hook that’s way too quick
Go suck my dick in the river Nile, a crocodile with dick lips
All over the kitchen tile, don’t dare play the game of denial
I hope you get UV ray poisoning and die of cancer from your sun dial
I cannot even see why my enemies gain momentum
And support of those who should be in detention
But meritocracy ain’t the answer, for mass murder is
How else can we mine for the fruits that spring brings?
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125,034 Literary Works • 672,918 Reviews
This is really good i dont know what the beat of the song id but if cant can replace cannot then i think itll will be better
I don't really like abusive words in poetry. You used one in the very first line.
Poetry is meant for emotions, I don't see many here.
You seem to cure all over your words! It was enough for someone to make a bad face.
I liked the last line!
'How else can we mine for the fruits that spring brings?'
I liked the comparisons and similes in between!
Some beauty!
Well done!
I don't really like abusive words in poetry. You used one in the very first line.
Poetry is meant for emotions, I don't see many here.
You seem to cure all over your words! It was enough for someone to make a bad face.
I liked the last line!
'How else can we mine for the fruits that spring brings?'
Hey Wombat! Casanova here for a review~
First off- I've been wondering who you were and I STILL DON'T KNOW. Either way- I thought you had said something about rapping in chat the other day. I'm glad that you were serious about it- I love rap. I know I said I was gonna stop writing but damn you people make it hard to stop/leave YWS. I wanna go, but come on. This is TOO good to pass up.
Anyway- to the review!
The first thing I noticed was the rhyme scheme. You had strong internal rhymes and external, which is honestly hard to obtain with good writers. But, the eternal rhymes kind of jumped around. Like- You switch from AA BB CC to an AAA CCC thing. Not saying it's bad or anything- I just mean that it's unusual and does't follow any format.
Your capitalization- however- was on point. I couldn't find a flaw in that, but I could have easily over looked something that someone might perhaps grab later.
The other thing that I noticed was punctuation- in which you're seriously lacking. I think the only line that had it was the end one? Well, no there was a couple that did. But over all you don't have it. As a reader I take that as meaning it is continuous- without a break or pause in the rap. Now sometimes this can happen- but if I'm vocalizing this(which I did) like that- you can't hold your breath long enough nor rap fast enough(to fit the flow) for it to make sense. Work on that- add coma's and periods where they're needed.
The cursing seemed a bit over used- like you were cursing just to curse. It seemed a bit forced.
And... One line I honestly found hilarious but confusing. "Go suck my dick in the river Nile, a crocodile with dick lips." Amazing- yet I thought that,"dick," was just there to rhyme with,"Quick," so you wouldn't completely lose the rhyme(even if it does go from external to internal." For flow and sense sometimes you have to give up rhyme in a rap. Hard thing to do; however, since most rap is fluent and is circled around rhyming.
I enjoyed this- I honestly hope we can battle sometime/work on something together.
If you ever need any hints/tips/want to compare ideas- shoot me a message. I'm down for it yo- you're good.
Sincerely- Matthew Casanova Aaron