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Young Writers Society


12+ Violence

ACPF Prolouge

by Voyager15


There is a tale of this one planet. It is not much different from Earth. It has liquid water, along with species that thrive on its rich yet simple ecosystem. Of course, the species live in harmony with each other.

...Well, harmony is quite an exaggeration…

A group of tanks slowly rolled through the terrain. Some of them had a wide body and turret. A few others had slightly narrower bodies and small turrets. On top of some of them were Iron stickmen. They had their hands on the machine guns mounted on their tanks. A few others were walking nearby.

“Hey, none of ‘em donut brains tried to get to us today,” one of them spoke out loud.

Another one said,”Eheh, probably because of yesterday. We basically blasted them into orbit and back.”

One of the other ones had a white hat. Of course, all the scars you could see on his body showed the experience he has had.

“If anything, I think we just got them angrier from yesterday’s confrontation; if anything, they’re going to start strikes against us.”

“Are you kidding me? Look, they basically had to steal some of our land secretly and threaten us for “trespassing” on their stolen land. Before ya know it, they’ll claim from here to Main Base as theirs.”

In one of the tanks, two soldiers were talking to each other.

"You see anything, Metal Scope?" asked one of the tankers to the driver.

"Nope," he replied. "The C4 guys seem to be calm today. No border skirmishes."

"Phew, good," that tanker replied. "If we gained a soldier every time we met one of those C4 guys, we'd have enough to take 'em on!"

"I just wish our leader will do something about this," Metal Scope replied. "He's just shrugging these off as if they were just trading disputes. Which, they're not."

"You have a point, there."

The next few minutes continued on in silence. That was when one of the soldiers yelled out,"C4 troops!"

The tanker sighed. "They just won't give up, do they? I'll just badmouth them away." He opened the hatch to take a peek outside.

"Wait... that isn't a normal border patrol..."

"What's wrong?" asked Iron Scope. He looked at the control screen that connects to the camera outside. He couldn't believe his eyes.

"Are you seeing what I'm seeing?" he asked the other tanker.

"They didn't bring a border patrol with them. They brought an army! Their entire army!"

Metal Scope looked at the screen again. He saw a long line of C4 soldiers advancing.

“This is Border Patrol 4, we are experiencing hostiles in our territory!” one of the other soldiers yelled into his radio.

“Status on hostiles?”

A few shells flew above the group, blowing up behind them.

“They’re firing.”

“Open fire, then.”

The tanker that was with Metal Scope looked at the large crowd of enemies.

"They aren't here for border disputes," the tanker replied. "This is all-out war."

Of course, this wasn’t the announced start of the war. War was officially declared exactly four hours and, seventeen minutes, and three seconds… four seconds… five seconds… six seconds…

Oh wait, nevermind.

Of course, this was start of a war. However, it would be boring to start at the beginning of the war, right?

Okay, let’s skip about… let’s say eighteen years? Yes, eighteen is a good number. Yep, it IS the number a Human teenager turns into an adult, right? Though, there are also some stuff you can’t do until you’re twenty-one years old… that’s weird right? I mean, even though you’re-



I was getting off topic? Oh, yeah, I remember now. Okay, skipping eighteen years after the war started!


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415 Reviews


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Mon Aug 31, 2015 7:27 pm
keystrings wrote a review...



Hmm... that was pretty interesting. Good start for a story! I rather liked that. I liked the "If we had__ every time" that was funny. This almost reads like a journal of sorts... and I rather enjoy reading that kind of writing (i.e. Perks Of Being A Wallflower much?) but I wish you would specify that that's what this story of yours is. Otherwise, it seems rather odd that the narrator would say what he did at the end, as it's like he's speaking to the human world. If I misunderstood that at all, feel free to tell me! I'm a rather unobservant person so I get messed up easily sorry. I didn't mean to insult you or anything like that.

I like the characters, they seem pretty interesting, except I was getting a little confused with the dialogue. Could you expand a little more with who's saying what, and a little more information please? Thanks! That'd be great. I also recommend that you put a little more info on the narrator himself later on, just for us readers to be able to figure out how he would know everything going on, if he isn't one of the soldiers mentioned above.

All in all, there were only a few grammatical errors here and there, but not too bad. I like this a l0ot. Interesting concept. I can't wait for more! Thanks for writing this, and have a great day!

-Perks<3




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66 Reviews


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Mon Aug 31, 2015 11:43 am



Overall, I like this story! There are some times where your voice is really coming out, and I almost feel like you are talking to me in real life, and I think that's really cool! I think you should show more feeling once the soldiers see the C4 troops, I personally didn't really get much of a feeling. About getting off topic, that wasn't my favorite part, it did add individual flavor but I think if you do that the entire story, it may get a bit annoying for readers. I don't know how you want readers to feel at the end of reading the prologue, I personally did not feel any suspense or anything, but if that's not what you were going for that's fine.

I think I may choose a few different words than you used places in the story, but besides that I think this was a good prologue, and the story has great potential!




User avatar
66 Reviews


Points: 5274
Reviews: 66

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Mon Aug 31, 2015 11:42 am
iamanaspiringwriter wrote a review...



Overall, I like this story! There are some times where your voice is really coming out, and I almost feel like you are talking to me in real life, and I think that's really cool! I think you should show more feeling once the soldiers see the C4 troops, I personally didn't really get much of a feeling. About getting off topic, that wasn't my favorite part, it did add individual flavor but I think if you do that the entire story, it may get a bit annoying for readers. I don't know how you want readers to feel at the end of reading the prologue, I personally did not feel any suspense or anything, but if that's not what you were going for that's fine.

I think I may choose a few different words than you used places in the story, but besides that I think this was a good prologue, and the story has great potential!





As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.
— Andrew Carnegie