Let Peace Prevail

Hey! ... so... yea, I'm here to review your work.
But, it's sort of hard to find something that hasn't already been said before.
Your poem is really powerful.
I mean, it conveys a really strong message, and well, that's AWESOME!!
The part that I, personally, loved the most, was this:

"So that violence, war and torture cease;

So that no one is starving, ill or homeless;

And we have peace, harmony and progress"

The way you emphasized on the "innocence of children" , as they haven't yet been exposed to the "stereotypical view" of the world and how they like a person for what that person actually is, was truly amazing...

OMIGOSH! *cries uncontrollably* That was a super-duper powerful and tearjerking poem. The rhymes were seamless, and none of them seemed forced, which is a big feat for a poem in this style. This could easily be on a plaque in a museum of history, or at a WWII memorial. It captures the cost of wars and and intolerance, and how children see through it all and set an example for everyone on the planet. Now, onto a few nitpicks:

"And beyond man- made labels."
As you can see, there is a space between the hyphen and the word "made". It's a small error that does not stop the reader and is pretty easy to overlook, but it is usually a good idea to fix stuff like this before a million people point it out.

"They just want to laugh, play, and sing;
And want a peaceful life worth living."
I think this is one of the best lines in the entire work, as it mentions the millions of suicides each year, and how peace could make life an enriching and wonderful experience for everyone. This would stop the sadness of knowing someone, many someones out there who lost the will to live. However, the word and semicolon use was a little confusing, and I suggest changing the "And want" of the second line to something like "And yearn for" or "And long for" to justify the semicolon.

The last thing I will say is that the numbers at the beginning should be converted to words, as pendr and SecreteJournalist already mentioned. As a general rule, all numbers in literary pieces should be in word form, unless you are writing a mathematical procedure in How-To form.
(Example: Now that we have found the sum of the two GCDs, we must divide them by 3 to complete the equation.)

Overall, you did an excellent job on this piece using pathos. This piece really reminded me of John Lennon's 'Imagine' in its style. Thank you for posting this. I especially like how you went with facts and figures in the beginning, showing the reader how much the world we live in needs to change.

Keep up the AWESOME work!!!!!!!!!!

-Toady

Hello there! How are you on this dandy day? I'm Pendr, here for a review! I hope I'm some help!

I agree with @SecreteJournalist that the numbers in the first line should be words, not numbers. But I say that because it's grammatically correct to spell out the words in this situation

"Your lethal weapons have crippled their lives,
And have plunged them in a world where terror thrives." no need for a comma after 'lives'

"They just want to laugh, play and sing;
And want a peaceful life worth living." I won't be mentioning semi-colon things because that was already mentioned, but you need a comma after 'play.' It would also work to keep the semi-colon and change the 'and' to 'they'

"Children can see through curtains that blind others;
And beyond man- made labels." maybe make the second line of this phrase a sentence instead of a continuation of the previous line

"They can see beyond accent, color and gender;
Because their hearts are still innocent and tender." you need a comma after 'color'

"So that violence, war and torture cease;
So that no one is starving, ill or homeless;
And we have peace, harmony and progress" Add commas after 'war,' 'ill,' and 'harmony.'

Alright! This is a very, very powerful poem that is also extremely true. I think many people notice how children don't judge outwardly, and many people want to be that way again. I know I do. You expressed these ideas in a great way; the flow is very good and you were very successful in the rhyming.
Thank you for sharing your art on YWS Keep writing!

'Ello! SecreteJournalist here for a review on your poem. If you don't mind, I'll go through nitpicks first and then praise.


Nitpicks:

6 million orphaned, 2 million disabled, 1 million killed;

Your lethal weapons have crippled their lives,

And have plunged them in a world where terror thrives.

They just want to laugh, play and sing;

And want a peaceful life worth living.

They want to see the sun shine;

Through trees that are benign.

Children can see through curtains that blind others;

And beyond man- made labels.

They can see beyond accent, color and gender;

Because their hearts are still innocent and tender.

Learn from the children and work for peace;

So that violence, war and torture cease;

And we have peace, harmony and progress

Children can see through curtains that blind others;

And beyond man- made labels.

They can see beyond accent, color and gender;

Because their hearts are still innocent and tender.

And we have peace, harmony and progress