I want to start by letting you know this
Because of you three, my life has a purpose
You've helped me be who i am today
I see myself in every word you say
Sometimes it feels like nobody gets me
Trapped in a world where everyone hates me
There's so much that I'm going through
I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you
I was broken
I was choking
I was lost
You both saved my life
I was bleeding stopped believing
Could have died
You both saved my life
I was down
I was drowning
But you guys came just in time
You both saved my life
Sometimes I feel like you've known me forever
You always know how to make me feel better
You 're my escape when I'm stuck in a small town
I go to you whenever I feel down
you let me know like no one else
it's okay to be myself
You'll never know what it means to me
That I'm not alone
And that I'll never have to be
I love you both so much... <3
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Wassup wassup wassup! Ossum here for another awesome review!
So let me say that you have a very unique writing style. It is very bold and direct with what you want to say and how you feel. A tone of emotion and a tone that makes sure we feel both the pain of the past and the hope of the future. It was eloquent and the pace was not to fast or to slow for the most part.
Critique, I do feel that in some parts of the piece, the tempo did slow down a bit to much. This did not effect the overall portrayal of the work itself, though in those instances, it did make them drag on ever so slightly. Second, the simplicity of this piece is good. It says what it wants to say and leaves thereafter. Which is good, but with every great piece of work, imagery and detail come hand in hand with the emotion and tone that you have so beautiful displayed. So be sure to try and collaborate with those two elements and I know that you will be writing masterpieces soon!
I can see great things! And of course, WELCOME TO YWS! SO GLAD THAT YOU JOINED!!!
7/10
Aww... This reminds me of how a few friends I had were struggling with depression and stuff, and this poem seems to reflect the change I saw in them as they slowly grew better over time ^^ *huggles* Overall I can't truly see any flaws in this... It seems rather powerful and personal. It's nice that you included rhyme, as it seems so rare in much poetry of this type. I imagine you wrote this genuinely from experience? ^^ Because it is certainly convincing from what I observed of the friends I mentioned. Have fun
*huggles*
This basically enbodies how I feel about YWS... <3
Hello!
First off, I love the idea of writing a poem to those people that have touched and impacted your life. It seems like it's easier to say so much more through poetry than you can through words sometimes, and I like the idea of this poem and the feelings that come through this. Reading your poem I could envision people that I love and care about, and I always love a poem that makes me feel something.
One thing I noticed was that you kept switching between you three and both of you, which implies two. So make it more clear whether the poem is written to two people or three.
I was also confused about your rhyme scheme, since sometimes you had a consistent aabbcc rhyme and then other times you didn't seem to have any rhyme at all.
I love these lines:
" I was broken
I was choking
I was lost"
and I think it works really well that you break the rhyme scheme for that part in order to add more emphasis, but I think after that you should go back and return to rhyming, just to keep a little bit of consistency though out the piece.
The title seems a little bit forced, too, it might work better to have "my reason for life" or "my reason for living", but of course it's up to you.
I like the examples you put to show why these people are important, like the line when you talk about them as an escape from a small town or knowing how to make you feel better, and I think even more concrete examples would be great.
Anyway, nice piece, I hope my review helps, and let me know if you have any questions or comments. Keep writing!
Cailey
I started with three because i added my daughter but the poem is mostly about and for my husband and wife.
Oh okay! Maybe you could keep all three but add some kind of transition when you go back to just the two?
Hi!
I really enjoyed this poem! Very sweet! I like how it was clear and simple and didn't need large words or phrases to show your emotion. My only concern is how in the beginning of the poem you mention three people, but after you say "you both". You might want to mention more of that other person, or maybe just focus on the two so that it makes more sense. Other than that, great job! I'm sure these people will appreciate the heart you put into this!