I finally finished editing. I took a break from it; so it took a little long. So yeah, finally. Please critique and rate.:
A thick cloud of ash poured into the air. The house that had once stood tall amid the small development had crumpled to the ground, revealing a distressed girl, crying on the streets of New York City. She grabbed her mother’s hand, looking into her emerald eyes, with fear. Her brother, Travis, had rushed over to his father, who was buried with large amounts of wood. He looked at Deidre and embraced her with his bony hands.
“Deidre,” he cried a tear trickling down his cheek. “What are we going to do? Where are we going to go?”
Deidre shook her head; her eyes red and puffy. “I don’t know, Travis. None of the neighbors seem to like us; they’re always blaming us for everything. Our relatives would blame us for the fire and call us arsonists. I’m sorry, Travis but I have a feeling we’re going to be living on the streets for a long time.”
“You’re fourteen,” he said abruptly. “You could get a job!”
“Yeah,” she said. “Fourteen years old. You can’t get a real job until you’re sixteen. The most I could do now is rake leaves for the neighbors. And they never pay much.” Deidre reminded him.
“I could get a job.” He said.
“You?” she asked with a hearty laugh. “What makes you think that a fourteen year old couldn’t get a job, but a twelve year old could?”
“I could rake leaves for my friend.”
“That’s all really nice of you, Travis, but—” Deidre replied with a frown on her face.
“But what?” he asked.
“But that’s just not enough for us to live, anywhere.”
“Deidre, I miss them,” he said with an unhappy look on his face. “I really wish Mom and Dad were alive.”
“We all do.” Deidre whispered, clamping his hand. “But look on the bright side. At least we’ve got each other.”
He nodded. “I love you, Deidre.” He whispered laying his head on her shoulder. She smiled back but panicked when she didn’t see him. She looked down the street but saw nothing but a padlocked wooden door.
“What’s that?” she whispered to herself in awe.
“Come with me and you’ll find out.” A gruff voice replied.
“I need to find my brother.” Deidre protested.
“And that’s the way.” The man lifted her off the ground and opened the door.
Deidre struggled to escape from his grasp but couldn’t. She tried to see his face but it was shielded by a velvety black hood.
“Who are you?” she whispered but there was no response. She looked around but saw nothing but a thick cloud of ash.
Sooo... what do you htink? And what do I need to work on?